Yes, I get annoyed by my partner’s frequent travel. I am the primary breadwinner in the family (make about 2x that of spouse) since he took a significant pay cut to pursue a job that he finds much more fulfilling but involves 10-15 days travel per month. My job involves much less travel but has no possibility of work from home and we have two young kids.

Our total HHI isn’t enough to throw significant amounts of money at the problem, nor is it easy to find ad hoc child care to cover for his changing travel schedule so I end up having to use almost all of my PTO and any goodwill I’ve built up with my office just to cover the gaps in coverage. Not to mention that it has just served to reinforce the dynamic of me being the default parent regardless of whether he is traveling or not.

It bothered me a lot when our kids were young, and I had to work full-time while also parenting solo, while my spouse took work travel and a lot of personal travel. It caused a lot of resentment that will probably never go away, because I was essentially working 16 hours a day between my full-time job, which we needed to support our family, and taking care of young children. It made me stop caring about him, if that makes sense.

Now that the kids are older, I actually prefer it when he's gone. I get the house to myself - I don't have to deal with sports on TV, his laundry left in the dryer, or cooking to accommodate his very boring palate. In fact, we usually order takeout from our favorite restaurants. Our house is nicer than a hotel, so I'm not jealous of his trips.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you be angry with your spouse if they have to travel for work?

My husband and I both travel for work although not with much regularity anymore. We handle the communication by letting each other know as soon as we'll be away and then making plans for the time (i.e. getting extra help as needed).

I'm guessing OP has a spouse like my friend who travels frequently enough that my friend has had to shift her career around to accommodate it. And she picks up all the slack when he's gone and instead of getting a break when he's back, she's met with how "exhausted" he is from the travel and needs a day to recover.

Yes, I had a friend who divorced over this issue. It was part of an overall feeling that her spouse was basically useless to her as a spouse and coparent. I think work travel is okay when it's not excessive, there is sufficient notice, and the traveling spouse covers their share of parenting when they are around. If it is excessive and unavoidable (for example, a pilot), it should be discussed before marriage so your spouse can make an informed decision about whether it's the kind of marriage they want.

It’s a viscous cycle. One spouse becomes the primary/larger earner and as their career accelerates they work more hours and travel more. This forces the other spouse to take an easier job/got PT/quit. Then the big earning spouse feels their job is even more important and therefore even more house/family work should fall to other spouse. At this point you couldn’t work two balanced jobs even if you wanted to.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. No one gets upset.
Why are you upset OP?

+1

Anonymous wrote:Do you get angry at your spouse when they need to travel for work? How do handle communication / logistics around work travel.

What?

No, it is their job.

My husband traveled for the first 15 years we were married, Monday morning til basically late Friday night.

I worked as well. Married 40 years and we have a great sex life. We did not have cell phones then so i have no idea what you are complaining about.

Logistics are you are home with the kids you figure it out. Why did you have kids if you need a man to help you figure that out?

I hired people to make my life easier. Whether it was cleaners or lawns or a mother's helper when I was pregnant and tired.

Women or men who complain that their partner traveled for work why did you marry them if you can not survive on your own?

Grow up OP. I hate marriages where it is tit for tat. Life is not even.

Sometime we actually enjoy the apart time, the only time I get upset is when they come back and act like they deserve a rest after “all their travel“ when I’ve been running an entire household by myself for a week. When I go on my own trips I try to be courteous when I come back to take things off my spouse’s plate since they’ve been handling everything while I was gone.

I’m the wife and I go on about 16 trips a year. My husband owns his own business and travels maybe 3-4 times a year. I’m by far the primary earner. We have a 16 year old with profound special needs that requires full care (feeding, bathing, etc). We generally have help with her 7 days a week but still do early morning and bedtimes like you would with a one year old. Neither of us complain. I can usually tell him in January what my travel schedule is for the year with about 80% accuracy.

Our 13 year old complains bitterly about my travel. I’m her primary help for things like homework. She misses me a ton. She misses him too but it doesn’t throw her off as much.

I thought I wasnt traveling November or December, but just found out I have to do a 2 night trip in December. All three of us are pretty bummed about it.

Like every once in awhile or like I did for 8 years gone Sunday night through Friday evening? The first is no big deal and the latter unsustainable.

Nope. No one gets upset.
Why are you upset OP?

Anonymous wrote:How could you be angry with your spouse if they have to travel for work?

My husband and I both travel for work although not with much regularity anymore. We handle the communication by letting each other know as soon as we'll be away and then making plans for the time (i.e. getting extra help as needed).

I'm guessing OP has a spouse like my friend who travels frequently enough that my friend has had to shift her career around to accommodate it. And she picks up all the slack when he's gone and instead of getting a break when he's back, she's met with how "exhausted" he is from the travel and needs a day to recover.

How could you be angry with your spouse if they have to travel for work?

My husband and I both travel for work although not with much regularity anymore. We handle the communication by letting each other know as soon as we'll be away and then making plans for the time (i.e. getting extra help as needed).

Of course not. Spouse travels 3-4 times a year for a week, my work does not require me to travel at all.

How do we handle the logistics? As soon as he knows the dates they go in the shared calendar. If there are conflicts, we work together to get coverage for DS and the dog. Generally my schedule means that we may need help 1 or 2 days

Wut?
As much notice as they have.
Backup childcare plans if needed.

Do you get angry at your spouse when they need to travel for work? How do handle communication / logistics around work travel.