Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and while I didn't get engaged after divorcing, I did hop back into dating very quickly (within a couple weeks of separating).

Even though we separated on that specific date, I had actually spent the last 3 years in therapy, processing our issues, trying to fix the relationship, realizing he wasn't going to change, grieving, healing, etc. So by the time I caught him cheating again, I wasn't emotional, wasn't upset, wasn't sad, didn't need to grieve, it was more feeling disappointed and then 100% ready to move on.

Np. Ditto! And what fun it was!! I remarried about 5 years later

Anonymous wrote:Middle age goes by really fast. Some may see it best to just move on with things since there’s little healthy time left.

Yes. We live longer lives than before, but a lot of them are spent in illness. Best to make the most of the time you've got. Of course, you need to make some self-assessment of what happened and how you can be a better partner, and avoid people who aren't right for you. But sometimes it doesn't much time to do that, especially if, as posters explained, the relationship actually died years before the separation.

Middle age goes by really fast. Some may see it best to just move on with things since there’s little healthy time left.

Mental illness. My ex wife went through at least 4 *serious* boyfriend within a year of our divorce. It's always the same scenario. She meets a guy, suddenly in love, he is the one, introduce them to the kids and 2 weeks later she is back to raging. Glad she is gone. But I am sad it has had a big impact on our son who hates her.

I don't wish mental illness on anyone. It's very hard to treat.

Needy

The ones I know who did this were marrying their APs. One purposely timed his wedding for the exact day of his divorce.

Alex: What is men?

Anonymous wrote:Different people have different ethics, you know? We knew a couple YEARS ago Brittany's husband was cheating on her, so clearly the relationship's been done for a long time. The actual divorce decree may be just paperwork at this point.

These are explanations that also serves as huge red flags. Not faithful, too lazy to get divorced when that is widely known. Why would you marry someone like this?

The whole "the relationship's been done for a long time" one is particularly weird to me. They why weren't they already divorced? I get that sometimes at the end of a marriage it can take a little bit of time to pull the trigger. But years? I'd want to know WHY it too them so long to actually get divorced and I'd want them to go to therapy to work on it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and while I didn't get engaged after divorcing, I did hop back into dating very quickly (within a couple weeks of separating).

Even though we separated on that specific date, I had actually spent the last 3 years in therapy, processing our issues, trying to fix the relationship, realizing he wasn't going to change, grieving, healing, etc. So by the time I caught him cheating again, I wasn't emotional, wasn't upset, wasn't sad, didn't need to grieve, it was more feeling disappointed and then 100% ready to move on.

OP here. Dating I totally get! I've had many friends in crap marriages and I totally understand that you'd be ready to get out there. Especially in your case where you'd done a lot of work on yourself. But if you'd met a great guy and he'd proposed a few months after your divorce, would you have said yes? Or if you were dating a divorced guy and everything was going great but the divorce was still *fresh*, would you be willing to get engaged just a few months after the paperwork is signed?

I personally would not. I am all for people moving on and don't think people have to like stay at home and think about what they did or something. But you just had this marriage fall apart, you're really going to jump right back on the ride?

Anonymous wrote:Affair

Affair or no, it's dumb for the other person to *marry* them that fast.

I would never participate in an affair, but IF I were in that situation, I'd want to make sure our relationship was stable and meaningful on its own when it's not illicit (I think some people get off on the secrecy of cheating).

But if it's not an affair I understand even less because you'll have been with this person even less time! Do people not understand how much marriage and divorce can impact or change people? Like just tap the breaks and take a breath.

I wonder if people are afraid if they take a bit more time, they'll lose momentum and the spell will break. Just an approach to marriage I don't get.

I'm a woman and while I didn't get engaged after divorcing, I did hop back into dating very quickly (within a couple weeks of separating).

Even though we separated on that specific date, I had actually spent the last 3 years in therapy, processing our issues, trying to fix the relationship, realizing he wasn't going to change, grieving, healing, etc. So by the time I caught him cheating again, I wasn't emotional, wasn't upset, wasn't sad, didn't need to grieve, it was more feeling disappointed and then 100% ready to move on.

Different people have different ethics, you know? We knew a couple YEARS ago Brittany's husband was cheating on her, so clearly the relationship's been done for a long time. The actual divorce decree may be just paperwork at this point.

Affair

OP again: I should also mention that when it's a guy, I worry that he is just incapable of being alone which is a major red flag to me because I am skeptical he will pull his weight as a husband and father. I want a man who is not going to freak out if I have to travel for two weeks for work and who doesn't 100% rely on me for everything.

Prompted by seeing that Brittany Snow's husband is engaged just 5 months after their divorce.

Have known a few people IRL like this as well, including a guy who was married for 10+ years (no kids though) who started dating his now wife during the separation period, and then they were engaged in less than a year after the divorce.

I just could never marry someone in that situation. I don't care how much they tell me that it was a "dead marriage" and they should have divorced long ago blah blah blah, it's way too fast. How do you commit your entire life to someone who already committed their entire life to someone else and only left that person 5 months ago? What the heck?