Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally do not ask people if they lost weight. I may say something like “you look great, what have you been up to” but even when someone has very noticeably lost a lot of weight, I don’t feel right about acknowledging it directly because I personally don’t like when people comment on my body. I saw a friend recently who clearly has lost a ton of weight and I felt bad afterward for not saying anything because in hindsight she definitely wants people to notice. How do others handle this? To comment or not to comment?

I've recently lost about 70lbs. This is ridiculous -- you can't say that you will say "you look great, what have you been up to?" and in the same breath claim you do not ask people if they lost weight. Those of us who have lost weight know full well that this "you look great, what have you been up to?" stuff means "I see you are a lot thinner, how did you do it, are you on that medication?"

Do not comment on other people's bodies, directly or in a roundabout way. Period. If they bring it up, fine. If not, say nothing. Any other approach is beyond rude. Whether the person who has lost weight knows that or not.

Op here—I can see how you read my post the way you did. I was trying to say that I say something positive like “you look great” and then switch the topic to “what’s news” or “how are things.” I posted because I never comment on weight, but had an interaction with a school mom friend who has clearly lost a bit of weight and I didn’t comment on it. I complimented her haircut and said she looked great. Then I switched subjects to ask about her family. But when someone else at the event did comment on the weight she lit up and told them all about it and I kind of felt like a heel for not saying something. I still think my no comment was the right thing to do, but just felt bad nevertheless.

Anonymous wrote:No. I make no comments on how people look and I don't want them from other people.

Agree.

Anonymous wrote:I personally do not ask people if they lost weight. I may say something like “you look great, what have you been up to” but even when someone has very noticeably lost a lot of weight, I don’t feel right about acknowledging it directly because I personally don’t like when people comment on my body. I saw a friend recently who clearly has lost a ton of weight and I felt bad afterward for not saying anything because in hindsight she definitely wants people to notice. How do others handle this? To comment or not to comment?

I've recently lost about 70lbs. This is ridiculous -- you can't say that you will say "you look great, what have you been up to?" and in the same breath claim you do not ask people if they lost weight. Those of us who have lost weight know full well that this "you look great, what have you been up to?" stuff means "I see you are a lot thinner, how did you do it, are you on that medication?"

Do not comment on other people's bodies, directly or in a roundabout way. Period. If they bring it up, fine. If not, say nothing. Any other approach is beyond rude. Whether the person who has lost weight knows that or not.

Never ever comment on someone’s body. Main reason is it just creates awkwardness. The recipient may feel self conscious and may feel the need to return the compliment. It just causes issues.

Anonymous wrote:No. I make no comments on how people look and I don't want them from other people.

Ever.

If they bring it up first, then maybe. But I wouldn't bring it up.

several people didn't recognize me actually. this is the highest level compliment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally never comment on appearance or bodies unless it's to complement a choice that person has very clearly conciously made such as an accessory they are wearing or a new hair cut.

Anything that may not be a choice (such as weight or changes in someone's body) should never be mentioned.

This. It is never ok to comment on another person's body (loss or gain), unless they bring it up first.

Commenting on things people wear or hair is one thing. Or maybe complimenting positively on their features ("you have amazing cheekbones!"). But on weight? Never ever ever.

To edit: if they're talking about going to them gym regularly, it's ok to say "you look great!" or "you look like you're getting in shape!" - but only after they bring it up. Don't *start* the conversation on people's bodies.

Anonymous wrote:Literally never comment on appearance or bodies unless it's to complement a choice that person has very clearly conciously made such as an accessory they are wearing or a new hair cut.

Anything that may not be a choice (such as weight or changes in someone's body) should never be mentioned.

This. It is never ok to comment on another person's body (loss or gain), unless they bring it up first.

Commenting on things people wear or hair is one thing. Or maybe complimenting positively on their features ("you have amazing cheekbones!"). But on weight? Never ever ever.

No. I make no comments on how people look and I don't want them from other people.

Literally never comment on appearance or bodies unless it's to complement a choice that person has very clearly conciously made such as an accessory they are wearing or a new hair cut.

Anything that may not be a choice (such as weight or changes in someone's body) should never be mentioned.

Anonymous wrote:"You look great" without any questions/comments is fine. But don't ask "What's your secret?" or "How'd you do it?" or anything else intrusive. Even "What have you been doing?" is wrong.

This. But I do salute OP for making an effort.

"You look great" without any questions/comments is fine. But don't ask "What's your secret?" or "How'd you do it?" or anything else intrusive. Even "What have you been doing?" is wrong.

Do not comment. “You look great” is perfect. If they want to talk about their weight loss, that’s a good opening for them to do it.

I personally do not ask people if they lost weight. I may say something like “you look great, what have you been up to” but even when someone has very noticeably lost a lot of weight, I don’t feel right about acknowledging it directly because I personally don’t like when people comment on my body. I saw a friend recently who clearly has lost a ton of weight and I felt bad afterward for not saying anything because in hindsight she definitely wants people to notice. How do others handle this? To comment or not to comment?