Anonymous
11/25/2025 12:56
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Yes, private schools can do almost anything they want. Parents chose a private based on a certain level of academic rigor or accommodation. They want the class moving at a fast pace, if it's not a private that accommodates. Unless you are a mega-donor, if your kid needs more services than most and they aren't even high school they will consider counseling out.
I would start looking at other schools if you are getting hints and also see what public offers. It has happened to many families and it's not worth the yearly stress of wondering if it will happen to your kid if your kid has more needs than the other. this seems like a big deal now, but looking back it will either be nothing or a blessing. Your kid can still make friends elsewhere, thrive elsewhere go to college and have a wonderful life. Very few people care if your kid lasted at fancy name private school and as someone who went to fancy private and has 2 kids who would not a match, I will tell you I have classmates who still brag about fancy private and are floundering in life.
I would start looking at other schools if you are getting hints and also see what public offers. It has happened to many families and it's not worth the yearly stress of wondering if it will happen to your kid if your kid has more needs than the other. this seems like a big deal now, but looking back it will either be nothing or a blessing. Your kid can still make friends elsewhere, thrive elsewhere go to college and have a wonderful life. Very few people care if your kid lasted at fancy name private school and as someone who went to fancy private and has 2 kids who would not a match, I will tell you I have classmates who still brag about fancy private and are floundering in life.
Anonymous
11/25/2025 06:56
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:If that should happen, please send her to public. They have all the supports she’d need, plus they wouldn’t even see her as “behind.” There are kids three grades ahead and three grades behind in the same class.
If a public school determines that a disability is not impeding access to the curriculum, they will not provide services. Getting services for a child with level 1 ASD in public school is nearly impossible in my experience. All we were able to get was a 504 that had frustratingly few accommodations.
Anonymous
11/25/2025 06:47
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anything is allowed. In my experience with a kid with the same diagnoses, it was less about how hard behind they are academically (half a year is nothing) but about how much individual attention she needs in the classroom.
My kid was on or just below grade level in ES, like your kid, but had a much harder time in MS, when expectations increased and students were expected to make higher order inferences, write longer essays, and be more independent in executive function skills.
I actually would not recommend public for an autistic kid who is only a little behind because it will be difficult to get an IEP.
But no matter what, get the neuropsych. It's not going to change the support she needs, it will just give you more information. If her school is going to counsel her out, they'll do it with or without the neuropsych based on what they know of her at school.
My kid was on or just below grade level in ES, like your kid, but had a much harder time in MS, when expectations increased and students were expected to make higher order inferences, write longer essays, and be more independent in executive function skills.
I actually would not recommend public for an autistic kid who is only a little behind because it will be difficult to get an IEP.
But no matter what, get the neuropsych. It's not going to change the support she needs, it will just give you more information. If her school is going to counsel her out, they'll do it with or without the neuropsych based on what they know of her at school.
Anonymous
11/25/2025 06:47
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can. I think it’s bad form, but basically other parents are paying for their child to be in a classroom where everyone is o grade level as a baseline. Also, teachers don’t need training in education to teach there, and they simply do not have the same ability (or understanding) of such children
This. Your kid would probably be better served with an iep in public school.
Anonymous
11/25/2025 06:30
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:If that should happen, please send her to public. They have all the supports she’d need, plus they wouldn’t even see her as “behind.” There are kids three grades ahead and three grades behind in the same class.
I'm a public school teacher and this is why I send two of my kids to private. Classes with a huge range of abilities do not work well. The kids with significant academic or behavior needs get the lion's share of attention. The kids who are way above grade level can usually fend for themselves although they're probably bored and playing laptop games once they quickly finish their work. The well behaved kids, especially quiet girls, who just need a little extra support are totally ignored.
Get a neuropsych and start looking for private schools that offer more support.
Anonymous
11/25/2025 01:44
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:If that should happen, please send her to public. They have all the supports she’d need, plus they wouldn’t even see her as “behind.” There are kids three grades ahead and three grades behind in the same class.
Which is why public school absolutely sucks. And I say this with one in private and one in public. There is no comparison
Anonymous
11/24/2025 21:24
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Every three years is fairly standard
+1. Standard. And, yes, privates can counsel out. They are telling you they can't accomodate the support levels she needs. They don't care how sweet she is. You need to listen. You need to ask them for referral schools and their help in getting in those schools. [/quote]
+1. And,yes, neuropsych is expensive but your kid needs it. We paid for it five times for our DD, who is now 30, and just paid for it for herself again. It took four rounds before we got the correct diagnosis. At age 30 it was reaffirmed but tweaked out some new things she found useful. It is what it is.
If you really can't afford it, look to public, as others have said. They will provide testing but it won't be as thorough as a private neuropsych. But, trust me, your DD needs this. Your school is trying to tell you something. She may be dealing with things you can't see like dyslexia, ADHD, or, in our case, autism. She needs more support. You've been told this. You need to provide it. To start you need a diagnosis.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 21:02
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
If that should happen, please send her to public. They have all the supports she’d need, plus they wouldn’t even see her as “behind.” There are kids three grades ahead and three grades behind in the same class.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 21:01
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:10yo DD with ASD/ADHD inattentive has no behavior issues. She is the sweetest child and kind and well-behaved - but she is very spacey and is a bit behind academically compared to her peers. Overall, she is maybe just a half a year behind in reading & math. She is making progress with tutoring. She likes her school and has a couple of friends. We are worried they are going to counsel her out before MS next year...is that allowed if she is getting mostly Bs and has no behavior issues. The learning specialist keeps saying that she needs too much support - but we don't see any support that they are providing. We are providing tutoring after school. She is learning and progressing. Learning specialist insists we get an updated neuropsych (last one was over 3 years ago which documented mild ASD, inattentive ADHD) which I'm afraid she is going to use to say she needs a SN school. Also, that's thousands of dollars, and I'm not sure what that is going to help.
Why is she in this school?
From your own account she is getting no services and you are paying for private???
Why in the world would you leave your kid there?
Anonymous
11/24/2025 20:59
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Anonymous wrote:Every three years is fairly standard
+1. Standard. And, yes, privates can counsel out. They are telling you they can't accomodate the support levels she needs. They don't care how sweet she is. You need to listen. You need to ask them for referral schools and their help in getting in those schools.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 20:57
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Yes, they can. I think it’s bad form, but basically other parents are paying for their child to be in a classroom where everyone is o grade level as a baseline. Also, teachers don’t need training in education to teach there, and they simply do not have the same ability (or understanding) of such children
Anonymous
11/24/2025 20:57
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Every three years is fairly standard
Anonymous
11/24/2025 20:50
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
Yes, they can. If she is working two grades below grade level, they might be right that she needs more support in middle school. Or they may not be right, but can still counsel her out anyway.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 20:28
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
FWIW, I have 3 kids all in private schools and they all want neuropsych updated every 4 years or they won’t provide any accommodations. I actually think it’s helpful, although very expensive (my kids all have ADHD and two have a learning disability). So that part isn’t about trying to counsel your kids out.
If the neuropsych shows that your child is more than a little bit behind, however, the school could use that to ask your child to repeat a grade. Most of the time when this has happened to families we know, the parents switch schools because socially it doesn’t feel good to have your kids repeat while their friends advance.
Also, For my two oldest, the academic expectations increased steadily in middle school - lower school was pretty undemanding. If your child is falling behind in lower school, I (as a parent) would be concerned about how they will be able to keep up on middle school.
If the neuropsych shows that your child is more than a little bit behind, however, the school could use that to ask your child to repeat a grade. Most of the time when this has happened to families we know, the parents switch schools because socially it doesn’t feel good to have your kids repeat while their friends advance.
Also, For my two oldest, the academic expectations increased steadily in middle school - lower school was pretty undemanding. If your child is falling behind in lower school, I (as a parent) would be concerned about how they will be able to keep up on middle school.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 19:40
Subject: Can private school counsel out even if no behavior issues?
10yo DD with ASD/ADHD inattentive has no behavior issues. She is the sweetest child and kind and well-behaved - but she is very spacey and is a bit behind academically compared to her peers. Overall, she is maybe just a half a year behind in reading & math. She is making progress with tutoring. She likes her school and has a couple of friends. We are worried they are going to counsel her out before MS next year...is that allowed if she is getting mostly Bs and has no behavior issues. The learning specialist keeps saying that she needs too much support - but we don't see any support that they are providing. We are providing tutoring after school. She is learning and progressing. Learning specialist insists we get an updated neuropsych (last one was over 3 years ago which documented mild ASD, inattentive ADHD) which I'm afraid she is going to use to say she needs a SN school. Also, that's thousands of dollars, and I'm not sure what that is going to help.