My DH and I had sex on our first date, though we had been friends for a while so it wasn’t like jumping into the sack with a stranger. With others it was not until at least the third date. I never saw multiple people at the same time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

my experience as well - i think now, i don't expect or even need/want sex in the first few dates but if no kissing and petting after date 1 or 2, the track record suggests a lack of interest from the woman (or she has someone else)...

..which is unfortunate because i don't want to feel like i have to go in for a kiss after date 1/2 but it seems like i kind of have to weed out people.

As a woman, I never kissed anyone on date 1. Ever. Going out with multiple guys kissing them all on date 1 or 2 seems like a sure way to get active herpes

do you make that obvious - so if i a guy goes in for a kiss after date 1 or two, you put your hand on his chest to stop and say something like "hey, i had a great time and it was a fun date but i don't kiss this early. i'd still like to see you again" ?

Yes and I tell them my approach to anything intimate and that Im germaphobic after Covid . My mom was in hospital and almost died, at the same time when I was getting a divorce during lockdown with exH under the sand roof. It was traumatizing and I do know I’m paranoid. It cost me several relationships after divorce, when I refused to have anything unprotected early on . I did have unprotected sex (O, V and A) with one man I dated over 6 months and he was initially using protection. Then he got tested and I saw the paperwork.
I’m largely unable to have sex and orgasm if I think he’s not “clean” eg not tested and sleeps with other women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

my experience as well - i think now, i don't expect or even need/want sex in the first few dates but if no kissing and petting after date 1 or 2, the track record suggests a lack of interest from the woman (or she has someone else)...

..which is unfortunate because i don't want to feel like i have to go in for a kiss after date 1/2 but it seems like i kind of have to weed out people.

As a woman, I never kissed anyone on date 1. Ever. Going out with multiple guys kissing them all on date 1 or 2 seems like a sure way to get active herpes

do you make that obvious - so if i a guy goes in for a kiss after date 1 or two, you put your hand on his chest to stop and say something like "hey, i had a great time and it was a fun date but i don't kiss this early. i'd still like to see you again" ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

my experience as well - i think now, i don't expect or even need/want sex in the first few dates but if no kissing and petting after date 1 or 2, the track record suggests a lack of interest from the woman (or she has someone else)...

..which is unfortunate because i don't want to feel like i have to go in for a kiss after date 1/2 but it seems like i kind of have to weed out people.

As a woman, I never kissed anyone on date 1. Ever. Going out with multiple guys kissing them all on date 1 or 2 seems like a sure way to get active herpes

Anonymous wrote:Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

my experience as well - i think now, i don't expect or even need/want sex in the first few dates but if no kissing and petting after date 1 or 2, the track record suggests a lack of interest from the woman (or she has someone else)...

..which is unfortunate because i don't want to feel like i have to go in for a kiss after date 1/2 but it seems like i kind of have to weed out people.

guy here - i've been willing to wait for a month+ but the best relationships i've ever had were when the woman either slept with me on date 1 or wanted to (and i turned it down and then we slept with each other on date 2)...

...the last two people i went on dates with that I wanted to see more of....one was hesitant to kiss after date 2 when i went in, the other was kinda hesitant to kiss after a four-hour date 1...

...I still wanted to see both of them and would've been willing to take it slow but they weren't interested.

So, while in theory i'd be down to wait, my lived experience seems to indicate that if a woman isn't wanting to be handsy/kiss on at the end of a long first date or atleast date 2, i'm cooked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Date 3. If you want to wait longer than that, you’re going to need to broach the subject on either date 3 or even better on date 2. Explain why and give a rough timetable so that the guy can decide whether he’s willing to wait that long. Be a good sport if he moves on (although obviously he should be respectful of you in return).

Sexual chemistry and matching libidos are important. I’m not going to waste 3-6 months on a relationship just to discover that we are mismatched.

Do you use protection, don’t ask for oral
and show your most recent std test ? I’m fine with sex on date 3 if I’m attracted but it will be limited and all wrapped. I can’t fully relax until after a month or so into having sex and won’t have any unprotected sex until we are exclusive . I had good starts of relationships when we had sex early on, but then I sensed men continued seeing others and I also started doing the same. Eventually it fuzzies as everyone spreads their attention too wide and thin layer remains to build a true connection

Yes, just speaking personally, sex means we’re exclusive and I absolutely use protection for the first few weeks or months. I don’t always verbalize that exclusivity but I would be perfectly happy if someone said on date 3 “if we have sex, it’d have to be exclusive”.

And I would be willing to go get a new test if it was important to a woman. Otherwise, I’d be happy to share my most recent results (although no one has ever asked me to see the paper).

The most important thing is communication: tell me your rules and explain why and I’ll be very happy.

That’s a good policy. Unfortunately very few men on OLD are truthful about exclusivity, and I had cases when they insisted on BJ or go down on me and didn’t have tests or vaccinations. I’m extremely germaphobic: when I feel that “thing” that penetrates me might be infectious or goes into many other women I panic. To the point of not not being able to breathe and I just want to run

Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Date 3. If you want to wait longer than that, you’re going to need to broach the subject on either date 3 or even better on date 2. Explain why and give a rough timetable so that the guy can decide whether he’s willing to wait that long. Be a good sport if he moves on (although obviously he should be respectful of you in return).

Sexual chemistry and matching libidos are important. I’m not going to waste 3-6 months on a relationship just to discover that we are mismatched.

Do you use protection, don’t ask for oral
and show your most recent std test ? I’m fine with sex on date 3 if I’m attracted but it will be limited and all wrapped. I can’t fully relax until after a month or so into having sex and won’t have any unprotected sex until we are exclusive . I had good starts of relationships when we had sex early on, but then I sensed men continued seeing others and I also started doing the same. Eventually it fuzzies as everyone spreads their attention too wide and thin layer remains to build a true connection

Yes, just speaking personally, sex means we’re exclusive and I absolutely use protection for the first few weeks or months. I don’t always verbalize that exclusivity but I would be perfectly happy if someone said on date 3 “if we have sex, it’d have to be exclusive”.

And I would be willing to go get a new test if it was important to a woman. Otherwise, I’d be happy to share my most recent results (although no one has ever asked me to see the paper).

The most important thing is communication: tell me your rules and explain why and I’ll be very happy.

Anonymous wrote:Date 3. If you want to wait longer than that, you’re going to need to broach the subject on either date 3 or even better on date 2. Explain why and give a rough timetable so that the guy can decide whether he’s willing to wait that long. Be a good sport if he moves on (although obviously he should be respectful of you in return).

Sexual chemistry and matching libidos are important. I’m not going to waste 3-6 months on a relationship just to discover that we are mismatched.

Do you use protection, don’t ask for oral
and show your most recent std test ? I’m fine with sex on date 3 if I’m attracted but it will be limited and all wrapped. I can’t fully relax until after a month or so into having sex and won’t have any unprotected sex until we are exclusive . I had good starts of relationships when we had sex early on, but then I sensed men continued seeing others and I also started doing the same. Eventually it fuzzies as everyone spreads their attention too wide and thin layer remains to build a true connection

Date 3. If you want to wait longer than that, you’re going to need to broach the subject on either date 3 or even better on date 2. Explain why and give a rough timetable so that the guy can decide whether he’s willing to wait that long. Be a good sport if he moves on (although obviously he should be respectful of you in return).

Sexual chemistry and matching libidos are important. I’m not going to waste 3-6 months on a relationship just to discover that we are mismatched.

In my existence if sex doesn’t happen on date 3-5 most men would look elsewhere

I think a lot of men are willing to wait until a few months of dating. Beyond that, they may leave.

Check please

What do you think? Think it varies.