Anonymous wrote:She’s quarter of a century old, she can pay for her own airfare if she wants to go fly to see her boyfriend.

It sounds to me like she wants to drive, which is a good experience for her.

She does not have the money to spare

Driving 7 hrs one way, that detail of whether it can be done, whether it can be done easily or not, is unimportant. It's not a decision Mom should be involved in. If she wants to give her daughter a gift of $400, fine. If you want to be a Mom, who is too involved and judges DD"s decisions and wants to solve her problems, that's wrong.

I would offer and not think twice about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. Part of being an adult is going through those small struggles of things such as a 14 hr drive to see someone you love. It will make your DC a better adult and help to strengthen their relationship.

I disagree. This is not about being an adult and making smart decisions. It's about safety - 14 hour road trip solo is not safe. She will need to stop half way to reduce the risk. The cost of fuel and a hotel will be about $400. If you help her buy the ticket, you are demonstrating that safety is important to you as is her emotional well being (visiting her longterm boyfriend).

My parents wouldn't have ever done this for me, but they demonstrate over and over (even as an adult) that they don't value my physical or emotional well being. They can demonstrate with words, not money (I'm 50) and they choose not to, because they don't care.

This is one of those times where your actions will speak so loud that it won't matter what you say.

First, it's 14 hours round trip, not one way.

Second, even if it were 14 hours one way, there's no need to stop. It's a long day, and many people would probably stop. But it's not so long that a stop is required for safety. To suggest otherwise is at best helicoperty, and at worst infantalizing.

She’s quarter of a century old, she can pay for her own airfare if she wants to go fly to see her boyfriend.

It sounds to me like she wants to drive, which is a good experience for her.

Not worth long discussions. Just pay for the ticket. It's only 400

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm usually pro funding adult kids, for family vacations, etc but just to hang out with her bf? Nah. Driving 7h one way is not that crazy. I got married 7-8h away and I had to make this drive many times. Take a break half way for some food and she'll be fine.

+1 agree on paying for kids to visit you, attend family weddings and events, etc. This feels pretty random, OP

This. Not to visit her boyfriend. I routinely drove 5hrs+ from college home when I was in school, so an adult should be able to handle a 7 hr drive.

It sucks, but it’s doable. Maybe just ask her to text you at some point so you know she got there safely.

No, she can pay for boyfriend visits. But I would pay for her visits home, or for any joint vacations that you take.

Anonymous wrote:I'm usually pro funding adult kids, for family vacations, etc but just to hang out with her bf? Nah. Driving 7h one way is not that crazy. I got married 7-8h away and I had to make this drive many times. Take a break half way for some food and she'll be fine.

+1 agree on paying for kids to visit you, attend family weddings and events, etc. This feels pretty random, OP

I'm usually pro funding adult kids, for family vacations, etc but just to hang out with her bf? Nah. Driving 7h one way is not that crazy. I got married 7-8h away and I had to make this drive many times. Take a break half way for some food and she'll be fine.

"Proudly independent?" Nope. Let her be.

I often offer to pay to have my adult kids see each other, see me, or go to extended family event. I have included their spouse or SO too.

But at 25 and just dating, no. This isn't a huge thing though Op, either way. We aren't judging your parenting. And it's not like you need to continue to do it, just because you offer it once.

What I would *not* do is offer it -just because- she would otherwise make a foolish decision (to drive), or any foolish decision for that matter. That gets into a role of Problem Solver. For this or other problems . That is a role you should not have.

Anonymous wrote:I would not. Part of being an adult is going through those small struggles of things such as a 14 hr drive to see someone you love. It will make your DC a better adult and help to strengthen their relationship.

I disagree. This is not about being an adult and making smart decisions. It's about safety - 14 hour road trip solo is not safe. She will need to stop half way to reduce the risk. The cost of fuel and a hotel will be about $400. If you help her buy the ticket, you are demonstrating that safety is important to you as is her emotional well being (visiting her longterm boyfriend).

My parents wouldn't have ever done this for me, but they demonstrate over and over (even as an adult) that they don't value my physical or emotional well being. They can demonstrate with words, not money (I'm 50) and they choose not to, because they don't care.

This is one of those times where your actions will speak so loud that it won't matter what you say.

I would not. Part of being an adult is going through those small struggles of things such as a 14 hr drive to see someone you love. It will make your DC a better adult and help to strengthen their relationship.

My kid is 25, and in grad school. Thanks to having a fully funded position, she is proudly independent…though definitely on a limited budget (think less than $30,000 a year). I am retired, and have more than enough to live on.

Her serious boyfriend recently moved out of town. She is planning to visit him for the first time, which will require a 14 hour drive (round trip). I am very tempted to offer to pay for a plane ticket instead, which would cost me less than $400. What do you think?