Anonymous wrote:Talk to her after school and ask her how you can both make mornings go more smoothly.

Suggestions to talk through together:

Can she go to bed 1/2 an hour earlier?
Can she plan what she wants for breakfast?
Can she lay out her clothes the night before?

How’s her social life going? Is she in a new school or a new friend group? We’re only one month into school and maybe her lunch group or her social dynamics has changed for the worse. That’s probably what’s making her miserable.

How’s she doing or feeling academically?

Give her some space. The only thing I say to my kid when they’re like this is, hey, please don’t yell at me.

Not OP but these are great questions and wonderful advice. Agree 100%

Me trying to help makes things worse. Then she just turns the mood onto me. I try and step back when she gets all worked up.
My 13yo gets clothes out the night before. We plan as much as possible the night before as well, on school days.
No phone/electronics after 830pm.

I agree with the pp, it’s not the pants. It’s a million other things. Definitely validate the frustrations and be with her for a little, but if you try to fix everything it’s prolonging her pain as well as taking away her trust in herself to fix or move on. Try spending less time with her when she gets in these modes.

My dd was the same at that age. It’s better now a few years later but still there. Sometimes I’m too busy to help in the moment she asks or starts freaking out and those are usually the best case scenarios. She needs you less than you both think she does, if that makes sense.

One thing that helped short circuit the incident when our kid was this age was not engaging in the freak out because it’s not really the pants or the hair that she’s upset about. Empathetically saying, I’m sorry the pants are stained, I trust you to figure it out, giving a hug and then disengaging helped our kid a lot. Offering other pants just got her more riled up.

More sleep, less screen time. Her emotions are hijacked.

We have the same at our house. It’s a little better this year in 9th grade but still happening. She has “friends” but it’s very tenuous, the sands are always shifting and she never feels securely in the group. I don’t fully trust any of them. It sucks.

You're in the thick of it... I think you're doing all the right things and this wave of hormone hell will pass in the next 2 or so years.

My kid behaves like this if they haven't slept enough.

Sounds like anxiety of something she is dreading at school. Issues with girl groups? Anxiety of lunch and who she'll sit with? One teacher she fears? A bully or mean girl who regularly makes comments about her appearance? You need to press her a bit in the genesis of these breakdowns. Sure, it could be related to horomones/ her period but it could be something else.

"Bus is leaving, get your booty out here! Or are you walking or what?"

Talk to her after school and ask her how you can both make mornings go more smoothly.

Suggestions to talk through together:

Can she go to bed 1/2 an hour earlier?
Can she plan what she wants for breakfast?
Can she lay out her clothes the night before?

How’s her social life going? Is she in a new school or a new friend group? We’re only one month into school and maybe her lunch group or her social dynamics has changed for the worse. That’s probably what’s making her miserable.

How’s she doing or feeling academically?

Give her some space. The only thing I say to my kid when they’re like this is, hey, please don’t yell at me.

Is she being bullied at school? Kids don't always tell you, you know. It's embarrassing, and they don't know if you will believe them or how you will react. Ask her how it's going at school with friends. Is everything okay? Keep finding different ways to ask. Bullying is insidious and it does not present the way you think it will. Be your kid's rock.

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you. It is exhausting and maddening.

Solidarity!

Right there with you. It is exhausting and maddening.

2-3 times per month my just turned 13yo DD has a meltdown before school over something. I am sure it’s a mix of hormones and being tired, but looking for tips on how to move past it quickly.

This morning she got hysterical because the pants she wanted to wear had a stain on them. I calmly tried to help her pick another outfit and then she tried on 100 different things that “all looked horrible.” I was patient and never got frustrated, but it dragged on for too long so she missed the school bus and then I was late to work because I had to drive her to school. The last time it was her hair looking too frizzy, once it was because she wanted a frozen waffle for breakfast and we were all out.

I know some of the emotions are out of her control but need to figure out how best to address this behavior without encouraging or enabling it.