I completely agree that the roommate situation should have been resolved immediately. We asked for a change several times, but the school refused to move the boys. That was very surprising, especially considering my son reported being hit and there were racial comments involved.

About the custody issue — yes, that is what worries me the most. We were able to drive into campus late at night, take our 12-year-old son, leave with him, and absolutely no one noticed or contacted us. The duty person didn’t even respond to my message informing them that we were taking him. For a boarding school, this seems extremely unsafe and I don’t understand how that is considered acceptable in the U.S.

Regarding staying calm — we fully agree. We are already in the process of transferring to another school and trying to understand if we can receive a neutral recommendation, because we are concerned about retaliation.

We are not looking to sue for money; we just want clarity about safety standards and what actions parents would normally take in this situation. As foreigners we are still learning how the system works, and this was very shocking for us.

Thank you again for your reply. I appreciate your perspective.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent of two boys.

I can only comment on some of this.

3) Your son needs a new roommate. There is no way to prove what was said to who. But your son reported that he was hit, and there are racial issues being discussed. The head of school should want this resolved by separating the kids. That's the only way to get this kind of situation to die down.

5) Zero chain of custody for a 12 year old at boarding school sounds negligent.

People swearing is unprofessional but more common here.

I'd keep things calm and have a meeting with the head and say the school does not seem to be a fit and the roommate is bullying. Ask the head if they can give good exit recommendations or not. See what the person says.

I think you only need a lawyer if you want to try to get money back. These issues about swearing, an ingrown toenail, fights between kids don't sound like legal matters.

You didn't get the school product that you thought you were paying for. Unfortunately, sometimes the consumer pays the cost of mistakes.

Take your son out of this school immediately. I feel so bad for him.

They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?

I hope this isn't a situation where you left your far-away country to place your child somewhere you were told was a feeder to an Ivy. Families who do boarding schools well generally have a much better understanding of what it entails than you, and know how to communicate before issues turn nasty.

There are so many great public and great private day schools in the US, OP. They offer a good education for your children, without closing doors for any university.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

+1

Why the hell is a 12 year old in boarding school? 14 is bad enough. This is insane.

Get him out. The issues sound systemic, and not isolated to one teacher or student.

Why the heck is your TWELVE year old in boarding school? Take him out and put him in public until you can find a day private you like better. Use the Zoom recording as leverage to get your tuition back if that's important to you.

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to go to boarding school?
Have him go to a private day school wherever you are currently living?

+1

Get your kid out of there asap. R

I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

Why does he have to go to boarding school?
Have him go to a private day school wherever you are currently living?

International family here, but one that has lived in the US for many years. That sounds absolutely terrible, OP. I'm sorry you've been treated this way. My kids are in public, but I used to go to a British boarding school. It wasn't great, which is why I would never send my kids to boarding school.

The solutions I would consider are:

1. Move in-bounds for a well-regarded public school system. My kids spent their K-12 in such a place, and they did well.

2. Apply to another private school, but not a boarding school. Not all require a letter of recommendation, and even if they do, you can be honest and explain that he experienced bullying issues in his previous boarding school.

I would not, at this time, waste my time and money on a lawsuit. I would just take my kid out and start afresh elsewhere.

a few thoughts:

Medical leaves are common for any health or mental health issue. My son's school recommends 2 weeks. an infected ingrown toenail is tricky because while it isn't serious it sounds like it needs regular medical attention and he needs to see specialists. I would probably take him out for a week to address this.

The secret zoom called is embarrassing and unacceptable.... and maybe a window into the types of people in charge at the school. They should be professional. If you're going to keep your kid at the school then I would address this and let them know it's not acceptable. If you are planning on moving him to another school then this is a good reason....You could leverage this.

They should move your son to another room or switch the roommate. From my understanding it has to be reported several times for schools to make a change because a lot of disagreements are normal and part of the adjustment phase. This doesnt sound like the case for your son and I would demand they move him. Your son needs to feel safe. It also sounds like he could use some counseling for this and maybe other issues. The school should have someone that he can talk to who will support him.

The public humiliation by the teacher. You should ask the administration some questions. Is it possible there was a misunderstanding? He said something inappropriate but it was unintentional. He clearly is confused by the situation so it should be addressed and again perhaps a counselor or therapist could help.

The safety issue isn't a big deal or that unusual. The doors are locked and you need a key to enter the buildings. The kids are in high school so if they are willing to go somewhere with a stranger then boarding school is not the right fit. You must have approved a leave request for the weekend?? At my son's school they can not leave without parent permission however they do not necessarily pay attention to the time or have someone to check them out. I think plans and times change frequently, especially if parents are traveling so they are flexible with this.

I would probably reach out to an educational consultant ( someone reputable) and work on finding the right fit for him. These consultants are experienced and know all the schools. Some schools are better with international students than other schools. They will help you with the recommendation letters because they have relationships. I don't think getting a lawyer involved is worth the time or money. I would focus on finding the right fit and it doesn't sound like this school is it. However see how your son feels because maybe there are things they can do to help him and it sounds like he needs more support.

I'm a parent of two boys.

I can only comment on some of this.

3) Your son needs a new roommate. There is no way to prove what was said to who. But your son reported that he was hit, and there are racial issues being discussed. The head of school should want this resolved by separating the kids. That's the only way to get this kind of situation to die down.

5) Zero chain of custody for a 12 year old at boarding school sounds negligent.

People swearing is unprofessional but more common here.

I'd keep things calm and have a meeting with the head and say the school does not seem to be a fit and the roommate is bullying. Ask the head if they can give good exit recommendations or not. See what the person says.

I think you only need a lawyer if you want to try to get money back. These issues about swearing, an ingrown toenail, fights between kids don't sound like legal matters.

You didn't get the school product that you thought you were paying for. Unfortunately, sometimes the consumer pays the cost of mistakes.

Hello everyone. We are an international family and my son (12) recently started attending a private boarding school in New York. We have been here less than 3 months, and unfortunately we have already faced multiple serious issues, and I truly don’t know what to do.

1. Medical negligence

My son had an infected ingrown toenail with pus. I repeatedly emailed the school nurse asking for help and daily care. The condition always improved when he was home on weekends, and worsened during the school week. I asked several times to take him to a podiatrist. Instead, they first took him to an Urgent Care and gave him antibiotics, which didn’t help. Later they finally took him to a podiatrist, but still the care was inconsistent. Last week the nurse wrote to me suggesting that I should take him home indefinitely to treat him, even though he feels fine, has no temperature and is not contagious.

2. Secret Zoom meeting without my knowledge

Because the nurse started accusing me by email of being a bad mother and refusing medical care (which is absolutely false), I asked to schedule a Zoom call with the director. While I was in class, she scheduled it 15 minutes later without notifying me and held the call with the school principal behind my back. They clearly didn’t expect the recording to be sent to me.

I received the full Zoom recording and transcript, and I was shocked:
• They discussed me and my child in a humiliating tone
• They used profanity about me (principal said “f***ing unbelievable” etc.)
• They called my son “silly kid”
• They said I “don’t care” and accused me of neglect
• They said I refused medical help, although I have written proof that I asked for it many times
• They mocked the fact that we live “only 1.5h away,” while in reality we are 3.5 hours away and spend 6–7 hours every weekend driving

3. Bullying in the dorm

My son’s roommate constantly bullies him:
• hits him with a telescopic stick,
• breaks his things,
• interrupts his online lessons, plays loud music, mocks him,
• says: “You can’t say anything to me, I’m Black. Try it and you’ll be punished.”

We reported this twice, but the administration ignored us. The dean told us this boy is “a perfect student” and nothing changed.

4. Public humiliation by a teacher

Recently during an event in sports hall (with many students watching), the math teacher yelled at my son:
“Shut up” / “Get out of here”
He was deeply humiliated and didn’t understand why, because nobody else was told anything.

5. Safety issues

There is zero security at the school territory. We once arrived late at night, drove onto campus freely, took our son, and nobody noticed or asked anything. Anyone could do that.

⸻

What I need advice on

We want to transfer him to a different school immediately. The problem is that new schools require recommendations, and after this situation I am afraid the principal may intentionally write a bad one and harm our son’s future.

We are in NYC, and a friend advised us to contact a lawyer (educational attorney + possibly medical negligence). This is very stressful, we feel lost, we don’t know if we are overreacting or if these are really serious violations in the US.

Questions:
• What would you do in this situation?
• Is this something an educational lawyer would handle?
• Should we file complaints officially?
• Can we request neutral recommendation letters?
• Any lawyer recommendations in NY?

Thank you so much in advance.