Anonymous wrote:That pelvic exams hurt. That Pap smears hurt. That many of your patients have experienced sexual abuse and assault and that for many of us, seeing you is triggering. It can also be triggering for women who have had miscarriages, infertility, birth trauma, or birth injuries.

Don’t lie to women about how much labor hurts. Don’t consent women fully to a C section or discourage an elective C section. Don’t make a vaginal delivery and breastfeeding the goal, make the focus on a healthy mom and baby. Share the full risks of vaginal birth. Many women don’t find out about levator avulsion, pelvic organ prolapse (cystocele, rectocele, uterine prolapse), urinary/fecal incontinence, tail bone injuries, laxity, etc. until we are injured during childbirth and then we are angry that no one told us that that these injuries were even a possibility, and they can damage the quality of your life, every day, for the remainder of it, because surgical options are limited and for some of us, not even likely to work or will cause new issues.

Focus on postpartum mental health - seriously - and discourage breastfeeding if a mom’s health is being compromised by it or the sleep deprivation nursing can cause. I was not at all prepared or had even heard of things like postpartum PTSD, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, or dysphoric milk ejection reflex. Postpartum was hell and I was not prepared by my providers at all, and needed support and resources and specialists and pelvic PT and someone to follow me, and I had to basically beg for all of it. There is a reason suicide is a leading cause of death for postpartum women.

100% this. Stop acting like vaginal delivery is like taking a painful shit, and then everything snaps back. Spoiler: it doesn’t. (And to all you ladies who are living in “don’t ask, don’t tell” land, menopause is coming for you.)

Also, ask permission before you enter our vagina or rectum. You have to ask - every single time. Don’t tell me you’re doing it as I feel your fingers or instruments getting shoved inside me. Don’t just do it without saying anything. Ask my permission, it’s my body.

That pelvic exams hurt. That Pap smears hurt. That many of your patients have experienced sexual abuse and assault and that for many of us, seeing you is triggering. It can also be triggering for women who have had miscarriages, infertility, birth trauma, or birth injuries.

Don’t lie to women about how much labor hurts. Don’t consent women fully to a C section or discourage an elective C section. Don’t make a vaginal delivery and breastfeeding the goal, make the focus on a healthy mom and baby. Share the full risks of vaginal birth. Many women don’t find out about levator avulsion, pelvic organ prolapse (cystocele, rectocele, uterine prolapse), urinary/fecal incontinence, tail bone injuries, laxity, etc. until we are injured during childbirth and then we are angry that no one told us that that these injuries were even a possibility, and they can damage the quality of your life, every day, for the remainder of it, because surgical options are limited and for some of us, not even likely to work or will cause new issues.

Focus on postpartum mental health - seriously - and discourage breastfeeding if a mom’s health is being compromised by it or the sleep deprivation nursing can cause. I was not at all prepared or had even heard of things like postpartum PTSD, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, or dysphoric milk ejection reflex. Postpartum was hell and I was not prepared by my providers at all, and needed support and resources and specialists and pelvic PT and someone to follow me, and I had to basically beg for all of it. There is a reason suicide is a leading cause of death for postpartum women.

I had an incredible OB for ten years until she retired, we still share photos of my daughter who she delivered.

1. She treated me as the educated professional I am and never infantilizes or condescended.
2. If any pain relief was available it was offered— her perspective was its easier to decline than to ask.
3. When she said something that deviated from the usual ‘rules’ she explained why.

Don’t dismiss my pain while in labor.

I want you to be on time.

Stop gatekeeping BC. Don't make us come in. We could do our own pap smears in a kit better than you.

Please educated yourself and your staff on the best practices for handling prenatal diagnoses. When my NIPT results came back positive for Trisomy 21, the doctor called me at work and all she could say was, “I’m sorry.” She gave me no information or resources. She just dropped this huge bomb on my life and then hung up the phone. To her credit, she did proactively make me an appointment with an MFM for two days later. The MFM was able to connect me to a genetics counselor after I asked for a referral. I appreciated that no one tried to influence my decision about whether to continue the pregnancy (and it was a very difficult decision for me), but it was almost like they were afraid to say anything at all. I wish someone had truly asked me how I was feeling. They tiptoed around the issue for the rest of my pregnancy, and I felt very alone. It actually made me quite angry to get all the post-partum depression screenings, because no one ever seemed to care about my mental health while I was pregnant and dealing with the diagnosis. Thankfully I found an excellent therapist who specialized in prenatal diagnoses, but only after lots of searching; the doctors didn’t have anyone to recommend with that specialty. Just please be mindful that a prenatal diagnosis is tough and requires some sensitivity. That extends to other staff, too. I nearly had a panic attack during my next pregnancy when a staff member left me a serious voicemail telling me to call for my NIPT results. Everything was fine, but it freaked me out. And if there are bad or confusing test results, don’t just post them on the portal without clarifying them with the patient first.

I want some kind of sedation for IUD insertion.

If painkillers are suggested for a procedure, such as a biopsy, either prescribe them or make damn sure the patient is aware in time take them. Nothing like being told you should have taken a double dose of Motrin two hours ago but now you're SOL.

I want symptoms to not be dismissed just because I'm over 40 - not every weird thing is perimenopause!

I don't want commentary on my other prescriptions and whether I really need them. I'm under the care of another doctor, that's how I got the rx.

Finally, make sure you and your staff remain aware that, statistically, a huge number of your patients have been sexually assaulted and an exam is potentially very upsetting.

Thanks for asking!

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much for asking - and agree with PPs above. I'd add:

Please alert your c-section patients to possible constipation - and send them home with treatment. Had an otherwise excellent OB but I was not prepared when constipation struck over the weekend after DC's birth. I am still remember the trauma 20 years later.

On this front, I know some obs proactively suggest taking stool softener starting a week prior to a scheduled c. I wish mine brought up that suggestion.

PCOS is a real disease and condition that deserves to be treated as such. From diagnosis to "treatment" I was told how impossible the disease is with basically no options but to live with it.

Thanks so much for asking - and agree with PPs above. I'd add:

Please alert your c-section patients to possible constipation - and send them home with treatment. Had an otherwise excellent OB but I was not prepared when constipation struck over the weekend after DC's birth. I am still remember the trauma 20 years later.

I'd want you to have the newer speculums that are ergonomic.

I want you to know that you dismissing pain makes me lose any faith I may have had in you and if I ask for pain killers beyond Tylenol or Advil or IUD insertion or removal, you should give it. Heck, you should be proactive and offer it.

https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20250714-researchers-redesign-vaginal-speculum-to-ease-fear-and-pain

Be gentle and caring when inserting an IUD. Yes, I want the IUD, but it still hurts like hell going in. My current practioner was great for this. Thank you.

Have backups in place if I go into labor when you are off duty. I want to know those backups in advance. My first child was delivered by my primary ob/gyn, second was delivered by the alternate, but I knew the doctor and was 100% comfortable. Makes all the difference.

My only "didn't work well" story is an ob/gyn who was hesitant to prescribe birth control pills when I said that I wanted them for birth control (she wanted the answer to be "PMS cramps"). I found a new ob/gyn.

Ob/gyn here - what would you like us to know to provide you with better care? Specific examples of what others did that worked well or did not work well and should avoid. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.