Anonymous wrote:As a teacher writing loads of recs each year, I think OP’s kid handled things beautifully. I always send an email to students when I submit a rec; probably around 50% acknowledge that email within the next few days. If they don’t, then I actually mention it to the kids the next time I see them, saying- “Hey! I wasn’t sure you saw I submitted your rec letter ‘cause I didn’t get an email back!” Then I make them promise to send me a thank you email, as well as stop by to tell me where they decide to go to college since I am going to be so excited for them.

We really do want to see your kiddos succeed- we spend so much time with them in our classrooms and have a birds-eye view of the adults they are becoming. It’s one of the best parts of being an educator.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been following the thread about teacher recs with horror at the entitlement and contempt. Maybe because I grew up poor and never expected or assumed that someone would just do things for us or my family? I certainly don’t want my kids to have that attitude especially as the upper middle class kids they are.

We are going through the college process again next year as my DD is a junior. For anyone going through this next year, please don’t be entitled and so contemptuous. What worked for us this year with my DS that we will be doing again witH my DD was this:
First, we are asking teachers for a favor and it’s incumbent upon us (both the students and us as parents to be role models) to be proactive. My DS reached out in the spring as advised by the guidance counselor. FWIW, my kid isn’t a rock star student with 13 AP’s and is just “regular smart” by DCUM standards but he is a hard worker, participatory and respectful.
2. I went through with him which junior year teachers he wanted to ask. He picked the teachers who really seemed to like him, the ones where he was the most proactive in class about asking questions if he needed help, and the ones who seemed to be not as stressed out and more engaged with the students. There was one class where he really did well on a year long project and another one where he brought up his grade exponentially from the beginning of school, and went to office hours until it just clicked. The third teacher, he just really liked the subject and was very engaged naturally and did all the extra credit that was offered.
3. Over the summer, he sent a follow up thanking them again for their willingness to do this and sending them the “brag sheet” and asking if they need anything else. One teacher responded with her own questions to answer which he did.
4. Once school started, DS let them know that he will be filling out that part of the common app soon and that they will be getting an email. There was one teacher who had told my other kid that if she ever wanted anything from him, she should not send him an email but ask personally. So, with that in mind, I told my son to go to the teachers personally to let them know they will be getting the email and just ask how their summer went and thanking them for their time. He then sent a follow up email to them and updated the teachers with anything that needed to be updated (AP scores) and the unofficial transcript. One teacher sent him a google doc to fill out in response which he did immediately.

It was only three communications but he was the one who was proactive. All the teachers personally emailed my son when they submitted which they did not have to do and all three were actually before mu son submitted the applications. They were very kind and I think appreciated that we made it as easy for them as we could. I think the way he went about this set it up so if they were getting close to the deadline, they would be more receptive to a nudge.

My kids go to public school so private school may be different but this worked for him. I do think we need to teach our children that teachers don’t have to do this, don’t get paid for this and are taking time out of their lives to do them a favor. And to treat them accordingly.

Also, as a follow up question to those who have gone through this, at some point, I want my DS to write a thank you letter (while they are still here under my roof, my kids have to write thank you notes). Should it be now or when he chooses his college so he can write an update?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been following the thread about teacher recs with horror at the entitlement and contempt. Maybe because I grew up poor and never expected or assumed that someone would just do things for us or my family? I certainly don’t want my kids to have that attitude especially as the upper middle class kids they are.

We are going through the college process again next year as my DD is a junior. For anyone going through this next year, please don’t be entitled and so contemptuous. What worked for us this year with my DS that we will be doing again witH my DD was this:
First, we are asking teachers for a favor and it’s incumbent upon us (both the students and us as parents to be role models) to be proactive. My DS reached out in the spring as advised by the guidance counselor. FWIW, my kid isn’t a rock star student with 13 AP’s and is just “regular smart” by DCUM standards but he is a hard worker, participatory and respectful.
2. I went through with him which junior year teachers he wanted to ask. He picked the teachers who really seemed to like him, the ones where he was the most proactive in class about asking questions if he needed help, and the ones who seemed to be not as stressed out and more engaged with the students. There was one class where he really did well on a year long project and another one where he brought up his grade exponentially from the beginning of school, and went to office hours until it just clicked. The third teacher, he just really liked the subject and was very engaged naturally and did all the extra credit that was offered.
3. Over the summer, he sent a follow up thanking them again for their willingness to do this and sending them the “brag sheet” and asking if they need anything else. One teacher responded with her own questions to answer which he did.
4. Once school started, DS let them know that he will be filling out that part of the common app soon and that they will be getting an email. There was one teacher who had told my other kid that if she ever wanted anything from him, she should not send him an email but ask personally. So, with that in mind, I told my son to go to the teachers personally to let them know they will be getting the email and just ask how their summer went and thanking them for their time. He then sent a follow up email to them and updated the teachers with anything that needed to be updated (AP scores) and the unofficial transcript. One teacher sent him a google doc to fill out in response which he did immediately.

It was only three communications but he was the one who was proactive. All the teachers personally emailed my son when they submitted which they did not have to do and all three were actually before mu son submitted the applications. They were very kind and I think appreciated that we made it as easy for them as we could. I think the way he went about this set it up so if they were getting close to the deadline, they would be more receptive to a nudge.

My kids go to public school so private school may be different but this worked for him. I do think we need to teach our children that teachers don’t have to do this, don’t get paid for this and are taking time out of their lives to do them a favor. And to treat them accordingly.

Also, as a follow up question to those who have gone through this, at some point, I want my DS to write a thank you letter (while they are still here under my roof, my kids have to write thank you notes). Should it be now or when he chooses his college so he can write an update?

honey, get off your high horse. my kid did ALL of these things and the teacher was still MIA and late with the rec. don't assume the kids did something wrong here.

OP sure thinks she’s special.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been following the thread about teacher recs with horror at the entitlement and contempt. Maybe because I grew up poor and never expected or assumed that someone would just do things for us or my family? I certainly don’t want my kids to have that attitude especially as the upper middle class kids they are.

We are going through the college process again next year as my DD is a junior. For anyone going through this next year, please don’t be entitled and so contemptuous. What worked for us this year with my DS that we will be doing again witH my DD was this:
First, we are asking teachers for a favor and it’s incumbent upon us (both the students and us as parents to be role models) to be proactive. My DS reached out in the spring as advised by the guidance counselor. FWIW, my kid isn’t a rock star student with 13 AP’s and is just “regular smart” by DCUM standards but he is a hard worker, participatory and respectful.
2. I went through with him which junior year teachers he wanted to ask. He picked the teachers who really seemed to like him, the ones where he was the most proactive in class about asking questions if he needed help, and the ones who seemed to be not as stressed out and more engaged with the students. There was one class where he really did well on a year long project and another one where he brought up his grade exponentially from the beginning of school, and went to office hours until it just clicked. The third teacher, he just really liked the subject and was very engaged naturally and did all the extra credit that was offered.
3. Over the summer, he sent a follow up thanking them again for their willingness to do this and sending them the “brag sheet” and asking if they need anything else. One teacher responded with her own questions to answer which he did.
4. Once school started, DS let them know that he will be filling out that part of the common app soon and that they will be getting an email. There was one teacher who had told my other kid that if she ever wanted anything from him, she should not send him an email but ask personally. So, with that in mind, I told my son to go to the teachers personally to let them know they will be getting the email and just ask how their summer went and thanking them for their time. He then sent a follow up email to them and updated the teachers with anything that needed to be updated (AP scores) and the unofficial transcript. One teacher sent him a google doc to fill out in response which he did immediately.

It was only three communications but he was the one who was proactive. All the teachers personally emailed my son when they submitted which they did not have to do and all three were actually before mu son submitted the applications. They were very kind and I think appreciated that we made it as easy for them as we could. I think the way he went about this set it up so if they were getting close to the deadline, they would be more receptive to a nudge.

My kids go to public school so private school may be different but this worked for him. I do think we need to teach our children that teachers don’t have to do this, don’t get paid for this and are taking time out of their lives to do them a favor. And to treat them accordingly.

Also, as a follow up question to those who have gone through this, at some point, I want my DS to write a thank you letter (while they are still here under my roof, my kids have to write thank you notes). Should it be now or when he chooses his college so he can write an update?

honey, get off your high horse. my kid did ALL of these things and the teacher was still MIA and late with the rec. don't assume the kids did something wrong here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really all that and not sure why a new thread, but there was entitlement on both sides in that thread: parents and teachers

I gotta ask: what is it that showed entitlement on the part of the teachers?

I was active on that thread and can’t think of a THING that shows teachers acting entitled. Not ONE thing.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been following the thread about teacher recs with horror at the entitlement and contempt. Maybe because I grew up poor and never expected or assumed that someone would just do things for us or my family? I certainly don’t want my kids to have that attitude especially as the upper middle class kids they are.

We are going through the college process again next year as my DD is a junior. For anyone going through this next year, please don’t be entitled and so contemptuous. What worked for us this year with my DS that we will be doing again witH my DD was this:
First, we are asking teachers for a favor and it’s incumbent upon us (both the students and us as parents to be role models) to be proactive. My DS reached out in the spring as advised by the guidance counselor. FWIW, my kid isn’t a rock star student with 13 AP’s and is just “regular smart” by DCUM standards but he is a hard worker, participatory and respectful.
2. I went through with him which junior year teachers he wanted to ask. He picked the teachers who really seemed to like him, the ones where he was the most proactive in class about asking questions if he needed help, and the ones who seemed to be not as stressed out and more engaged with the students. There was one class where he really did well on a year long project and another one where he brought up his grade exponentially from the beginning of school, and went to office hours until it just clicked. The third teacher, he just really liked the subject and was very engaged naturally and did all the extra credit that was offered.
3. Over the summer, he sent a follow up thanking them again for their willingness to do this and sending them the “brag sheet” and asking if they need anything else. One teacher responded with her own questions to answer which he did.
4. Once school started, DS let them know that he will be filling out that part of the common app soon and that they will be getting an email. There was one teacher who had told my other kid that if she ever wanted anything from him, she should not send him an email but ask personally. So, with that in mind, I told my son to go to the teachers personally to let them know they will be getting the email and just ask how their summer went and thanking them for their time. He then sent a follow up email to them and updated the teachers with anything that needed to be updated (AP scores) and the unofficial transcript. One teacher sent him a google doc to fill out in response which he did immediately.

It was only three communications but he was the one who was proactive. All the teachers personally emailed my son when they submitted which they did not have to do and all three were actually before mu son submitted the applications. They were very kind and I think appreciated that we made it as easy for them as we could. I think the way he went about this set it up so if they were getting close to the deadline, they would be more receptive to a nudge.

My kids go to public school so private school may be different but this worked for him. I do think we need to teach our children that teachers don’t have to do this, don’t get paid for this and are taking time out of their lives to do them a favor. And to treat them accordingly.

Also, as a follow up question to those who have gone through this, at some point, I want my DS to write a thank you letter (while they are still here under my roof, my kids have to write thank you notes). Should it be now or when he chooses his college so he can write an update?

Anonymous wrote:Not really all that and not sure why a new thread, but there was entitlement on both sides in that thread: parents and teachers