Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My coworker is a nice person with a communication disorder. He’s relatively new to public education (was DOGEd) and is getting used to being a para. He takes his job seriously, but has had almost no training to prepare him. He also watches a lot of teacher influencers on social media, which I think leads to the problem:

He uses inaccurate and sometimes inflammatory language to describe what other staff do. He’s loud when he does this.

For example, our school requires teachers model any new skill before having students practice it. If I want to teach how to conjugate -ar verbs, I can’t just list the rules for doing so. I have to demonstrate doing it on the board and think aloud while doing so. He loudly asked me, why are you spoon-feeding them? I explained the school’s expectation to him, but a passing colleague heard his comment.

Another time, he said I was “engaging in a push out” after I asked a student to stop brushing her waist-length hair during instruction. He said she probably is secretly ND and stimming. He was more upset than she was until his defense of her which made the other kids stare at her. I told him his comment was inappropriate, but now I feel like I need to tell him (privately, of course) to adjust his language. We have 9 more months of school.

Knowing his disability, AITAH?

To be fair, you yourself seem to focus on irrelevant details and overly descriptive language, which makes you come across as a bit of a drama queen and in fact TAH.

Why does it matter what length student’s hair was? (is brushing waist length hair somehow more unacceptable than brushing short hair during instruction time?) Why is it relevant that the new coworker was originally doged?

It takes much longer to brush waist length hair than short hair. Short hair might be a few short passes with a brush. This was not the first time that I have seen this student brush her hair. She holds a hank with one hand and brushes it multiple times with the other before moving on to the next hank. Because both hands are engaged for ten minutes, she’s not writing down anything .

I wanted to provide context that he’s had a career outside of education, but he’s not a typical career changer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I deal with this a lot at work. I am a manager of a group of people who are very good at their core function but the type of person who is good at their core function also seems to have a high rate of overlap with a few specific other behavior traits.

This is what I suggest:
- figure out a name for the behavior and a rationale that is non inflammatory.
- Talk to his boss about wanting to have a conversation with him in private about it.
- Do not name his disorder in either of these conversations.
- Tell him privately, directly (this is key), firmly and kindly what he needs to stop doing.
- tell him to hold his comments and you will answer the questions after class.
- tell his boss you have had this conversation, in writing. Be direct but not litigious in the tone you use and make sure that it's framed in "as we discussed"

You are NTA but you need to protect yourself.

Yes, excellent response. I agree. If your colleague is sensitive to his deficits and argumentative, it's going to get hairy, OP, so you need to choose your words with care to avoid being accused of discrimination. On the other hand, neurodivergent people may have difficulty understanding diplomatic turns of phrase, and it's more effective to come straight to the point. You know him better than we do and will have to strike a fine balance. I have a husband and son on the autism spectrum, and they both take feedback by their work colleagues very dutifully without getting offended (now whether they can rise to follow guidance is another matter, but they try!). But then, they'd never have made such remarks in the first place...

Best of luck.

Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:My coworker is a nice person with a communication disorder. He’s relatively new to public education (was DOGEd) and is getting used to being a para. He takes his job seriously, but has had almost no training to prepare him. He also watches a lot of teacher influencers on social media, which I think leads to the problem:

He uses inaccurate and sometimes inflammatory language to describe what other staff do. He’s loud when he does this.

For example, our school requires teachers model any new skill before having students practice it. If I want to teach how to conjugate -ar verbs, I can’t just list the rules for doing so. I have to demonstrate doing it on the board and think aloud while doing so. He loudly asked me, why are you spoon-feeding them? I explained the school’s expectation to him, but a passing colleague heard his comment.

Another time, he said I was “engaging in a push out” after I asked a student to stop brushing her waist-length hair during instruction. He said she probably is secretly ND and stimming. He was more upset than she was until his defense of her which made the other kids stare at her. I told him his comment was inappropriate, but now I feel like I need to tell him (privately, of course) to adjust his language. We have 9 more months of school.

Knowing his disability, AITAH?

To be fair, you yourself seem to focus on irrelevant details and overly descriptive language, which makes you come across as a bit of a drama queen and in fact TAH.

Why does it matter what length student’s hair was? (is brushing waist length hair somehow more unacceptable than brushing short hair during instruction time?) Why is it relevant that the new coworker was originally doged?

Anonymous wrote:What is misleading about it? Just say that yes, you are spoon feeding them but that’s what is required these days because the standards are so much lower. And not to talk about it though because it upsets the students and parents who don’t want to admit how far the standards have dropped.

Modeling how to do a skill is not spoonfeeding. Do you think that surgeons just tell medical school students the steps of an appendectomy and then hand them the scalpel?

I also remember my prep school teachers modeling new skills in the 1980s. This isn’t something new because standards have fallen. It’s a return to pedagogy that worked for hundreds of years.

Anonymous wrote:OP are you saying that he called you out on your communication to the hair-brushing student during class? Was your communication 1:1 and quiet, and his call-out brought it to the attention of other students? Also, when did he say the student was "secretly ND"? That's the kind of language that flies on Insta and TikTok, but as you know it has no place in a professional school environment. It's a shame that he's filling his training void with influencers rather than.. real educator training.

It's unfortunate that he is judging you and others rather than asking questions to learn the craft. What is this coworker's communication disorder? Which AP is his supervisor, will he have observations or evaluations this year, and is he on a probationary period?

I walked over her desk and quietly asked her to put the brush away. I paused to wait for the brush to go back in her purse and her to pick up her pencil so that she wouldn’t miss what I said next. That’s when the para lectured me.

He has ASD. Not the only para I’ve had with autism so I wasn’t concerned. I think he needs to limit his YouTube and TikTok consumption. He’s also very shy with the male teachers he works with.

I don’t know if paras have observations or evaluations. No one has ever asked me about a para’s performance only attendance. I feel uncomfortable asking an admin about him without trying to fix the situation first.

What is misleading about it? Just say that yes, you are spoon feeding them but that’s what is required these days because the standards are so much lower. And not to talk about it though because it upsets the students and parents who don’t want to admit how far the standards have dropped.

Anonymous wrote:No I deal with this a lot at work. I am a manager of a group of people who are very good at their core function but the type of person who is good at their core function also seems to have a high rate of overlap with a few specific other behavior traits.

This is what I suggest:
- figure out a name for the behavior and a rationale that is non inflammatory.
- Talk to his boss about wanting to have a conversation with him in private about it.
- Do not name his disorder in either of these conversations.
- Tell him privately, directly (this is key), firmly and kindly what he needs to stop doing.
- tell him to hold his comments and you will answer the questions after class.
- tell his boss you have had this conversation, in writing. Be direct but not litigious in the tone you use and make sure that it's framed in "as we discussed"

You are NTA but you need to protect yourself.

Thank you. I will do this.

Anonymous wrote:No I deal with this a lot at work. I am a manager of a group of people who are very good at their core function but the type of person who is good at their core function also seems to have a high rate of overlap with a few specific other behavior traits.

This is what I suggest:
- figure out a name for the behavior and a rationale that is non inflammatory.
- Talk to his boss about wanting to have a conversation with him in private about it.
- Do not name his disorder in either of these conversations.
- Tell him privately, directly (this is key), firmly and kindly what he needs to stop doing.
- tell him to hold his comments and you will answer the questions after class.
- tell his boss you have had this conversation, in writing. Be direct but not litigious in the tone you use and make sure that it's framed in "as we discussed"

You are NTA but you need to protect yourself.

Yes, excellent response. I agree. If your colleague is sensitive to his deficits and argumentative, it's going to get hairy, OP, so you need to choose your words with care to avoid being accused of discrimination. On the other hand, neurodivergent people may have difficulty understanding diplomatic turns of phrase, and it's more effective to come straight to the point. You know him better than we do and will have to strike a fine balance. I have a husband and son on the autism spectrum, and they both take feedback by their work colleagues very dutifully without getting offended (now whether they can rise to follow guidance is another matter, but they try!). But then, they'd never have made such remarks in the first place...

Best of luck.

"Knowing his disability" ...what?

OP are you saying that he called you out on your communication to the hair-brushing student during class? Was your communication 1:1 and quiet, and his call-out brought it to the attention of other students? Also, when did he say the student was "secretly ND"? That's the kind of language that flies on Insta and TikTok, but as you know it has no place in a professional school environment. It's a shame that he's filling his training void with influencers rather than.. real educator training.

It's unfortunate that he is judging you and others rather than asking questions to learn the craft. What is this coworker's communication disorder? Which AP is his supervisor, will he have observations or evaluations this year, and is he on a probationary period?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "para" mean? You said he is "getting used to being a para."

He’s a para educator, which means he’s probably teamed with the child with special needs, and when the teacher is being rude to her for brushing her hair, he was trying to explain that it’s “stimming” which keeps her calm.

It’s not his responsibility to have other kids, not stare at her. That’s the job of the teacher..

He said the child is "secretly ND" (neurodivergent) so it is highly unlikely she has a 1:1. Sounds like this guy is just parroting things he is hearing online. Either way, it is WILDLY inappropriate to bring attention to a child's "stimming" (regardless if she was or not) in front of the whole class. It's also completely inappropriate for a para to undermine the classroom teacher in front of students.

Somebody needs to tell this guy to stay in his lane and that person should be his supervisor.

Anonymous wrote:What does "para" mean? You said he is "getting used to being a para."

He’s a para educator, which means he’s probably teamed with the child with special needs, and when the teacher is being rude to her for brushing her hair, he was trying to explain that it’s “stimming” which keeps her calm.

It’s not his responsibility to have other kids, not stare at her. That’s the job of the teacher..

What does "para" mean? You said he is "getting used to being a para."

No I deal with this a lot at work. I am a manager of a group of people who are very good at their core function but the type of person who is good at their core function also seems to have a high rate of overlap with a few specific other behavior traits.

This is what I suggest:
- figure out a name for the behavior and a rationale that is non inflammatory.
- Talk to his boss about wanting to have a conversation with him in private about it.
- Do not name his disorder in either of these conversations.
- Tell him privately, directly (this is key), firmly and kindly what he needs to stop doing.
- tell him to hold his comments and you will answer the questions after class.
- tell his boss you have had this conversation, in writing. Be direct but not litigious in the tone you use and make sure that it's framed in "as we discussed"

You are NTA but you need to protect yourself.

My coworker is a nice person with a communication disorder. He’s relatively new to public education (was DOGEd) and is getting used to being a para. He takes his job seriously, but has had almost no training to prepare him. He also watches a lot of teacher influencers on social media, which I think leads to the problem:

He uses inaccurate and sometimes inflammatory language to describe what other staff do. He’s loud when he does this.

For example, our school requires teachers model any new skill before having students practice it. If I want to teach how to conjugate -ar verbs, I can’t just list the rules for doing so. I have to demonstrate doing it on the board and think aloud while doing so. He loudly asked me, why are you spoon-feeding them? I explained the school’s expectation to him, but a passing colleague heard his comment.

Another time, he said I was “engaging in a push out” after I asked a student to stop brushing her waist-length hair during instruction. He said she probably is secretly ND and stimming. He was more upset than she was until his defense of her which made the other kids stare at her. I told him his comment was inappropriate, but now I feel like I need to tell him (privately, of course) to adjust his language. We have 9 more months of school.

Knowing his disability, AITAH?