OP here. Yes - living at home, working. Pausing college to get on track and reconsider if it’s the right time / choice for college. There are multiple underlying factors that make this terrible coping method understandable (??) even though we as parents are and have always been firmly against it and parented that way / sent that very clear message consistently.

We are working with their therapist w a few collaborative sessions to try to address this. It’s complex.

Just getting a sense of how others deal with this. Our influence as parents is just roundly dismissed on this issue. As with any addiction there are lies surrounding use. And infuriatingly it is always just up to the person to give it up. It seems like this generation is just so blasé about the impacts of weed use of any kind when they’re so young, especially. So sad about it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - question for either of the previous posters - did you go through this as well and sharing from perspective of things that worked in a similar situation? Or just expressing your boundaries - either is fine, just clarifying.

If these did happen as a result of similar situation, how did it work out? Did the relationship eventually improve or worsen? Did they eventually change their lifestyle? Thx.

Im a NP, and I did set a boundary with family members that they are not allowed to enter my home if they are under the influence. I said it, they raged, but then they did come over.
I didn't ask questions but knowing the boundary was stated did impact their behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I share OP's question. In our case, the young adult does live separately and is paying their own bills, but it is clear that the heavy pot use has somewhat parked them in neutral---they don't like their job, would like to make more money, but are not really taking any steps to better their situation. We keep our mouth shut because they ARE paying their bills, and we made it clear that bank of mom and dad would not be bankrolling living beyond one's means, though we might be willing to help with post-graduate education geared towards improving DC's economic situation. But I still would like some ideas on how to gently suggest that laying off the weed might help with focusing on ambition.

There is not "gently" way to talk about drug usage with a young adult. You are their parents and have the right to be concerned. Whether they listen or not it will up to them, however, you can't turn a blind eye on the situation. It's not about who's paying the bills or not, it's about their well-being.

Write down the things you want to say and have a calm/honest conversation. Make sure they are not high when you do...

Not OP but I share OP's question. In our case, the young adult does live separately and is paying their own bills, but it is clear that the heavy pot use has somewhat parked them in neutral---they don't like their job, would like to make more money, but are not really taking any steps to better their situation. We keep our mouth shut because they ARE paying their bills, and we made it clear that bank of mom and dad would not be bankrolling living beyond one's means, though we might be willing to help with post-graduate education geared towards improving DC's economic situation. But I still would like some ideas on how to gently suggest that laying off the weed might help with focusing on ambition.

Anonymous wrote:How have you dealt with a fundamental difference of opinion w your AC regarding habitual cannabis use (that now seems to be leaning toward addiction / heavy dependency)?

No amount of gentle cues, evidence about health impacts, or insistent guidance seems to move the needle re them ceasing a commitment to this “lifestyle”

Without opinions on what may have caused this, can anyone who had experience with this chime in as to what did or didn’t help the situation?

Very hard to see this happening and knowing since they’re an adult there is a very limited influence on how they live their life. It is having terrible impacts on the rest of the family.

Is it immediate impact on family bc living with you? Are you finding the use? You will get different answers if you are asking about someone living on their own, paying their own bills, paying for own apartment, insurance, groceries and gas v someone living with you, you are paying for everything.

Anonymous wrote:1) kick them out of the house
2) then it is their decision but continue to express your disapproval and that it may cost them their job if they can't control it.

just because it is now "legal", doesn't mean it's ok or safe.

I posted the above. my good friend went through this with her dd. It then got worse before it got better. but the dd is now a married functioning adult.
My friend is convinced she wouldn't have grown up and gotten better if she continued to live under her roof.

Is he supporting himself? Does he live with you?

What helps it is addressing what caused it.

Anonymous wrote:How have you dealt with a fundamental difference of opinion w your AC regarding habitual cannabis use (that now seems to be leaning toward addiction / heavy dependency)?

No amount of gentle cues, evidence about health impacts, or insistent guidance seems to move the needle re them ceasing a commitment to this “lifestyle”

Without opinions on what may have caused this, can anyone who had experience with this chime in as to what did or didn’t help the situation?

Very hard to see this happening and knowing since they’re an adult there is a very limited influence on how they live their life. It is having terrible impacts on the rest of the family.

In what way? Can you give examples?

OP did you ever set boundaries at home regarding drug usage?

Not sure how old your son is but I have a 20 yr. old who smokes weed (more now that he's in College) and thinks there's nothing wrong with it.

We have struggle with him in the past, However, he knows drugs are not allowed at home. He must be clean to come home and if I find anything... all goes in the trash.

We have talked to him countless of times and he understands that to be around the family he has to be clean.

If his usage is impacting the family, I would find a time when he's not high and have a conversation with him and let him know.
It will be up to him then if he wants to remain part of the family or not...

OP here - question for either of the previous posters - did you go through this as well and sharing from perspective of things that worked in a similar situation? Or just expressing your boundaries - either is fine, just clarifying.

If these did happen as a result of similar situation, how did it work out? Did the relationship eventually improve or worsen? Did they eventually change their lifestyle? Thx.

and tell them they are not invited in your home if they are intoxicated.

1) kick them out of the house
2) then it is their decision but continue to express your disapproval and that it may cost them their job if they can't control it.

just because it is now "legal", doesn't mean it's ok or safe.

How have you dealt with a fundamental difference of opinion w your AC regarding habitual cannabis use (that now seems to be leaning toward addiction / heavy dependency)?

No amount of gentle cues, evidence about health impacts, or insistent guidance seems to move the needle re them ceasing a commitment to this “lifestyle”

Without opinions on what may have caused this, can anyone who had experience with this chime in as to what did or didn’t help the situation?

Very hard to see this happening and knowing since they’re an adult there is a very limited influence on how they live their life. It is having terrible impacts on the rest of the family.