Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say drama, but my friends and I are all in perimenopause with kids in high school. We lean on each other, commiserate, and brainstorm. Isn't that what friends are for?

Yes, that is what friends are for. 17:07 PP here. My drama llama friend makes a big deal about everything. On a scale of 1 to 10, the things going on in her life are always an 11 through her eyes.

I have one friend like this but as others have said she has *always* been like this. I met her when I was late 20s. I'm now late 50s, and she is 70 (only child, divorced with no kids, and her parents are long gone). She lives out of state and any call we have is always alllll about whatever the latest "drama" is in her life (e.g., she recently called me for my birthday, which was very nice, but after wishing me a happy birthday launched into her latest crisis). It's draining but she says my advice is good so she likes to run things by me. I think it's probably more that she doesn't have many other friends to talk to and confide in.

No Op. Not unless they are alcoholics

Everyone always has their issues but when you say "drama" I imagine the way people can be in their 20s and 30s, where there can be a tendency to make a big deal out of every problem. Like I remember when I was in my early 30s, a friend had to do some extended travel for work (like several weeks somewhere) and she made a HUGE deal out of it, every conversation was talking about what a burden it was and how she had to get a longterm cat sitter and would have to travel from the remote location for a family wedding and that meant changing plane tickets. I remember literally weeks of discussing this work trip with her. In retrospect, it was incredibly dumb and she was just worked up because she hadn't traveled much for work before, plus I think she sort of enjoyed drawing attention to it like "look how important my job is!"

I never have friends with that sort of drama anymore. It's a childish approach to life and everyone I know has outgrown it. Same with petty friend dramas about being mad at so and so or gossiping about friends who are on the outs or whatever. You just move on from that stuff.

However my friends still have problems sometimes. Recently a friend confided in me about a tricky issue with her ILs and how she and her DH are navigating it but it has been stressing her out and keeping her up at night. I confided in her about moving one of my kids to a new school this year and how even though it had gone well, it surprised me how much anxiety I wound up having about it, and how many little ways it impacted us to be at a different school. But we weren't dramatic. It was just like "this is what is going on with me."

So in that sense, none of my friends have "drama" like they used to. We are older and wiser and can handle most things ourselves, but also it is nice sometimes to tell a friend what is going on or to admit to them that something has been weighing on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say drama, but my friends and I are all in perimenopause with kids in high school. We lean on each other, commiserate, and brainstorm. Isn't that what friends are for?

+1, and I'm a bit older (50s, with kids in college).

Reminder to OP that we grew up with a TELEphone, talking to girlfriends for hours about anything and nothing. For women in my GenX cohort, it's not weird or "dramatic" or codependent to just talk with your mouth (not text) to your friends. On the regular, as an activity.

I accept that the same activity would seem strange perhaps to 19 year olds who cannot look up from their phones.

+1. Good point, pp. Late boomer here. My gfs and I will text and then someone will call to continue the convo.

Yes.

But the ones with the drama tend to be 1) the divorced ones, and 2) the ones who always had drama.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say drama, but my friends and I are all in perimenopause with kids in high school. We lean on each other, commiserate, and brainstorm. Isn't that what friends are for?

+1, and I'm a bit older (50s, with kids in college).

Reminder to OP that we grew up with a TELEphone, talking to girlfriends for hours about anything and nothing. For women in my GenX cohort, it's not weird or "dramatic" or codependent to just talk with your mouth (not text) to your friends. On the regular, as an activity.

I accept that the same activity would seem strange perhaps to 19 year olds who cannot look up from their phones.

40s-50s I think is a hard age for women (can also be great.) But how about OP a quick call where you say to friend you're feeling uncomfortable or in different words that she's a bit needier verbally than you are up for, but how can you best support her? Bottom line: most people would rather have someone who takes their calls and is genuinely their friend than someone who doesn't and isn't.

Yes. He’s been creating drama in our friend group since middle school. We are in our late 50s.

I like to talk to friends for advice, but my "drama" is stuff most people would find boring (e.g. having a coworker make a sexist comment, my mother being annoying about my sister's weight gain).

I have one friend like this but she also is willing to listen to my less frequent vents and worries.

Yes, at 49 I have a 38 yo friend who seems to be in her 20s mentally now. It’s strange because she used to be very even keeled.

I wouldn't say drama, but my friends and I are all in perimenopause with kids in high school. We lean on each other, commiserate, and brainstorm. Isn't that what friends are for?

I have one friend at 45 who constantly needed to talk about her dramatic “boy problems.” It was the same BS 20 years later and only dating deadbeats in and out of rehab as well. Our friendship ended for another reason but it’s a relief to not have to hear about the constant drama now. I think she’s mentally ill to be honest and she’s had therapy over many years but it’s not helping. I wish her well but it’s too much.

This comes up occasionally for almost everyone I know, of course - everyone has issues occasionally- but I have several friends who often seem to be in some sort of crisis, and are always reaching out for comfort and to vent, and I find myself sending their calls to voicemail. Even if I’m not busy, I’m just too tired to speak to them.