Are you also the OP of the other thread about your cheating husband who wouldn’t get a job finally leaving you?

If so, OP you need some very, very serious therapy. Your sense of self is so beyond damaged and your understanding of what a normal relationship looks like is completely out of whack. I’m not saying this to be mean. But you tethered to yourself to this man who showed you again and again and again who he was. I get you want kids. I promise you that you will be far better off not having them with this man. And you are truly not in a state, not even close, to being able to raise a child given the very complex emotional needs that go along with it. Please get the help you need and deserve. Life might not look like what you were expecting. But you can create a life with yourself at the center of it. Ourselves are really all we have in this world.

I also feel much relief after telling my cheating husband to move out. He moved out immediately and started paying child support and visited the children on the schedule I suggested because I let him know that, if he did as I requested, in the interests of the kids I would not share with his friends, professional colleagues (some of whom were my professional colleagues also) and family what he had done.

People who cheat are broken. They are abusers playing a game of DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender -- trying to convince you that you are so terrible that they had to cheat. That is also abuser logic -- the idea that someone else's behavior makes you do something. I had plenty of opportunity to cheat on my then husband, both before and after I knew he was cheating. But, I didn't cheat, because I am in charge of my own behavior, not a mere uncontrolled impulsive response to people around me.

Although we had 2 kids 18 months and 5 years at the time, I consider kicking him out the smartest, bravest, best thing I ever did for myself and our kids. The kids are infinitely more well-adjusted and successful than if I had stayed with him.

The hardest part about having relationships after a relationship with a cheater is that your sense of safety is broken. I don't feel like my picker is broken - I learned that sociopaths (that is actually what my exDH's psychiatrist called him in a private meeting with me) are very good at hiding their intent to abuse and manipulate. I really had to be a detective to figure out what was going on.

I really recommend working with an individual therapist before and during your future dating so that you can have someone help you learn to maintain healthy boundaries, identify qualities in a partner that you want (and don't want), and deal with the fears and trauma that you have due to your abusive and emotionally manipulative partner.

Good luck. Your future is brighter than it has been in a long time.

Did you stay on the same house after calling him out? I am so dead worried..can’t afford to leave and have one high schooler with me. He’s a good dad and a good provider in general and there is no abuse but he will react and not own up..

I'm only a year out, not dating yet, but I am SO SO SO SO happy.

You had a bad partner. His choices and character are not on you. In time, you may reflect on why you chose him or stayed, but the answer may simply . . . you're loyal, or religious, or you thought you were doing what was best for your kids.

Best kind to yourself. You are deserving of all the love. We all are! Especially when we are offering honesty and empathy and consistency, something cheaters can't offer.

SO happy! I tolerated his cheating for years, until I didn't anymore. I thought I would feel lonely, but I actually felt relief. Caring about where he was and what (who) he was doing, questioning my own worth/ attractiveness, while keeping up appearances and maintaining our home and caring for our kids and all the rest was taking a toll I didn't even realize. Turns out I'm great at all the things as long as I don't have that emotional weight. My career took off, my kids responded well to the emotional lightening, my friends rallied around.

As a bonus (I emphasize bonus-- my life would have been vastly improved just by losing those 200 pounds of a$shole) there was one particular friend who became more than a friend, and it's been bliss for coming up on five years now.

Brighter days ahead OP!

You will be fine OP. My wife cheated on me and I am doing just down today. If you are a good person, someone will recognize your value. It's impossible to stop someone who intend to cheat.

Go to Chumplady.com.

The site owner did.

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever find love and happiness again?
My husband cheated on me serially and here I am separated and on the path to divorce. I feel so unlovable and defective. 😭

It's not you; it's the piece of human trash who you are divorcing.

Did you ever find love and happiness again?
My husband cheated on me serially and here I am separated and on the path to divorce. I feel so unlovable and defective. 😭