I agree with you OP. I’m young but have a chronic health condition, and I have to set limits too.

I hear you, OP. It's not something someone with a job and family has time for. It's not like we can just tell work that we need to miss 5 days every month for parent care.

I agree with others that hiring an aide could be good. Also, if your parent can afford it, moving to a CCRC or other independent living facility could provide access to support resources like a driver or an aide for doctor visits. I've called into doctor visits with my parents before. They just put me on speaker. You just need someone to do the actual driving.

My FIL literally schedules appointments for his entertainment. He also gets second and third opinions for minor things. His kids have found a PCP who specializes in the elderly and have said that they are no longer accompanying him to his various "appointments".

Hire help. Don't limit medical care.

Team OP here.
Have any of you been reading the scam doctors in the health and medicine threads? Doctors that want to see patients each month and charge thousands of dollars?

I don't want to go see a doc ever by I concede by doing the bare minimum. My silent generation parents didn't go to doctors unless absolutely necessary. It's our time sometime. Spend more time at home and not in stressful offices and hospitals.

I'm with OP. When doctors appointments become a primary activity and there is no "big problem" maybe it's time to cut back. Also maybe this is why it's so hard to get appointments with specialists these days?

I would do yearly for eyes.
Keep up with dental cleanings.
Yearly with PCP - who should be able to manage most medications.
Address problems as they arrise.

Don’t listen to them, OP. You are a wonderful daughter. I’m in the same situation with my mom. It’s been going on for years. And I’m the only person (and only daughter with 3 brothers who don’t help at all) that she trusts to go with her. It is a tremendous burden on me personally and on my family life. I’m married with four kids. It got to the point where I hadn’t seen a doctor or dentist in 5 years and neglected many other smaller things. I understand how much time all this takes. Seeing these specialists, scans and bloodwork never leads to any significant improvement in her various conditions. These doctors are padding their pockets with the elderly. My mom has also become a major hypochondriac because every doctor she sees finds nothing and recommends the next specialist or scan or procedure. Last year I finally had to tell her she needed to hire transportation and assistance to get in and out of all these medical checks. But she only trusts me so when I told her I couldn’t spend so much time going to her doctors’ appointments she stopped making so many instead of hiring transportation. Setting the boundary allowed me to get caught up on my own health and it stopped her endless searching for what is wrong other than old age and conditions she already knows she has. You are not a cold daughter. Set boundaries. Your husband and children and your own health are the top priority.

If they are in such good health why are they seeing so many specialists?

My mom is 77 - she sees her PCP once a year and another doc for her chronic condition every 6 months.

Good lord op. You are one cold daughter…

Who is scheduling the appointment tents - you or parent(s)? If it’s not you, it should be so that you can at least manage everyone’s needs instead of trying to fill in.

Is there a way for parents to do some independently and give you access to the patient portal?

I am not a doctor. Is your parent on medication? What specialists are they seeing? Can their PCP manage some of their issues/medications?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um no. This is not the place to set boundaries. Just because you can't see a problem doesn't mean there isn't one. And just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they won't mention it to their doctor.

Thats fair. A better question would have been how to determine priority or what is worth it when a parents' medical schedule is taking over? You, your spouse and children have their own needs and if you aren't healthy everything crumbles. With travel time and whatnot, 1 appointment is an all day affair. Cant keep juggling between my household and theirs burning what little time off we have because a gp recommends a number of specialists who want to see them several times a year and for the past 2 years they have found nothing. Will they find something one day? Maybe, but in the meantime how are you all managing?

We realize that our parents are going to die sooner rather than later and relish the time we get to spend with them while they're (mostly) healthy and lucid. We go get milkshakes, we sit on a bench outside and chat, we reminisce, we lean into enjoying each other though it's interrupted by a dr appointment.

Anonymous wrote:Um no. This is not the place to set boundaries. Just because you can't see a problem doesn't mean there isn't one. And just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they won't mention it to their doctor.

Thats fair. A better question would have been how to determine priority or what is worth it when a parents' medical schedule is taking over? You, your spouse and children have their own needs and if you aren't healthy everything crumbles. With travel time and whatnot, 1 appointment is an all day affair. Cant keep juggling between my household and theirs burning what little time off we have because a gp recommends a number of specialists who want to see them several times a year and for the past 2 years they have found nothing. Will they find something one day? Maybe, but in the meantime how are you all managing?

Um no. This is not the place to set boundaries. Just because you can't see a problem doesn't mean there isn't one. And just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they won't mention it to their doctor.

We're very lucky to have so many options in the dc area for medical care, but at the same time between general practitioners and specialists who of late all want a follow up in a month or every month or every 6 months when between bloodwork and tests there is nothing wrong and my parent is in remarkably good health accordig to them is draining. When PT was needed 1-2x a week it was even worse. Seems like going to medical appointments is like a part time job!
It isn't just about transportation. Because of their age someone must be present to listen and clarify.
We're at the point to say except for annual checkups or when an issue arises (having had other elder relatives we do listen carefully and observe how they move, speak, eat, hygiene or living changes etc) we can't go to doctors seemingly every week or other week to be told you're fine see you in a month. Even virtuals are a challenge because they need help logging on and someone has to listen and assist.
Has anyone had to put their foot down for lack of a better description on so many medical appointments beyond annual checkups especially when there are no ailments or conditions?