I'll get flamed for this, but I parent like we're friends.

I didn't have kids so I could yell and boss someone around. I had kids because I thought it would be fun to have some buddies with me while we went around doing cool stuff.

Any time they have a tantrum, it's usually because they want something and don't know how to get it. So I just teach them how to. Don't want the spaghetti I made for dinner? No problem, I can teach you how to make a sandwich or Mac & cheese, and you can make it for yourself. If they don't want to make it, then they just eat whatever I made.

FWIW I was raised by a parenting coach who was on the authoritative (not authoritarian) side of things, and I honestly don't think it made any difference in my outcome. I was always headstrong and just did whatever I wanted anyway. And my siblings and I all had very different life outcomes despite being raised by the same parents. So I just don't stress over it and try to just have fun with parenting.

Some of our best memories have been made this way. I remember over the summer, my 9yo had a sudden meltdown around 9pm. So I packed her up and took her to the carnival that was in town. It cheered her up and ended up being one of our favorite memories. Would yelling at her to stop have done anything? Probably not. Is she going to look back in 20 years and thin "I'm really glad mom disciplined me?" Nope.

No real behavior issues with them. They help clean, they turn off the screens when it's time, they do well in school.

I am strict but fair. I take feedback from my kids and am willing to change my opinion if it makes sense. I try to avoid the “my way or the highway” approach my own parents took. I don’t think this is necessarily right or wrong, it’s what seems to be working for my family and I’m not interested in getting into contests with others about their parenting styles.

Single parent since middle school, good kids, no rules really needed.

dumb question and stupid answers. it depends on how old your kids are. you need to change your style as kids get older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most people are going to say "authoritative" because we all know that's the correct answer, but I also think that everyone defines it differently.

I think that my style works for my kids, because my kids are doing well despite significant trauma that threatened to derail them.

I am a special ed teacher. I tend to parent like I teach. I set very specific expectations. I give a lot of very specific positive feedback, and make corrections early. I give my kids a lot of love (including things like hugs that I wouldn't do at school), and show them I am paying attention. I ask a lot in terms of chores etc . . . I don't ever yell, or spank. We do a lot by consensus, but real consensus, not the kind where the parent caves and "agrees" to something they don't really want. I would describe all of that as "authoritative" and "gentle" but I don't think it matches what all the other people who use the same terms mean.

I won't spank/hit, but I do yell. I don't think there's anything wrong with kids seeing me get frustrated, or seeing their behavior is so annoying, etc.

I didn’t say you shouldn’t yell. I said I don’t.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most people are going to say "authoritative" because we all know that's the correct answer, but I also think that everyone defines it differently.

I think that my style works for my kids, because my kids are doing well despite significant trauma that threatened to derail them.

I am a special ed teacher. I tend to parent like I teach. I set very specific expectations. I give a lot of very specific positive feedback, and make corrections early. I give my kids a lot of love (including things like hugs that I wouldn't do at school), and show them I am paying attention. I ask a lot in terms of chores etc . . . I don't ever yell, or spank. We do a lot by consensus, but real consensus, not the kind where the parent caves and "agrees" to something they don't really want. I would describe all of that as "authoritative" and "gentle" but I don't think it matches what all the other people who use the same terms mean.

I won't spank/hit, but I do yell. I don't think there's anything wrong with kids seeing me get frustrated, or seeing their behavior is so annoying, etc.

I'm pp and not arguing it's "correct" just how I/we parented.

There was a term I heard when my kids were younger (they're 20-22) and I quite can't remember it, but it was akin to "intellectually neglectful" -- which struck me as my style. Where we provided opportunities for curiosity, travel, culture, and eduction, but I didn't hover or micromanage school and teachers.

We also entertained a lot, so they're adept at conversing with adults.

I feel like most people are going to say "authoritative" because we all know that's the correct answer, but I also think that everyone defines it differently.

I think that my style works for my kids, because my kids are doing well despite significant trauma that threatened to derail them.

I am a special ed teacher. I tend to parent like I teach. I set very specific expectations. I give a lot of very specific positive feedback, and make corrections early. I give my kids a lot of love (including things like hugs that I wouldn't do at school), and show them I am paying attention. I ask a lot in terms of chores etc . . . I don't ever yell, or spank. We do a lot by consensus, but real consensus, not the kind where the parent caves and "agrees" to something they don't really want. I would describe all of that as "authoritative" and "gentle" but I don't think it matches what all the other people who use the same terms mean.

Anonymous wrote:Mostly authoritative, but permissive about some things. It worked for us, but I had really easy kids.

Same

Very hands off. My kids spend a lot of time with friends and relatives. The younger one does say that home is the best when he returns.
Older kid just started college and is working at the same time.
I'm raising my kid the way I was raised. Luckily it fits them well. Not sure about it being correct.

I'm not sure exactly I have a style, at least not a conscious one.

We have one kid, so that probably affects how I parent. I tend to be more collaborative with my kid than I see other parents being. I let her guide a lot of decisions for herself in terms of activities, school programs, etc. Part of that is also being more hands off and letting her solve her own problems.

I didn't come to parenting with strong ideas about what was "right," I've just done what works and responded to what my kid seems to need.

Mostly authoritative, but permissive about some things. It worked for us, but I had really easy kids.

I am direct and authoritative. It's correct for me because it feels most natural and fair. I am in charge. Full stop. But my ego is not so big that I am unwilling to be wrong and am open to hearing your beef with the chief and possibly changing my mind. It yields good results.

… and why do you feel it’s correct?