I don’t think he’s a brat - that’s an easy throwaway comment. Rather, he’s likely seeing a variety of economic situations for the first time and I’d focus on that. We’ve had to deal with this in a different situation and we empathized on the “others have more” by sharing that it’s the same with our own friends and co-workers - that we have people in our own circle who have much more money than we do and how it feels and how we deal with it (can’t join them for expensive outings, etc, still maintain friendships, how to act when you have more). It’s life

I approach the spendy full ride situation in the same way - talk about your own situation such as how taxes work, how much we pay, that some pay nothing but sometimes have nice things like even nicer cars sometimes (tho that’s maybe not the full picture obviously) - this is real life. Sometimes it seems very unfair and sometimes it really is unfair but that is life. I would focus on the realities of life by sharing what seems unfair in your own life and make it a teaching moment.

His choice. He has to live with the consequences. I'm impressed you're paying $72K a year. That would be more than enough at most colleges.

Anonymous wrote:He is being a brat and tell him to get over himself. There will always be people who have more and those who have less. And tell him to stop talking about money with other kids - it's tacky.

Seriously this is upsetting that a child would do this to his parents who are forking over $280k on his education. One thing he should also learn to recognize is that amount of money would take some of his classmates’ families 10 years to make- not even save! He needs to recognize he has a home to go back to, a great education, and he can find a job that pays him well if he works hard.

what college? name it and I'll tell you if you made a prudent financial decision.

You have nothing to apologize for — you are contributing a ton every year (and that’s an accomplishment in and of itself; good for you and your family). He has been given a great opportunity. He knew the stakes going in. So time for him to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:He is being a brat and tell him to get over himself. There will always be people who have more and those who have less. And tell him to stop talking about money with other kids - it's tacky.

This. He needs to get over himself and stop complaining. It’s not a good look. Let him know that he is welcome to transfer to a state school where he can have all the damn Starbucks he wants. Shut this nonsense down.

-Parent of a sophomore at a $92K school

^ this "revelation" should have happened long before now

I’d tell him I’d give him a pass for saying this Thanksgiving of freshman year but that would be the last time-after that I’d expect him to show more maturity and perspective about his “bad luck.”

Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.

The serious talk is - he is a brat. If he's not appreciative, he's a brat. He can feel whatever he feels. He can not speak it. He's not to be rude. If he wants to transfer, under the circumstances, ok - that's on him to figure out.

Find the money. If you can pay $72k you are wealthy. You should not have agreed to this.

Tell him that $80K of debt is nothing compared to the cost of financing an entire upper middle-class/donut hole lifestyle.

For example, that's just few years of daycare or an in-home care provider for two kids. Or a couple of car loans if you have no down payment and buy new.

He chose the college. He should neither envy the rich nor the poor, nor fault his parents for not paying 100% of the tab. Successful poor kids usually turn out donut hole in the next generation. So they will get their turn.

Tell him to look for sophomore scholarships and other new sources of revenue.

If he insists on being bitter, tell him to "marry up".

He is being a brat and tell him to get over himself. There will always be people who have more and those who have less. And tell him to stop talking about money with other kids - it's tacky.

I think what you're doing for your child is fair. Paying 72K a year towards his tuition is generous. Not everybody can afford 94K intuition a year. I know our family certainly cannot. We talked to our kids when they were applying for school and let them know that we can only pay so much and they chose their schools based on that. We are able to pay full ride for both kids because of that. Also, since my kids don't go to prestigious, 94K schools, they are exposed to kids who are working and taking out loans. Both of my children have at least one roommate who is hustling to make ends meet.

DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?