Anonymous
11/13/2025 18:21
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
I do this when I can't stand the parent/kid and have zero interest in my kid being friends with yours.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:39
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
Anonymous wrote:There's a little girl that's friendly with my daughter at school. They're both in Kindergarten, and aftercare together. She's a sweet kid, and we've had her over to play several times. They went to the same preschool. The kids play well together, and the mom usually hangs out, I like her, too.
We've never been to their house, which is fine, but every time I see this kid at aftercare, she talks about how she really wants my daughter to come to her house, and how she has a big dollhouse, even bigger than my daughter's, and she wants to show her. And every time I say, "we'd love to, Larla! Just have your mom text me!" - we've had this exchange probably 5-6 times this school year, with no invite from mom. Again, fine, lots of parents don't host for a variety of reasons, I have no complaints about that.
Well, the last time I saw her, and we did our back and forth, and she said "last weekend mom said you guys were too busy to come and play."
Now, maybe the kid made that up. But it seems more likely that mom is fibbing to get Larla off her back. On one hand, I get that. Especially if the reasons they don't want us over are complex or grownup-y reasons, the temptation to fib to get your kid to drop it is understandable. But it really, really bothered me. This is a sweet kid, and I don't want her to think we're too busy for her! I don't get the feeling she has a lot of friends at school. Maybe I'm over reacting - my parenting style (um, and also kinda life style?) is to give the whole truth, so that probably contributes to my feeling about this.
I was thinking of inviting them over again soon - would you say something to the mom? What would you say? I don't want to overstep, but I really dislike that she's making us out to be the bad guys to her kid.
I would tell the kid that we weren’t busy, and I don’t know why her mom told her that.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:35
Subject: Re:Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
This would piss me off. Tell your kid no if you have to but don’t make up lies about what I supposedly said.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:30
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
I am PP and wanted to add - I used to have a lot of anxiety about having people over. Out house is like midrange for our neighborhood and social circle but honestly it's messy and there's some need for minor repairs etc that have accumulated that make it look a little rundown. We both are struggling with low grade depression and DH is unemployed. There is actually one friend I haven't had over because her house is SO nice as is her hostessing. I do reach out and suggest other activities for our kids. Just let this person be, honestly.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:29
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
I wouldn't be surprised if there is something she's embarrassed about or wants to keep private. Hoarding, disrepair of house or physical or mental health issues of family members. Some people also don't like to have visitors for many reasons. Some people don't want their kids to spend time with friends, also for many reasons.
I wonder about the girl's description of her doll house. Is that a fantasy? Like her house isn't that great and she's fibbing about it. I wonder. Or maybe they are much wealthier?
I wonder about the girl's description of her doll house. Is that a fantasy? Like her house isn't that great and she's fibbing about it. I wonder. Or maybe they are much wealthier?
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:27
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
OP this isn't about you, it's about the other parent. Agree with PPs that they are too overwhelmed and lack bandwidth to plan/host or they don't like having people over due to their house, someone's issue, or anxiety etc. I would not raise this, it's invasive. What tht mom said about your family is SO innocuous.
Continue to do playdates if your DD likes the other girl, at that age parks, playgrounds, outdoor events, play spaces - tons of stuff to do besides someone's house.
Continue to do playdates if your DD likes the other girl, at that age parks, playgrounds, outdoor events, play spaces - tons of stuff to do besides someone's house.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:20
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
Anonymous wrote:My husband is a hoarder. Only my very close friends come over, those that knew us before we moved into this house and watched it clutter up.
Sorry, OP.
Me again. Luckily when my kids were little, the hoarding wasn't as bad and they had all the playdates they wanted. But now... thankfully they'll be out of the house soon.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:14
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
My husband is a hoarder. Only my very close friends come over, those that knew us before we moved into this house and watched it clutter up.
Sorry, OP.
Sorry, OP.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:08
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
Anonymous wrote:We don't host many playdates. DH has OCD (diagnosed, not social media OCD) and it's very stressful to have additional kids in the house. I hate this, I've fought it, I know it's damaging to our kids, but it's what it is. It's more trouble than it's worth so we do meetups, outings, DH is happy to take kids to sporting events etc. and it's fine and fun in those cases.
I know I could easily be the other mom in this situation because sometimes I have to plead out of it with my kids, especially when they were little. I guess you never know.
Ok, but don’t make the other parents look like the a-holes. Figure out a way to put it on yourselves even if you don’t want to out your dh’s disability. It’s one thing to lie and say I can’t take you to the ice cream shop because it’s closed and another to lie and say “Karla’s
Parents just can’t make time for you”
Anonymous
11/13/2025 16:05
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
We don't host many playdates. DH has OCD (diagnosed, not social media OCD) and it's very stressful to have additional kids in the house. I hate this, I've fought it, I know it's damaging to our kids, but it's what it is. It's more trouble than it's worth so we do meetups, outings, DH is happy to take kids to sporting events etc. and it's fine and fun in those cases.
I know I could easily be the other mom in this situation because sometimes I have to plead out of it with my kids, especially when they were little. I guess you never know.
I know I could easily be the other mom in this situation because sometimes I have to plead out of it with my kids, especially when they were little. I guess you never know.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 15:59
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
It’s really weird that this bothers you, and no I would not say anything. How do you envision that going??
Anonymous
11/13/2025 15:59
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
Maybe the mom is ashamed of hteir house. I was friends with a woman who is a hoarder. Her daughter was always beautifully dressed, great hair, etc. But in over ten years I never went to her house and after about four years, she confessed to being a hoarder. I offered to come over and help once, and she smiled and said she wasn't ready yet but would let me know.
So I dropped it. You have to just let the mom lie.
So I dropped it. You have to just let the mom lie.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 15:51
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
From the mouths of babes.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 15:51
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
OP here. In reading this, it's pretty clear there's not really anything I can say or do. The whole situation just bums me out. Poor kid.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 15:50
Subject: Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"
There's a little girl that's friendly with my daughter at school. They're both in Kindergarten, and aftercare together. She's a sweet kid, and we've had her over to play several times. They went to the same preschool. The kids play well together, and the mom usually hangs out, I like her, too.
We've never been to their house, which is fine, but every time I see this kid at aftercare, she talks about how she really wants my daughter to come to her house, and how she has a big dollhouse, even bigger than my daughter's, and she wants to show her. And every time I say, "we'd love to, Larla! Just have your mom text me!" - we've had this exchange probably 5-6 times this school year, with no invite from mom. Again, fine, lots of parents don't host for a variety of reasons, I have no complaints about that.
Well, the last time I saw her, and we did our back and forth, and she said "last weekend mom said you guys were too busy to come and play."
Now, maybe the kid made that up. But it seems more likely that mom is fibbing to get Larla off her back. On one hand, I get that. Especially if the reasons they don't want us over are complex or grownup-y reasons, the temptation to fib to get your kid to drop it is understandable. But it really, really bothered me. This is a sweet kid, and I don't want her to think we're too busy for her! I don't get the feeling she has a lot of friends at school. Maybe I'm over reacting - my parenting style (um, and also kinda life style?) is to give the whole truth, so that probably contributes to my feeling about this.
I was thinking of inviting them over again soon - would you say something to the mom? What would you say? I don't want to overstep, but I really dislike that she's making us out to be the bad guys to her kid.
We've never been to their house, which is fine, but every time I see this kid at aftercare, she talks about how she really wants my daughter to come to her house, and how she has a big dollhouse, even bigger than my daughter's, and she wants to show her. And every time I say, "we'd love to, Larla! Just have your mom text me!" - we've had this exchange probably 5-6 times this school year, with no invite from mom. Again, fine, lots of parents don't host for a variety of reasons, I have no complaints about that.
Well, the last time I saw her, and we did our back and forth, and she said "last weekend mom said you guys were too busy to come and play."
Now, maybe the kid made that up. But it seems more likely that mom is fibbing to get Larla off her back. On one hand, I get that. Especially if the reasons they don't want us over are complex or grownup-y reasons, the temptation to fib to get your kid to drop it is understandable. But it really, really bothered me. This is a sweet kid, and I don't want her to think we're too busy for her! I don't get the feeling she has a lot of friends at school. Maybe I'm over reacting - my parenting style (um, and also kinda life style?) is to give the whole truth, so that probably contributes to my feeling about this.
I was thinking of inviting them over again soon - would you say something to the mom? What would you say? I don't want to overstep, but I really dislike that she's making us out to be the bad guys to her kid.