Anonymous wrote:When did you tell your in-laws you would not be spending Thanksgiving with them? Some people need more time to make alternate plans.

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not get along with DH family. They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold. But they are all about the holidays at the same time, because they want to seem like everyone else. I dread holidays with them. I do not come from a large family but I have a close circle of friends who've been like family to me, we enjoy each other, we vacationed several times together, and everyone loved it, especially all our kids. My own children call them all Aunts and Uncles much to ILs chagrin. My SILs and BILs are cold towards the kids, including their own.

This year one of my friends proposed renting a large house and all of us, 6 families, 20+ people, getting in, having fun. We told ILs we won't join them this year and all hell broke loose. The shaming, the angry message I can see DH leaning towards "keeping the peace." I told him he will go on his own then.

I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people.

I’m a little confused as to why you feel that you don’t get along with your in-laws. It doesn’t sound like they have animosity towards you. It sounds like they treat you like they treat everyone. Not everyone one is a warm, touchie-feelie type of person. Not everyone is a laugh out loud personality. I don’t see why you have such strong negative feelings about them. Plus, some people are really attached to traditional and resistant to change.

But that is neither here nor there. How have you and DH divided up holidays in the past? Do you do every other year with each other’s family? Does DH’s family generally get Thanksgiving and your family gets another holiday? Their reaction may be because that despite being outwardly aloof they really look forward to holidays and family time in addition to being really resistant to change.

Anonymous wrote:I do not get along with DH family. They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold. But they are all about the holidays at the same time, because they want to seem like everyone else. I dread holidays with them. I do not come from a large family but I have a close circle of friends who've been like family to me, we enjoy each other, we vacationed several times together, and everyone loved it, especially all our kids. My own children call them all Aunts and Uncles much to ILs chagrin. My SILs and BILs are cold towards the kids, including their own.

This year one of my friends proposed renting a large house and all of us, 6 families, 20+ people, getting in, having fun. We told ILs we won't join them this year and all hell broke loose. The shaming, the angry message I can see DH leaning towards "keeping the peace." I told him he will go on his own then.

I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe that 6 families have no other family they would spend the holiday with.

Let's see:

My best friend and I are only children, our parents are deceased
Two of our other friends have families abroad and they visit them in the summer
One friend is estranged from his MAGA family and has gone no contact with them
One friend is gay, not accepted by his family


So yes, we have each other.

Anonymous wrote:Do the 6 family thing and report back OP! I didn't get enough beach house drama.

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe that 6 families have no other family they would spend the holiday with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not get along with DH family. They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold. But they are all about the holidays at the same time, because they want to seem like everyone else. I dread holidays with them. I do not come from a large family but I have a close circle of friends who've been like family to me, we enjoy each other, we vacationed several times together, and everyone loved it, especially all our kids. My own children call them all Aunts and Uncles much to ILs chagrin. My SILs and BILs are cold towards the kids, including their own.

This year one of my friends proposed renting a large house and all of us, 6 families, 20+ people, getting in, having fun. We told ILs we won't join them this year and all hell broke loose. The shaming, the angry message I can see DH leaning towards "keeping the peace." I told him he will go on his own then.

I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people.

How do your ILs even know what your kids call your friends?

Anonymous wrote:I do not get along with DH family. They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold. But they are all about the holidays at the same time, because they want to seem like everyone else. I dread holidays with them. I do not come from a large family but I have a close circle of friends who've been like family to me, we enjoy each other, we vacationed several times together, and everyone loved it, especially all our kids. My own children call them all Aunts and Uncles much to ILs chagrin. My SILs and BILs are cold towards the kids, including their own.

This year one of my friends proposed renting a large house and all of us, 6 families, 20+ people, getting in, having fun. We told ILs we won't join them this year and all hell broke loose. The shaming, the angry message I can see DH leaning towards "keeping the peace." I told him he will go on his own then.

I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people.