This happened to me in MS and it happened to my dd and to my ds. It happens. It’s HARD. But your role is to not also feel like it’s the end of the world and something that needs fixing. Sure plan some more family outings and help her find new activities, but don’t go so overboard that she thinks this is a Problem with a capital P. Listen, validate, then help her grow coping mechanisms instead of just distracting her.

It's unfortunate that it go to this point. The best way to deal with a bully is the very first time they try to pull some crap on you - confront immediately and let them know you won't take their sh*t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

This Queen Bee behavior by the instigator is awful - and often it is a learned behavior.

This happened to me in HS. I later became friends again with the same girls by the end of HS and the instigator was like "I was mad at you and have no idea why" so it was all over nothing. I never did anything and she couldn't even remember what the supposed slight was about. We were never very close again after that because I never trusted her again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

This Queen Bee behavior by the instigator is awful - and often it is a learned behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Then she needs to stop expecting inclusion and look for new friends. Wanting to be with people or inviting to something where you aren’t wanted is painful. But she needs to change her perspective of wanting them to be her friends, and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

I'm sorry for your DD, that's tough. There must be other girls she can ask to do things--someone she chats with in class etc.

Encourage your daughter to get involved in other activities and have friends in different groups. Don’t say anything bad about this friend since friendships change and that’s normal. Just gently encourage her to do other things.

That’s what we have done when friend groups have blown up with DD more than once.

Anonymous wrote:The same happened to my son. He leaned heavily on friends from outside of school. He immediately made new friends in high school, from students who attended other middle schools.

I would reassure your DD that middle school is awful for many people and that it does get better. And help her find a community outside school. Sports? Other activities? Religious school? Trying something new?

This.

We try to have different sets of friends different places. Friends at temple / church, friends at school, friends at scouts, and we di not intentionally mix them. Our scout troop is not thru school, so it has different kids than school.

In extreme cases, or if there is not much middle school mixing at HS, then consider switching schools for HS.

I’m sorry, OP. Kids this age can be horrid.

When this happened to my kid, DH and I made extra effort to make weekends and vacation days more fun and worthy of looking forward to. Trips to see family. Train to NY. Rock climbing. Etc. During the week, we’d play board games, go out to eat on occasion, and just have actual family time. It really helped. As did greatly reducing the amount of allowed screen time; we helped fill that time with family time and activities.

Eventually new school friends were found. It still stung, but the new friends are more nice & interesting vs “cool” and it’s been a much better mix.

Anonymous wrote:The same happened to my son. He leaned heavily on friends from outside of school. He immediately made new friends in high school, from students who attended other middle schools.

I would reassure your DD that middle school is awful for many people and that it does get better. And help her find a community outside school. Sports? Other activities? Religious school? Trying something new?

Thank you, we will try getting her involved in more after school activities.

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

The same happened to my son. He leaned heavily on friends from outside of school. He immediately made new friends in high school, from students who attended other middle schools.

I would reassure your DD that middle school is awful for many people and that it does get better. And help her find a community outside school. Sports? Other activities? Religious school? Trying something new?

The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The same happened to my daughter. Were transferred for high school.

Hello all,
My kid is in the 8th grade, and she has been doing pretty good until now. One of her friends started randomly excluding her, and making sure she knows that she’s being excluded. Aside with other small problems, this has taken a toll on my daughter’s mental health, and grades. I know middle school friends are hard, but is there any way that I could help her with this? Anything I could say to make her feel better?