My mom was born during WW II and she’s the exact same way. Her mother really pitched in ands helped with us as kids a lot. I think it’s a personality thing. My grandma was extroverted and helpful. She raised a daughter who’s introverted and selfish. Perhaps she coddled my mom too much and created a person who wants everyone to do for her instead of paying all the help forward.

Anonymous wrote:If grandparents are local, it would be nice if they’d help in an emergency. But the notion that it’s expected for grandparents to provide ANY childcare (non-emergency) is strange to me. My kids have involved grandparents who will help out if they can (but non-local). It’s great, but they offer. We don’t assume.

My grandparents loved us, but virtually never watched us and mainly seemed more interested in talking to my parents. And it was fine! I had a good relationship with them. But the term “grand parenting” was not a thing. The grandkids were not their focus. I see it all the time on DCUM that people expect grandparents to help them parent. Why? If the grandparents want to do it, they’ll offer. But it shouldn’t be an expectation.

That's interesting. I grew up in the midwest as a millennial and my grandparents *very* frequently watched me. Pretty much any time I was sick, occasionally babysitting on Friday/Saturday nights, and about half of the summer.

Op here - I get the independent thing and how it correlates to only feigning interest in grandchildren. I know my parents really dont give a flying F about my kids. Not because of anything morally wrong, they also feigned interest in me growing up. I always felt like a burden and was to neither to be seen nor heard. No abuse, just didn’t really seem to think I was “enough” and I was a straight A super well behaved kid.

I want to know why this was a parenting style and how/if others are seeing this now in grandparenting? If you were a latch key kid growing up is this something you saw when your parents became grandparents?

I cite the creator because other people seem to experience similar vibe. My parent’s friends are all pretty similar in being grandparents when it’s convenient.

Yes, I had kids late. Infertility is a b-tch

Anonymous wrote:Ok sociologists, Explain Boomer Grandparenting to me. What happened in Boomer history that made this a thing?

I am elder millennial former latch key kid. My Boomer parents preached raising an independent kid as their #1 value for parenting.

Fast forward: They have close to zero interest in grand parenting. Ask them to help out in an emergency, Boomer mom pulls out a calendar and say “well, we have Canasta at 3. How about three weeks from now?”

This creator who does Boomer Mom
Videos sums it up perfect. It’s a continuous guilt trip, not wanting to grandparent, and always being too busy. Also lots of double speak that makes you toss up your hands and say “why did I even bother.”

So, what in Boomer history influenced this parenting style?

https://www.tiktok.com/@callmekristenmarie/video/7476110074436472095

I agree with the other posters that it sounds consistent.

Just remember this when it is time for them to go into a home. You don't owe them anything.

If grandparents are local, it would be nice if they’d help in an emergency. But the notion that it’s expected for grandparents to provide ANY childcare (non-emergency) is strange to me. My kids have involved grandparents who will help out if they can (but non-local). It’s great, but they offer. We don’t assume.

My grandparents loved us, but virtually never watched us and mainly seemed more interested in talking to my parents. And it was fine! I had a good relationship with them. But the term “grand parenting” was not a thing. The grandkids were not their focus. I see it all the time on DCUM that people expect grandparents to help them parent. Why? If the grandparents want to do it, they’ll offer. But it shouldn’t be an expectation.

Anonymous wrote:The notion that this is typical of an entire generation is absurd. My boomer parents and ILs could not be more helpful or interested.

It sounds to me like your kid doesn't have great parents, and it comforts you to believe that this is some type of generational failing, rather than specific to your parents, you, and your kid. It's easier to believe that all boomer grandparents are like this, rather than grapple with the realization that your parents don't care that much.

I’ve witnessed both types of grandparent-grandchild relationships involving boomers. Some boomers are really involved grandparents and some are pretty checked out. I don’t have any statistics to cite, but it does seem like this is a pretty consistent complaint about boomers generally.

I can handle my boomer in-laws being checked out as grandparents (they’re old and they deserve to enjoy their twilight years and children probably are overwhelming for them at this point in their lives), but it is annoying when they talk about how family is the most important thing to them and how happy it makes them to see their grandchildren, because in reality, getting to know their grandchildren is a very low priority for them.

The notion that this is typical of an entire generation is absurd. My boomer parents and ILs could not be more helpful or interested.

It sounds to me like your kid doesn't have great parents, and it comforts you to believe that this is some type of generational failing, rather than specific to your parents, you, and your kid. It's easier to believe that all boomer grandparents are like this, rather than grapple with the realization that your parents don't care that much.

My mom was a helicopter mom raising me but it's like pulling teeth to get her to come help for a week or two, and when she does come, she complains the entire time. Then she wonders why her grandkids never want to call her...

Anonymous wrote:What does them wanting to raise an independent kid have to do with them being interested in grandparenting, or helping out in an emergency?

NP. It sounds consistent to me.

You’re supposed to be independent. Do you understand the meaning of that word? There’s your answer.

Anonymous wrote:Ok sociologists, Explain Boomer Grandparenting to me. What happened in Boomer history that made this a thing?

I am elder millennial former latch key kid. My Boomer parents preached raising an independent kid as their #1 value for parenting.

Fast forward: They have close to zero interest in grand parenting. Ask them to help out in an emergency, Boomer mom pulls out a calendar and say “well, we have Canasta at 3. How about three weeks from now?”

This creator who does Boomer Mom
Videos sums it up perfect. It’s a continuous guilt trip, not wanting to grandparent, and always being too busy. Also lots of double speak that makes you toss up your hands and say “why did I even bother.”

So, what in Boomer history influenced this parenting style?

https://www.tiktok.com/@callmekristenmarie/video/7476110074436472095

The answer is in your post. They value your handling your own business yourself. If they didn’t want to be burdened by you when you were an actual child, why would they want to devote time and energy to helping you now that you’re an adult?

They feign wanting to spend time with the grandchildren for two reasons: to save face because it sounds bad to say that they’re not interested and because on some level, they wish they were that kind of grandparents — the same way I wish my house was really well organized, but not enough to buckle down and do the actual work of organizing.

What does them wanting to raise an independent kid have to do with them being interested in grandparenting, or helping out in an emergency?

Define “grandparenting”

What do you expect of them.

That you had kids late, and now they're very old, and are rigid and inflexible in a way they wouldn't have been, were they in their 50s.

Ok sociologists, Explain Boomer Grandparenting to me. What happened in Boomer history that made this a thing?

I am elder millennial former latch key kid. My Boomer parents preached raising an independent kid as their #1 value for parenting.

Fast forward: They have close to zero interest in grand parenting. Ask them to help out in an emergency, Boomer mom pulls out a calendar and say “well, we have Canasta at 3. How about three weeks from now?”

This creator who does Boomer Mom
Videos sums it up perfect. It’s a continuous guilt trip, not wanting to grandparent, and always being too busy. Also lots of double speak that makes you toss up your hands and say “why did I even bother.”

So, what in Boomer history influenced this parenting style?

https://www.tiktok.com/@callmekristenmarie/video/7476110074436472095