You can get divorced for any reason you want. You don’t have to prove adultery in a mediation or litigation. It won’t be relevant. Tell him you want a divorce and that mediation will be the cheapest path.

Anonymous wrote:If the salary gap is high..more than double for one party is the split still 50/50?

Yes, but the lower earning spouse might get alimony. Probably needs to be more than double though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should mediate unless you want to give hundreds of thousands of dollars to lawyers.

In the venture he continues denying the affair, how does the mediation work?

Courts don’t care about affairs. In fact mi one really does. So even his reputation won’t likely take a hit. You’re hurting by it but affairs are just normal business in divorce.

As for mediation or litigation, depends on whether you have tens of thousands of dollars to burn. If so and you feel like dragging things out for years, litigation is your path. But if you want things wrapped up so you can move on and you want to preserve assets, then mediation is your path.

Litigation is the scorched earth way to go and once you start it’s hard to put the genie back in the bottle.

Anonymous wrote:I have consulted a couple lawyers after becoming aware of my husbands infidelity which had had denied earlier. I haven’t confronted him again even though this time I know for sure while previously I had suspicion. One of the lawyers wants me to go the mediation route but for that I will need to talk to him first and the other one wants to litigate since it will likely put me in a storage position. Our finances are not very complicated overall. If you she been on know someone in similar situation what has your experience been? FWIW, he has a big reputation to lose

Who is the higher earner in your house? If you earn more money, then you should totally proceed with litigation, prove his adultery and preclude him from any spousal support. If he is a higher earner, then it is not worth spending money on court, try to mediate it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should mediate unless you want to give hundreds of thousands of dollars to lawyers.

In the venture he continues denying the affair, how does the mediation work?

You file for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. Courts really don't GAF about infidelity and it won't give you financial leverage. Just serve him with papers and chose an attorney who is skilled in mediation - I tried to push for collaborative mediation which requires specifically trained lawyers and you agree up front not to litigate.

If there is no history of abuse, I would always recommend trying mediation first.

If the salary gap is high..more than double for one party is the split still 50/50?

Proving adultery won’t get you anything - not a better settlement and not the emotional closure you want either.

Meditate so you can move on sooner and cheaper.

“Do you have proof? The burden of proof for adultery is really high.”

What is proof going to do for you? Courts don’t care. Just split the estate and custody 50/50 and move on.

I am going through involuntary litigation and it is catastrophically expensive. Unless you have tens of millions of dollars at stake there is zero sane reason to litigate. Reader: there are not even single digit millions at stake in my case. It's shockingly awful and wasteful but the lawyers are happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should mediate unless you want to give hundreds of thousands of dollars to lawyers.

In the venture he continues denying the affair, how does the mediation work?

You both sit down with a mediator, who is probably a lawyer, and decide how you will split things up. Have a list beforehand to save money. Know if you or he will ask for alimony or child support. It’s very unlikely that you will get more than 50% and court doesn’t care about adultery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should mediate unless you want to give hundreds of thousands of dollars to lawyers.

In the venture he continues denying the affair, how does the mediation work?

Do you have proof? The burden of proof for adultery is really high. What do you really want out of this? I was angry and humiliated and hurt, but nothing was going to fix that. Are you likely to get alimony? Do you want the house? Figure out what you want and need and stay focused. Every penny you pay a lawyer will likely be matched by him and then it’s money neither of you has. Settle out of court unless he absolutely will not play ball. It will save you money, time, and additional emotional energy spent on this a-hole.

It sucks. I’m sorry. Been there.

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should mediate unless you want to give hundreds of thousands of dollars to lawyers.

In the venture he continues denying the affair, how does the mediation work?

Of course you should mediate unless you want to give hundreds of thousands of dollars to lawyers.

I have consulted a couple lawyers after becoming aware of my husbands infidelity which had had denied earlier. I haven’t confronted him again even though this time I know for sure while previously I had suspicion. One of the lawyers wants me to go the mediation route but for that I will need to talk to him first and the other one wants to litigate since it will likely put me in a storage position. Our finances are not very complicated overall. If you she been on know someone in similar situation what has your experience been? FWIW, he has a big reputation to lose