Anonymous wrote:Yes people definitely do this. the 50% clean house would give me pause though. Get that under control.

That wouldn’t bother me.

(As long as there is a clean place to sit, table is wiped off and kitchen looks safe.) moderate clutter is fine.

You should feed the unruly children first if you are inviting people over.

We have dinner together with a few families all the time. Our house is mostly clean. I just make more of what we we re going to have. 2 families we are super last minute about it. Like talk the day before or day of it if it's a Sunday.

We do. It’s adults only though in that kids are fed earlier and not expected to sit at the table with us, so that’s not a factor. If the other family has kids they all hang out in another room watching a movie and might order pizza for them.

Also definitely not a weeknight thing, usually Saturday or Sunday. Sometimes Friday.

I mean how old are your kids now? We have three and we do this with friends families. Kids play outside, we grill or get pizza or do pasta etc. we have a small house so harder to do when we can’t go outside. Don’t overthink it. But be a good host and teach your kids to host. It’s how you form your community. Do you go to others homes for parties/dinner/cookouts? And during the week it’s too busy.

Sure we have dinner together! But one parent works from home, one gets out at 4pm, there's a housekeeper who sometimes starts dinner, and kids are capable of sitting for a 45 minute dinner.

Yeah, it's not happening at our house. Kids are teens and busy in the evening; elderly parents need care; everyone in our circle is stressed. Our house is perpetually cluttered.

We do make an effort every now and then, which means twice a year. We do a deep clean, declutter the first floor, have families over. They do the same for us. The rest of the time we see each other one-on-one in our imperfect homes or go out for a cup of tea.

No.

I love it when people self-inflict chaos (having three kids was totally your choice) and then proceed to not be able to parent them adequately.

Yes people definitely do this. the 50% clean house would give me pause though. Get that under control.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe anxiety meds first?

Ok, sure I’ll try it.
It recently came up because a new friend mentioned getting together for dinner, and in text was like “your house, or mine?” And I just wrote back, “I’ll discuss a day with DH.”

I feel like this is an easy chance to have people come over. It’s our shot. I feel like Covid / “the home years” taught my kids to be *comfortable* at home and not semi-behaved for guests.

Op here. One more. One of the nights dh is home early, I am out on a PT job.
One of the days that were both free, we end up all in pajamas being lazy. This isn’t really “like us,” but a recent self-preservation. It feels like the only time we are not on demand.

Maybe anxiety meds first?

If this is just me, say so, I’d love support in overcoming it.

If you can relate, also let me know!

Help me think about / let’s discuss:
Having people over for dinner.

I think between 2020-2025 we got really, really, and I mean, really, out of the habit. Kids then were 9, 5, and 3, so we weren’t entertaining frequently then either. In fact now, we have a much better setup for it, but some factors keep me from doing so

Stuff that makes me stop short of inviting friends over:
-we keep our house 50% clean. I focus on systems that keep us running. Laundry, are water bottles clean, most dishes every day. But stuff that’s out.. it’s a miracle if it all gets put away.
-kids behavior. We focus heavily on dinnertime all together, but lately our two young kids..well their adhd is showing. They don’t seem to sit for 4 minutes+. Efforts to get them to sit requires a lot of figurative fights over respect
-time. What families have any time anymore? Even my DH gets home from work most days at 7:00. He physically cannot leave at 6 like he’s supposed to. There are about 2-3 days per week where he IS home for 5-7. But do families like weeknight invites? Weekends are hard too.. we get looser with our schedule, with real meals. (Pizza! Or Snack plate with a bunch of food groups!)

Dietary restrictions or pickiness for guests is another tough issue, but I’m happy to help. But also, for some friends of ours, it gives me more work to do (again, happy to, but is another obstacle)

If I could solve all three / four issues, do people do dinner together anymore?? I actually have ~25 families I’d love to hang with. Coworkers, DH’s coworkers, kids’ friends, neighbors. Where do I even start? I feel like I could manage 1 per month at best.