Anonymous wrote:What’s “worrisome” about this?

OP here. We know these couples for a long time and to us they looked average (some of them even happy), not in deep troubles so we were very surprised at first.
At least in my circle, after divorce some of them shared they are struggling financially while others have very obvious mental health issues (not sure if new issues or if issues were there before and spiraled after divorce)

Anonymous wrote:It's common except the stuggle part.

The gray divorces I know (at least the women) are all financially secure and more than happy being single.

I think they ones that would face financial and emotion struggle are just white knuckling it and staying.

I know a few long term SAHMs who chose gray divorce, once their husbands were at retirement. They stayed during the working years, and then become financially sound by taking (rightfully) half of the retirement and savings and having their own life/retirement with more choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^interesting guy*

I feel sorry for your dad. You obviously don't like him and never did.

LOL! Her dad FAFO’d.

What’s “worrisome” about this?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's considered gray divorce until you're over 60. Divorce with high school kids is just divorce.

Who made you the mayor?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^interesting guy*

I feel sorry for your dad. You obviously don't like him and never did.

He's an alcoholic, held a gun to his head for over an hour in front of me when I was 17 and said he was going to blow his brains all over me while I was shaking like a maniac trying to talk him out of it, and cheated on my mom many times. So yep, you're right on PP.

Anonymous wrote:^interesting guy*

I feel sorry for your dad. You obviously don't like him and never did.

^interesting guy*

My parents divorced when I was 22 and my twin siblings were 18. They were older parents so they were 55 and 59.

As expected, my dad floundered. Still is 13 years later. My mom should have left him way sooner. And my sweet kind-hearted mom has absolutely flourished. She did it all right- therapy, processed, rebuild herself in her career, friendships, independence, hobbies. Then 5 years later she met her high school crush at a funeral and they've been like love sick puppies for the last decade. He treats her fantastic and is a super interested guy - never married, never had kids. She deserves every second.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's considered gray divorce until you're over 60. Divorce with high school kids is just divorce.

The definition is over 50 with decades of marriage.

I think there are three primary "off-ramps" for marriage: starter marriage (about 1 year); school age kids (youngest kid about 6); and empty nest (youngest kid goes to college).

The starter marriage is just a couple of young people who made a mistake. Usually no assets or kids to speak of. About a year in, they get a divorce. It's not much different than breaking up as boyfriend/girlfriend.

The school age divorce is where having kids put a lot of pressure on some maybe unnoticed cracks in the relationship (or created new ones). In the thick of the infant/toddler years, there's not enough time or energy to notice or deal with the problems. But, when the kids go to school, there's a little more time to take stock of the wreckage and to get the divorce.

The empty nest divorce is one where the relationship has probably been on life-support for a while. But one or both of the spouses have been sticking it out for the kids. When the kids are out of the house, the relationship lacks the same level of purpose and so they end it. Sounds like you're dealing with this one in your circle.

I don't think it's considered gray divorce until you're over 60. Divorce with high school kids is just divorce.

I think men are struggling more than women after gray divorces

It's common except the stuggle part.

The gray divorces I know (at least the women) are all financially secure and more than happy being single.

I think they ones that would face financial and emotion struggle are just white knuckling it and staying.

Friends and acquaintances with kids in high school/college are now divorcing at a worrisome rate and struggling emotionally and financially right after that. Is grey divorce more common in the last few years or is just in my social circle?