Anonymous wrote:she expected us to visit them "at least once".

She has given you an out. You can put off visiting that one time basically indefinitely without having to be explicit about not really wanting to go there. Who knows, within a few years they might have decided that this isn't their dream location after all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

11:20 here. In that case I’d smile and nod and say that we’d look at going when things settle down. I personally would be concerned for your safety now. No need to make a permanent decision. Just say not now, maybe later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

lol how did I know. So this is about you being antisemitic and your sister calling you on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are close and it’s important to her, I would do it (maybe just you, without husband). You might end up liking the place more than you like, or maybe your initial thoughts will be confirmed. Regardless, I just don’t think seeing “xyz bucket place” is more important than people that I love. If she didn’t care, it would be a different story. I don’t think it’s an obligation, just a really nice thing to do.

OP here. This is where I am conflicted. I completely agree it would be "a really nice thing to do" and as I love my sister I want to make her happy. But I do wonder if my going per her "demand" would make her happy but make me resentful later on as it was not my choice. And what if my husband and I may not be able to take a nice trip that year. I know that there is no way to know this but I worry that this is part of the equation.

Where is this place that it is so unredeeming that you are twisting yourself into knots about visiting? I have a sibling in a country I don’t particularly love very far away, but I visited (when I didn’t have much money) and had a memorable trip. About the only reason I could see boycotting is if I truly could not afford it at all (not your case), if I physically could not handle a long flight, or if the country was in the middle of a war.

I would go once.

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Anonymous wrote:If you are close and it’s important to her, I would do it (maybe just you, without husband). You might end up liking the place more than you like, or maybe your initial thoughts will be confirmed. Regardless, I just don’t think seeing “xyz bucket place” is more important than people that I love. If she didn’t care, it would be a different story. I don’t think it’s an obligation, just a really nice thing to do.

OP here. This is where I am conflicted. I completely agree it would be "a really nice thing to do" and as I love my sister I want to make her happy. But I do wonder if my going per her "demand" would make her happy but make me resentful later on as it was not my choice. And what if my husband and I may not be able to take a nice trip that year. I know that there is no way to know this but I worry that this is part of the equation.

I personally would probably find a way to visit her at least once if it means that much to her. If they fly alot, perhaps they could use miles to get you guys a ticket? Are they retired and you are not? Do you still have kids at home?

No obligation.

Though if, say, my parents or my children moved very far away and we had the means, I think it would not be entirely crazy for them to hope we'd be willing to visit at least once.

I think it's fair for you to share your opinion with your sister. It's possible she was reacting more to it sounding like you wouldn't even consider going for her, but it makes sense to let her know it's a remote chance in case that informs her decision on where to move.

OP here. Thank you for the replies. Would the PP responses change if I add that my not visiting would absolutely damage my relationship with my sister? She would never understand and would take it personally.

If you are close and it’s important to her, I would do it (maybe just you, without husband). You might end up liking the place more than you like, or maybe your initial thoughts will be confirmed. Regardless, I just don’t think seeing “xyz bucket place” is more important than people that I love. If she didn’t care, it would be a different story. I don’t think it’s an obligation, just a really nice thing to do.

Zero obligation to travel to any foreign country, ever.

Of course there’s no obligation to visit someone when they move away.

I would like to see if my perspective is out of line or unfair. I am curious what others think.

My husband and I are at an age where many of our friends and some family are considering moving now that their children are launched. Some of these moves involve keeping their primary home as is and purchasing a second home somewhere. My sister and BIL have long had a dream of purchasing an apartment or place that is easily a 12 hour flight away. For now, they said that they will keep their primary residence in the US but spend the majority of the year in this other country.

Without getting into politics, this country is controversial in its location and politics and even a bit dangerous to visit although safety is not at all a concern to me. What is a concern is that this country is not one that my husband and I would ever choose to visit. We currently do not travel often due to time and budget and do not have an unlimited budget for travel so in the future I see my husband and I, in our retirement, being able to take one big trip a year. This location where my sister will be would never make any of our lists, never mind our bucket-lists.

My sister and I are close. As she shared her plans, I was honest in sharing our position of most likely not visiting them in this country. My sister was shocked and offended by this and said that she expected us to visit them "at least once".

My more general question: when a close friend or loved one moves away, what if any obligation is there to go visit them? I will of course see my sister and BIL when they return to the US but she has made it clear that she expects us to travel to see them in their new home.