"Yeah, it would be great if he could be a plumber. It's a great career. Too bad it requires manual dexterity and the ability to follow directions."

Anonymous wrote:Op, they get to talk about life around them and not filter it for your special need. situation.

Gossiping about other people's kids is shallow and mean.

Op, they get to talk about life around them and not filter it for your special need. situation.

My mother raised three NT children and is the queen of unsolicited advice!. Specifically when it comes to how to parent my ASD child.

Anonymous wrote:People are trying to help. They have no idea what you've thought of, who you've talked with, what research you've already done, etc.

It's kind of like when you get engaged and you're going to hav to repeat the story over and over, so you figure out how to tell it in three sentences. Figure out how to say "Jayden is going to live with us probably until at least 24, and isn't interested in plumbing, but we're working towards figuring it out." Or whatever his status is that you/he are comfortable sharing.

Trying to help by judging and saying stuff they don't really know anything about. They might as well be giving advice to a cancer patient. I would pay it no mind unless something resonates with you. People are ignorant and want to pretend they aren't.

Anonymous wrote:Welp in this economy, there will be many kids living in their parent’s basement.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I was told if I was right by God, he would heal me and my kid.

God doesnt exist outside yourself. Just focus on yourself and your behavior.

Most people love the idea of let them especially when they are on the outside. Their idea of helping a special needs kid is let them because they arent that interested, don't really understand, and don't have to do the work of supporting a special needs child.

I do think sometimes parents do too much to help special needs children and accepting them and changing less is part of the journey. Of course that is more work and money for us down the road if they can't support themselves so in some ways we act with the same motivation.

Welp in this economy, there will be many kids living in their parent’s basement.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I was told if I was right by God, he would heal me and my kid.

People are trying to help. They have no idea what you've thought of, who you've talked with, what research you've already done, etc.

It's kind of like when you get engaged and you're going to hav to repeat the story over and over, so you figure out how to tell it in three sentences. Figure out how to say "Jayden is going to live with us probably until at least 24, and isn't interested in plumbing, but we're working towards figuring it out." Or whatever his status is that you/he are comfortable sharing.

People say dumb things.

I just need to throw this one in....when mine was delayed with speaking, the number of people who suggested I talk to him more/read to him/teach sign language....as though we didn't already do this.

Anonymous wrote:I just tell those people that my child will probably never launch, and that’s ok.

I find people cannot understand this, but I love my son as is. I want him to reach full potential whatever that full potential is, but most of all I want him to be enjoy his life. He didn't choose his special needs and medical issues. He may need to live with us for many years or forever. My concern is more about the future without us and having him learn to live on his own so his siblings don't need to take him in, but I feel like I live in an alternate universe people cannot comprehend and they will be waiting to judge if he cannot fit their mold of what is acceptable.

I just tell those people that my child will probably never launch, and that’s ok.

I know what you mean. It’s like most people only understand special needs if your child has Down’s syndrome.

Do you find some family members or people who know about your child's SN feel the need to share their wisdom having no experience raising someone with special needs? There are a lot of question marks for my teen's future, but apparently, if we figure out college isn't for him, he can just be a plumber. Did you know they make a lot of money? (If I had a dollar for every time I heard this). It doesn't matter if he has none of the skills or aptitude. He should magically go to and get through trade school and know what trade he wants and all will be magical. He is expected to be ready to live on his own and I shouldn't coddle him even though he has few of the independence skills he needs. It goes on. We have gotten intervention since he was a baby and he's had career assessments, etc. and he is an amazing young person. I set boundaries respectfully with the know-it-alls, but people can't seem to resist sharing their fix when they sense any anxiety, I have getting questions about where he will go once high school is over. Those same people love to gossip about the failure to launch kid in the basement and they just judge the kids and the parents without having any understanding of all that people do to try to help their kids be able to launch to at some point.

I know people mean well and just want to have easy solutions, just a vent.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.