Anonymous
11/04/2025 19:04
Subject: Re:How much to share about SN child
Highly dependent on dx and milieu. I have only ever done need to know basis and not even school knows everything--remember that a lof of medical info is wasted on educators and they will google. My kid's issues are too complicated to have that. Once it's out there, you can't take it back. I would go slowly.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 18:07
Subject: How much to share about SN child
Anonymous wrote:Also consider that with whom and how much you might share when he is 6 might be very different at 16.
I'd add to this: whatever you share at 6 will be out there at 16.
OP some people share a diagnosis to excuse their kid's behavior. Don't be that parent. You might share a diagnosis to explain behavior, though. But ask yourself, why am I explaining, can I trust the person I'm explaining to, and what tangible good will come of this?
Some school's special ed teams are collaborative but others, like ours, are adversarial. Sometimes, sharing the fact that your kid has SN allows you to connect and strategize with other parents on how to navigate the system.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 16:52
Subject: How much to share about SN child
You can always expand your circle of trust but you can’t pull it back if you share too widely. So much depends on your DS, his diagnosis and its manifestations, his age, who your family and friends are. I also learned the hard way that people who you share with might share beyond your circle. Also consider that with whom and how much you might share when he is 6 might be very different at 16.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 13:04
Subject: How much to share about SN child
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I am a little surprised, as I feel that several moms have shared with me details about their child without having known me for long. Perhaps they recognized something in my child that seemed similar so they felt they could share.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 12:20
Subject: How much to share about SN child
Anonymous wrote:In elementary school, DC disclosed autism diagnosis to a few other kids in class and most of them acted no differently, but miraculously one bully actually apologized for their behavior toward my child.
My lean was to keep the diagnosis to our family and close friends only, because I was worried about stigma and misunderstanding and mocking. This was especially the case in middle school, where some students used "autistic" as a slur, similar to the "r" word. Once in DC's middle school years, a cafeteria full of kids openly cheered when a kid who was more public about being autistic announced they were moving away and leaving the school. That was chilling.
I do disclose to instructors and administrators of DC's extracurricular activities like camp or lessons, etc.
Now DC is a teen and feels proud to be neurodivergent, but is still leery of disclosing dx to acquaintances or classmates who aren't really friends, because of the risk of mean reactions. Kids can be so mean. Others may be more open than we are.
I should add that DC has a neurodivergent friend group, and they're open with each other about their differences, and everyone is accepting in that group. It took a while to develop that, and there were years when I worked hard to arrange for playdates and connections to keep neurodivergent friendships going. Similar to PP, I disclosed dx to other parents when friendships were developing.
I think my kid was in that same cheering cafeteria. It sounded really terrible to me, but if it’s the same kid I’m thinking about, my child was unaware of any diagnosis and just more aware that the kid had been bounced around a ton for all kinds of disciplinary reasons.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 11:27
Subject: How much to share about SN child
I only disclosed full diagnose with school, grandparents and nanny.
With family and friends I give them the heads up only if thy are spending more than three hours around my child. Specially if long periods of unstructured activities are expected.
My DC is unaware of his ASD diagnosis. He is doing well socially and academically. So at the moment I don’t feel the need to share more than what is minimally necessary.
With family and friends I give them the heads up only if thy are spending more than three hours around my child. Specially if long periods of unstructured activities are expected.
My DC is unaware of his ASD diagnosis. He is doing well socially and academically. So at the moment I don’t feel the need to share more than what is minimally necessary.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 09:32
Subject: How much to share about SN child
It’s tricky. Some people are so open about it. My 11 y/o was diagnosed with ADHD and also has anxiety. She wants nobody to know about the ADHD. We aren’t totally letting her make this decision and have said we may need to disclose in the future but we are holding back for now. We do mention the anxiety sometimes to people but I feel like that’s more accepted and normal these days. And also it’s the one that’s much more outwardly obvious, so we feel like we need to share it.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 09:30
Subject: How much to share about SN child
In elementary school, DC disclosed autism diagnosis to a few other kids in class and most of them acted no differently, but miraculously one bully actually apologized for their behavior toward my child.
My lean was to keep the diagnosis to our family and close friends only, because I was worried about stigma and misunderstanding and mocking. This was especially the case in middle school, where some students used "autistic" as a slur, similar to the "r" word. Once in DC's middle school years, a cafeteria full of kids openly cheered when a kid who was more public about being autistic announced they were moving away and leaving the school. That was chilling.
I do disclose to instructors and administrators of DC's extracurricular activities like camp or lessons, etc.
Now DC is a teen and feels proud to be neurodivergent, but is still leery of disclosing dx to acquaintances or classmates who aren't really friends, because of the risk of mean reactions. Kids can be so mean. Others may be more open than we are.
I should add that DC has a neurodivergent friend group, and they're open with each other about their differences, and everyone is accepting in that group. It took a while to develop that, and there were years when I worked hard to arrange for playdates and connections to keep neurodivergent friendships going. Similar to PP, I disclosed dx to other parents when friendships were developing.
My lean was to keep the diagnosis to our family and close friends only, because I was worried about stigma and misunderstanding and mocking. This was especially the case in middle school, where some students used "autistic" as a slur, similar to the "r" word. Once in DC's middle school years, a cafeteria full of kids openly cheered when a kid who was more public about being autistic announced they were moving away and leaving the school. That was chilling.
I do disclose to instructors and administrators of DC's extracurricular activities like camp or lessons, etc.
Now DC is a teen and feels proud to be neurodivergent, but is still leery of disclosing dx to acquaintances or classmates who aren't really friends, because of the risk of mean reactions. Kids can be so mean. Others may be more open than we are.
I should add that DC has a neurodivergent friend group, and they're open with each other about their differences, and everyone is accepting in that group. It took a while to develop that, and there were years when I worked hard to arrange for playdates and connections to keep neurodivergent friendships going. Similar to PP, I disclosed dx to other parents when friendships were developing.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 08:31
Subject: How much to share about SN child
We have found it helpful to share to connect with other parents whose kids have similar diagnoses. One of those kids has become best friends with mine. I think it is so valuable for my kid to have this kind of friendship.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 08:12
Subject: How much to share about SN child
Agreed on need to know. I would add that we think most people don’t need to know.
As our son gets older we talk to him about being more open with his diagnosis and he’s starting to experiment with that in very safe spaces where he might not be likely to see the group of people again.
Agreed that some diagnosis are more stigmatized than others, and for some things I’m just not interested in others perspectives.
As our son gets older we talk to him about being more open with his diagnosis and he’s starting to experiment with that in very safe spaces where he might not be likely to see the group of people again.
Agreed that some diagnosis are more stigmatized than others, and for some things I’m just not interested in others perspectives.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 07:54
Subject: Re:How much to share about SN child
Our rule of thumb was only when it was necessary. So the school was a no brainer. We didn’t use family to babysit so they didn’t need to know more than they could see. Other situations were more tricky. Like mine had behaviors that posed safety issues so in certain situations that required sharing. But overall it has always been a need to know.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 07:28
Subject: How much to share about SN child
Be careful with sharing (except of course when needed). Despite all the talking about inclusion there is still stigma around certain diagnosis especially if related with mental health or being in the spectrum
Anonymous
11/04/2025 07:21
Subject: How much to share about SN child
It’s no one’s business
However, share w whoever you want to.
However, share w whoever you want to.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 07:21
Subject: How much to share about SN child
What is the diagnosis?
If they need to change their expectations around him then I think you share for everyone’s wellbeing.
Several years ago I babysat for a then 5 yo who the mom said was “ a young 5”
Well after 2 evenings with him I knew there was more to it so I asked her and she said she doesnt like labels but he had adhd and anxiety.
Knowing that changed everything.
If they need to change their expectations around him then I think you share for everyone’s wellbeing.
Several years ago I babysat for a then 5 yo who the mom said was “ a young 5”
Well after 2 evenings with him I knew there was more to it so I asked her and she said she doesnt like labels but he had adhd and anxiety.
Knowing that changed everything.
Anonymous
11/04/2025 07:12
Subject: How much to share about SN child
My DC is recently diagnosed, and while I have shared with the school and family, I have not really shared this information with their friends’ or classmate’s parents. Do you disclose? Part of me thinks that this is private for my DC and part of me thinks that sharing will help gain more understanding of his behavior. How do you navigate?