I was a Nanny years ago for a state dept family in similar situation. The Dad moved back here with one child for a year

Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to take this job? Our priority once kids reached middle school was to not move.

If you absolutely have to, senior gets to complete final year in CT. 8th grader gets to decide whether to move for 9th grade or 10th.

This. 8 th grade is Old enough to have a vote.

OP, you know your kids best. I think your plan makes sense if you think it would be better for your older kid to finish HS at his school and you think it would be better for your younger one to start HS in the new place. But there is not one right answer for everyone. It would not be tragic for your older one to move now or your younger one to move in 10th grade.

Anonymous wrote:op here. Another option is for me to continue commuting until my older one finishes high school, and then move the entire family to DC. However, that would mean my younger son would have to start at a new high school in his sophomore year. Since he’s relatively shy and takes longer to make new friends, this timing could be challenging for him.

You commute. How is this a question. Let your wife decide.

Do you have to take this job? Our priority once kids reached middle school was to not move.

If you absolutely have to, senior gets to complete final year in CT. 8th grader gets to decide whether to move for 9th grade or 10th.

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids—an 8th grader and a high school junior. I need to relocate to the DC area next summer for work; otherwise I would have to commute from Connecticut (four days a week in office), which isn’t sustainable. My wife’s job is fully remote.

One option is for myself and my 8th grader to move to DC next summer so he can start high school there, while my wife stays in CT with our older child until he graduates from high school(or probably finishing his college application?). This minimizes disruption for both kids, but my younger one would see his mom only during holidays and school breaks.

The other option is for the whole family to move next summer, but that would force my older child to switch schools for senior year, which could really disrupt his college application process.

Any suggestions on how to approach this decision?

Keep both kids with mom and you commute back and forth as much as you can and then move after the HS junior graduates since he just has one more year of school except if he says he's ok moving and his credits transfer so he can graduate on time.

What does your wife want? As a mom I wouldn't be ok with that for my youngest.

I think the best idea is to split the family as you originally suggested.

It's a big benefit to do all of high school in the same place.

My sister just moved and her kid started a new school as a sophomore. It is a disadvantage even though he had good freshman grades. All kinds of issues grafting two different state requirements together.

My dad got a new job when I was a junior. I finished at the same high school as a senior. I would have hated moving.

The next best option is for OP to go to Washington with no kids.

I lived with my grandparents for two months in 8th grade and they drove me to the school district I graduated from. I was the advance guard of my parents' move to that area. That was actually a very special time in my relationship with my grandparents. OP, you and your younger kid might actually become closer due to this unusual setup.

I also believe that it's really easy to stay in daily contact through phones and web calls now. It's an acceptable stopgap. And similar to having a college student re: your senior.

Hate to say this but it might be useful to keep your old house for a year in case you don't like the new job.

I think your plan sounds good, OP.

I also wanted to add, I think it is important for each child to live with at least one parent. I wouldn’t leave the senior with friends or extended family unless it was an emergency situation. Senior year and college applications are very stressful.

Assuming everybody is on board with it and the eighth grader is relatively mature, adaptable and flexible, I would do your plan. I think it is important to let the senior finish at the same high school if possible. My second choice would be to leave the eighth grader with mom for freshman year, and then they move together after the senior has graduated.

You know your kids the best and what would create the most stress for your younger child. Good luck.

op here. Another option is for me to continue commuting until my older one finishes high school, and then move the entire family to DC. However, that would mean my younger son would have to start at a new high school in his sophomore year. Since he’s relatively shy and takes longer to make new friends, this timing could be challenging for him.

I’d do a year apart in this scenario. Maybe the adults fly a lot and swap for the weekends as much as possible. I guess the senior could stay by themselves with family (if that exists) but the amount of special things senior year that parents attend would be heartbreaking to do alone, IMO.

You get a new job
You move only and come up on weekends and holidays.
You and your 8th grader move and mom visits weekends, holidays.
Your oldest moves in with family for the school year assuming family are in CT.

I have two kids—an 8th grader and a high school junior. I need to relocate to the DC area next summer for work; otherwise I would have to commute from Connecticut (four days a week in office), which isn’t sustainable. My wife’s job is fully remote.

One option is for myself and my 8th grader to move to DC next summer so he can start high school there, while my wife stays in CT with our older child until he graduates from high school(or probably finishing his college application?). This minimizes disruption for both kids, but my younger one would see his mom only during holidays and school breaks.

The other option is for the whole family to move next summer, but that would force my older child to switch schools for senior year, which could really disrupt his college application process.

Any suggestions on how to approach this decision?