Anonymous
09/19/2025 12:41
Subject: Re:Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone decent left? Sure, but they're not on the apps. Those worked maybe 5-10 years ago, but now the decent people see them for the cesspool of humanity they are and mostly stay away.
None of my single friends use them anymore. They hope to meet someone 'in the wild', and accept they might not find 1:1 romantic relationships and instead focus on a chosen family. The guys (and a couple women I know) will occasionally go on the apps to hook up but with no intention of putting a connection-worthy effort in.
How are you supposed to find a guy in the wild?
What should I be doing?
Pursue your own interests, without the goal of finding a boyfriend. Take a class, join a club, get involved in an online community around something you care about. Like PP said, BE the right person. Even if it doesn't result in a romantic relationship, it'll be its own benefit.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 12:39
Subject: Give me hope please
Stop trying to "find" the right person and try to "be" the right person.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 12:36
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Separated from my cheating ex at 38 years old. Moved into my own place and I’m slowly setting it up. I casually browse dating apps to gingerly see what’s out there.
I am being very careful and cautious and only having video calls with men who message me. So far from the men I’ve talked to:
- one has 3 children and is separated from his wife
- one was a 45 year old lawyer who didn’t ask me a single question about me
- one was a 41 year old engineer who was nice but so socially awkward he was shaking and sweating
- lots of men who just want sex
I’ve not met anyone and this is only through video chats…but wow. Is there anyone decent left?
The first guy is just you, but with kids. Are you decent? Would you stop being decent if you had kids?
Anonymous
09/19/2025 12:33
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Separated from my cheating ex at 38 years old. Moved into my own place and I’m slowly setting it up. I casually browse dating apps to gingerly see what’s out there.
I am being very careful and cautious and only having video calls with men who message me. So far from the men I’ve talked to:
- one has 3 children and is separated from his wife
- one was a 45 year old lawyer who didn’t ask me a single question about me
- one was a 41 year old engineer who was nice but so socially awkward he was shaking and sweating
- lots of men who just want sex
I’ve not met anyone and this is only through video chats…but wow. Is there anyone decent left?
Yes - mostly likely including your third dude. He was shaking and sweating because he was nervous because its a first date! And he likes you! If I were you, I'd give him a real date. Go somewhere in person, give him a chance to relax a bit, and see how it goes. Maybe nowhere. But if you're going to eliminate everyone who is nervous on a first date, yeah, you may very well miss out on the decent ones. Think about what actually matters for you, make sure you're screening on those things (like dude number 2, definitely he's no good) and don't screen out people for dumb reasons.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:54
Subject: Re:Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone decent left? Sure, but they're not on the apps. Those worked maybe 5-10 years ago, but now the decent people see them for the cesspool of humanity they are and mostly stay away.
None of my single friends use them anymore. They hope to meet someone 'in the wild', and accept they might not find 1:1 romantic relationships and instead focus on a chosen family. The guys (and a couple women I know) will occasionally go on the apps to hook up but with no intention of putting a connection-worthy effort in.
How are you supposed to find a guy in the wild?
What should I be doing?
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:53
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Separated means married.
+1
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:52
Subject: Re:Give me hope please
Is there anyone decent left? Sure, but they're not on the apps. Those worked maybe 5-10 years ago, but now the decent people see them for the cesspool of humanity they are and mostly stay away.
None of my single friends use them anymore. They hope to meet someone 'in the wild', and accept they might not find 1:1 romantic relationships and instead focus on a chosen family. The guys (and a couple women I know) will occasionally go on the apps to hook up but with no intention of putting a connection-worthy effort in.
None of my single friends use them anymore. They hope to meet someone 'in the wild', and accept they might not find 1:1 romantic relationships and instead focus on a chosen family. The guys (and a couple women I know) will occasionally go on the apps to hook up but with no intention of putting a connection-worthy effort in.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:52
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Separated means married.
FFS don’t be that person.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:52
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Separated from my cheating ex at 38 years old. Moved into my own place and I’m slowly setting it up. I casually browse dating apps to gingerly see what’s out there.
I am being very careful and cautious and only having video calls with men who message me. So far from the men I’ve talked to:
- one has 3 children and is separated from his wife
- one was a 45 year old lawyer who didn’t ask me a single question about me
- one was a 41 year old engineer who was nice but so socially awkward he was shaking and sweating
- lots of men who just want sex
I’ve not met anyone and this is only through video chats…but wow. Is there anyone decent left?
Why not just have sex? Do you really need to jump into another relationship?
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:52
Subject: Give me hope please
It’s the “kiss a lot of frogs to find a Prince” theory. Just just have to plug away and someone will appear. I was lucky. Both times I met very decent guys on my first attempt. I didn’t commit to the first after a few years but he is a decent guy. And now I’m getting serious with the second guy. No red flags yet after almost a year.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:52
Subject: Give me hope please
Separated means married.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:48
Subject: Give me hope please
I think there are plenty of nice men out there but most dates don't amount to much.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:47
Subject: Give me hope please
You want to find someone to build a family with? That will take work, but those men are out there.
You want to find companionship and fun? That will take less work, but work nonetheless.
You want to find companionship and fun? That will take less work, but work nonetheless.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:46
Subject: Re:Give me hope please
Nope. Nobody's decent, including you. Everyone's flawed, including you. You'll need to decide which flaws you can handle and which are dealbreakers.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 11:44
Subject: Give me hope please
Separated from my cheating ex at 38 years old. Moved into my own place and I’m slowly setting it up. I casually browse dating apps to gingerly see what’s out there.
I am being very careful and cautious and only having video calls with men who message me. So far from the men I’ve talked to:
- one has 3 children and is separated from his wife
- one was a 45 year old lawyer who didn’t ask me a single question about me
- one was a 41 year old engineer who was nice but so socially awkward he was shaking and sweating
- lots of men who just want sex
I’ve not met anyone and this is only through video chats…but wow. Is there anyone decent left?
I am being very careful and cautious and only having video calls with men who message me. So far from the men I’ve talked to:
- one has 3 children and is separated from his wife
- one was a 45 year old lawyer who didn’t ask me a single question about me
- one was a 41 year old engineer who was nice but so socially awkward he was shaking and sweating
- lots of men who just want sex
I’ve not met anyone and this is only through video chats…but wow. Is there anyone decent left?