Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:39
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Sisters before misters!
She tells him she already made plans with her friend but she will see him there. If she feels up to it, she could also suggest they go out separately a different time.
She tells him she already made plans with her friend but she will see him there. If she feels up to it, she could also suggest they go out separately a different time.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:35
Subject: Re:Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Anonymous wrote:Downvote to idea of guy brings a cute friend. Don’t put that on DD’s friend. That is no favor. Either go with friend or drop her.
I agree. Don’t make it awkward. She upholds her original plans and just goes with her friend. She can have a dance with the boy at the dance.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:33
Subject: Re:Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Downvote to idea of guy brings a cute friend. Don’t put that on DD’s friend. That is no favor. Either go with friend or drop her.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:28
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Anonymous wrote:They go all three of them, of course. This is how it's done these days. There are much fewer formal dates in high school than there were a generation ago. Now it's very fluid, it's friend groups and would-be romantic partners thrown in, and people get added in at the last minute. He can go to the friend's house right before the event, or he'll just meet them there. And no, don't make it contingent on bringing someone else. That's mean.
No, she's not too young for dating. My God, please don't age yourself. "Dating" at 14 can just mean they do things together, maybe even without holding hands or kissing. But in their minds, they're "dating". And then you get some 12 year olds having sex, as the other end of the spectrum... You can have anything and everything at that age. But don't tell your daughter "your" definition of dating, please. She'll laugh in your face.
Moral: there are no formal rules for Homecoming or any other event, even Prom. Teens hang out together. That's all.
I disagree. At 14 some girls are going they guys, but I’m encouraging friendships at this age, over boys. None of my daughter’s friends have boyfriends, and I honestly think it’s great.
In a world where, as you said, kids are having sex at 12, I find it refreshing.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:17
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
They go all three of them, of course. This is how it's done these days. There are much fewer formal dates in high school than there were a generation ago. Now it's very fluid, it's friend groups and would-be romantic partners thrown in, and people get added in at the last minute. He can go to the friend's house right before the event, or he'll just meet them there. And no, don't make it contingent on bringing someone else. That's mean.
No, she's not too young for dating. My God, please don't age yourself. "Dating" at 14 can just mean they do things together, maybe even without holding hands or kissing. But in their minds, they're "dating". And then you get some 12 year olds having sex, as the other end of the spectrum... You can have anything and everything at that age. But don't tell your daughter "your" definition of dating, please. She'll laugh in your face.
Moral: there are no formal rules for Homecoming or any other event, even Prom. Teens hang out together. That's all.
No, she's not too young for dating. My God, please don't age yourself. "Dating" at 14 can just mean they do things together, maybe even without holding hands or kissing. But in their minds, they're "dating". And then you get some 12 year olds having sex, as the other end of the spectrum... You can have anything and everything at that age. But don't tell your daughter "your" definition of dating, please. She'll laugh in your face.
Moral: there are no formal rules for Homecoming or any other event, even Prom. Teens hang out together. That's all.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:13
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She needs to honor her first commitment, to her friend. It’s nice the boy asked her, but she’s too young for dating anyway.
OP here. This was my initial thought, but I didn’t want to appear too rigid. We don’t allow her to officially date yet, but I wasn’t sure if a prom date was technically a “date”.
This made me laugh. Only better would be asking if alcohol ok at prom bc prom drunk is not really drunk!
What I meant was, obviously I have little control over who she talks to at school, and, if I allow her to attend a school event, who she socializes with there. If she meets this boy in the school gym for a dance, that’s not exactly a “date”.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:07
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She needs to honor her first commitment, to her friend. It’s nice the boy asked her, but she’s too young for dating anyway.
OP here. This was my initial thought, but I didn’t want to appear too rigid. We don’t allow her to officially date yet, but I wasn’t sure if a prom date was technically a “date”.
This made me laugh. Only better would be asking if alcohol ok at prom bc prom drunk is not really drunk!
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:56
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
Anonymous wrote:She needs to honor her first commitment, to her friend. It’s nice the boy asked her, but she’s too young for dating anyway.
OP here. This was my initial thought, but I didn’t want to appear too rigid. We don’t allow her to officially date yet, but I wasn’t sure if a prom date was technically a “date”.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:53
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
NP but what does “going” with a boy even look like at 14/15? They can’t drive. Do they just meet at the dance and “go” together? My daughter is similarly going with a group of friends but suddenly there is a boy. I’m feeling the same way, that no way does she ditch her friends for a boy!
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:53
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
"I already made plans to go with Veronica. I'll see you there. If you want to hang out with us, you have to bring a cute friend for V."
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:51
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
She needs to honor her first commitment, to her friend. It’s nice the boy asked her, but she’s too young for dating anyway.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:49
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
She has to ask her friend what she thinks of adding another person. What’s not an option is to ditch her friend for a boy. Does he have a friend?
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:48
Subject: Re:Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
If he asks, can DD explain that she already has plans to attend with a friend but maybe he could bring a friend as well? And they could go as a foursome?
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:46
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
*sorry for the weird autocorrect and punctuation!
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:44
Subject: Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?
DD14 made plans to go with her friend to homecoming. They have it all set up: she’s going to go to the friend’s house to get ready, pictures, and a spending the night here after. Today she came home and said a boy she “sort of” likes keeps hinting that he wants to ask her to go with him to the dance. She hasn’t officially been asked, so I want to correctly manage this before he does ask. She thinks it’s fine, that he will tag along and be the third wheel, but I think that will be awkward for her friend who has no date, and she made plans to go with her friend first. I don’t want her thinking it’s cool to blow off plans and leave friend’s in the lurch over a guy, especially at 14! Am I wrong?