Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:27
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!
I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.
Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?
You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.
As an example, STBX sent me an email last night saying he was really tried and didn’t have the bandwidth to pull [easily available document] for me and it was an excessive request anyway. For other stuff that included a joint tax return amendment that I didn’t have a copy of, he’s said “that’s my private information.” Unfortunately we do have to do discovery and it is doing to make him very hostile. I almost feel bad for his attorney when they have to explain to him how that will work.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:25
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:You could mediate and not have this much drama.
Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.
He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.
It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.
Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."
There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.
If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...
Mediation is a cooperative process, the post is about someone who can't get his s together. Can't determine the marital assets without documentation of what they are...
Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:24
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:You could mediate and not have this much drama.
Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.
He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.
It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.
Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."
There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.
If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...
So let me get this straight. OPs soon to be ex hires a lawyer and files for divorce but your advice is that OP should not lawyer up and jsut take whatever ex is offering.
You must be a special kind of stupid.
Even in the most "easy" divorces where assets are split 50/50, there is still an exchange of documents to determine what the assets ARE. OP is well within her rights to protect herself and her future. Just because he had a tantrum and decided to file for divorce does not mean that she should not protect herself FFS.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:21
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!
I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.
Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?
You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:16
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!
I get it, OP. The short term “I want a divorce yesterday” guy didn’t fully think through what all of it would mean in the long term. Or he thought he did, and was wrong. It’s very frustrating. I hope his atty shakes him by the shoulders to get him moving on all of the stuff necessary to finalize the divorce he wanted. I wasn’t on board at the start, but I sure am now.
OP and yes, you get it. I was shocked at first but now that I’ve seen it start to play out I feel a mix of scared and stunned to see that this is who he is. I’m on board now.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:15
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:You could mediate and not have this much drama.
Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.
He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.
It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.
Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."
There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.
If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...
Unfortunately his mood when he filed was immediately to start hiding things. Including assets, bills, logins, etc.
So there is a lot do run down and it’s not a 50/50 situation. And he didn’t want 50/50 custody even though his attorney is using that as a boilerplate negotiating point so far.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 09:02
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:You could mediate and not have this much drama.
Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.
He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.
It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.
Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."
There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.
If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...
Most don’t. But when it’s the type who knows everything about everything, they don’t want to hear that there’s another way. Especially if they already called a lawyer.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 08:56
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!
I get it, OP. The short term “I want a divorce yesterday” guy didn’t fully think through what all of it would mean in the long term. Or he thought he did, and was wrong. It’s very frustrating. I hope his atty shakes him by the shoulders to get him moving on all of the stuff necessary to finalize the divorce he wanted. I wasn’t on board at the start, but I sure am now.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 08:49
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
You could mediate and not have this much drama.
Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.
He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.
It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.
Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."
There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.
If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...
Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.
He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.
It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.
Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."
There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.
If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...
Anonymous
09/16/2025 08:35
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!
I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 08:34
Subject: Re:STBX melting down during divorce
Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule.
This is a type. They can’t/won’t manage the scaffolding of life and therefore don’t know how to do it. They view it as beneath them to handle the details, so when they find themselves in a position of managing complexity in their own personal life, they fall apart.
OP if you want this divorce, just let him hang himself. He’ll eventually fire his attorney (or be let go as a client) and find another one, in the meantime just use the delay to your advantage. Merely being organized and prompt will put the legal team on your side.
Massively tone deaf after PPs post
Anonymous
09/16/2025 08:20
Subject: Re:STBX melting down during divorce
He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule.
This is a type. They can’t/won’t manage the scaffolding of life and therefore don’t know how to do it. They view it as beneath them to handle the details, so when they find themselves in a position of managing complexity in their own personal life, they fall apart.
OP if you want this divorce, just let him hang himself. He’ll eventually fire his attorney (or be let go as a client) and find another one, in the meantime just use the delay to your advantage. Merely being organized and prompt will put the legal team on your side.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 06:11
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Mine was like that. He could only see what was in front of him at that moment. He saw everything in separate blocks making no connections. He had no idea his behavior caused all his problems.
Everything was black and white. He had ASD he didn't know about it. Most of his family does.
He had no capacity to see the whole picture.
He is no more. I saw it coming or at least a huge possibility. His huge family didn't.
OP, you are probably not dealing with the healthiest person.
Everything was black and white. He had ASD he didn't know about it. Most of his family does.
He had no capacity to see the whole picture.
He is no more. I saw it coming or at least a huge possibility. His huge family didn't.
OP, you are probably not dealing with the healthiest person.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 05:43
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Perhaps talk to a counselor?
Anonymous
09/16/2025 02:31
Subject: STBX melting down during divorce
Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!
He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.
I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.
But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.
Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.
He chose this! What’s his problem?!