This is how it’s done done done

Same poster as above: also obviously this lady is not being super mature. I would just let the “silent treatment” roll off your back. Sounds like you’ve got plenty of friends of the 110 families in your grade and maybe it’s just not a match with this one lady.

Anonymous wrote:Obviously you are not going to coordinate 110 families - only coordinate with the boys then. You can ask once, then make a group chat with any takers. That will winnow it down naturally to a manageable number and no one can rightfully get bent out of shape later. I know some people don’t like grade chats but I find them helpful for this kind of stuff, sharing intel on camps, doctors, blah blah. The bottom line IMO is that you can choose either to be more welcoming or deal with the blowback of being the leader of a clique. But I’m not feeling too sorry for your plight if all you want to do about is come here and complain.

With great power comes great responsibility OP.

Great power? I am talking about dropping into a gym class that’s advertised to everyone. I find the reaction entitled. She could also initiate too. If you’re going to complain about not getting invited to something, make an effort yourself to show up or say thank you for the invite to prior attempts.

Obviously you are not going to coordinate 110 families - only coordinate with the boys then. You can ask once, then make a group chat with any takers. That will winnow it down naturally to a manageable number and no one can rightfully get bent out of shape later. I know some people don’t like grade chats but I find them helpful for this kind of stuff, sharing intel on camps, doctors, blah blah. The bottom line IMO is that you can choose either to be more welcoming or deal with the blowback of being the leader of a clique. But I’m not feeling too sorry for your plight if all you want to do about is come here and complain.

With great power comes great responsibility OP.

Anonymous wrote:Is your class/grade large or small? If the latter you should do a group chat with all the students (or just all the boys) to coordinate social stuff like that (going to the park, etc). Then if you do one-off stuff with a smaller group, either keep it pretty small or include all the boys.

People are busy, they can’t possibly attend everything and you should model kindness for your kids. It really doesn’t have to be that hard; the kids will split off organically into groups in middle school when parents are no longer in charge of social lives. This lady is picking up a vibe that she’s not welcome and she’s probably right.

It’s 110 children overall. There’s a group chat but it’s hard to include that many kids. We have a lot of school functions too, usually about 1x every two week.

Is your class/grade large or small? If the latter you should do a group chat with all the students (or just all the boys) to coordinate social stuff like that (going to the park, etc). Then if you do one-off stuff with a smaller group, either keep it pretty small or include all the boys.

People are busy, they can’t possibly attend everything and you should model kindness for your kids. It really doesn’t have to be that hard; the kids will split off organically into groups in middle school when parents are no longer in charge of social lives. This lady is picking up a vibe that she’s not welcome and she’s probably right.

Anonymous wrote:Its extremely painful when you feel like your child is being excluded. She could probably deal with it better.
I'm an involved volunteer at school and a mom asked if my son was going to other involved volunteers kids Halloween party. Nope, he wasn't invited. Then yet another "friend" invited 10 boys to do a fun activity, not including mine. Saw that one on Facebook. But while volunteering the women are Uber welcoming to me.
Now the obvious answer here is not to take it personally, it's just that my kid isn't friends with their kids. But it hurts. I find myself being less friendly to these women because my son is lonely and wants friends and their sons totally ignore him. It's not fair I know but it's a mother's nature.

are the kids friends?
I don’t think it hurts to be honest if you’re having a hard time making friends or your kid is, say we would love to be more connected to the families or something along those lines. I’m big on including people if I know this but I likely wouldn’t go outside my kid’s friend group to include someone otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:Its extremely painful when you feel like your child is being excluded. She could probably deal with it better.
I'm an involved volunteer at school and a mom asked if my son was going to other involved volunteers kids Halloween party. Nope, he wasn't invited. Then yet another "friend" invited 10 boys to do a fun activity, not including mine. Saw that one on Facebook. But while volunteering the women are Uber welcoming to me.
Now the obvious answer here is not to take it personally, it's just that my kid isn't friends with their kids. But it hurts. I find myself being less friendly to these women because my son is lonely and wants friends and their sons totally ignore him. It's not fair I know but it's a mother's nature.

I think asking around is helpful, a few weeks before say “what’s everyone doing for halloween” .. text or ask a few people.

Its extremely painful when you feel like your child is being excluded. She could probably deal with it better.
I'm an involved volunteer at school and a mom asked if my son was going to other involved volunteers kids Halloween party. Nope, he wasn't invited. Then yet another "friend" invited 10 boys to do a fun activity, not including mine. Saw that one on Facebook. But while volunteering the women are Uber welcoming to me.
Now the obvious answer here is not to take it personally, it's just that my kid isn't friends with their kids. But it hurts. I find myself being less friendly to these women because my son is lonely and wants friends and their sons totally ignore him. It's not fair I know but it's a mother's nature.

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if someone you talk to only once every six months is giving you the silent treatment?

We see her at various sports and activities. When I say silent treatment, I mean I say hello and she doesn’t even respond.

A few times I’ve gone out of my way and started a separate group chat to include her and then said “Hi! I’m going to ice cream and the park the celebrate school getting back together!” Like it if you’re coming.. even when I knew everyone was coming because we discussed in our own text. We are all adult friends and have been since the kids are babies. We hang out without the kids a lot more than we get together with the kids. The mom makes no effort back and has never initiated anything so it feels odd she’s this upset. As I said, when I do include her she often blows it off. It’s like she wants the invite but doesn’t care about going.

Has she ever invited your kid to anything? Has she ever initiated plans?

You are not obligated to be anyone's social secretary.

How do you know if someone you talk to only once every six months is giving you the silent treatment?

She wants to be directly invited and included in the plan-making, not invited as an add-on. She is overly sensitive and now prickly. She is overreacting and it’s coming from a place of anxiety or hurt or whatever.

For the Friday thing, she is being absurd. The way to make people want to be your friend is not to be angry at them. And sometimes initiate.

I’m having a hard time trying to navigate this situation. I have a group of friends who I talk to pretty often, daily for the most part. We got together for an end of year party at someone’s house the last day. It was about 8 kids and their families. Another mom found out ahead of time and instead of just asking to be included got extremely upset, angrily confronting almost every mom going and demanding to know why her child wasn’t included. Host said sorry just ask next time of course he can go. So now moving forward, I always try to be aware and I’ll text her saying “oh we are going to meet at Jill’s house to Trick or Treat” or “we are going to the park and grabbing ice cream to celebrate school starting” I’ve done this maybe 5 times and she’s always super non committal, doesn’t even say thanks for invite or anything, just very aloof. She can’t seem less interested. You can go and join the kid’s gym class on Fridays. It’s an open thing advertised in the newsletter weekly. I messaged a few moms and said I was going and 4 of us went. I did not reach out to her but we don’t talk at all aside from me sending our invites to things, she might text me once every 6 months with a question and we don’t hang out at all, my kids have never done a playdate with hers. Her child told her and now she’s furious and giving everyone the silent treatment who went and told 2 people she’s angry. What would you make of the situation?