Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:44
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
I would leave her be. It's not your place to interfere.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:37
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
I think you need to have a conversation with your sister about this before you do this. Are you planning on staying with her, does she want an extra person under her roof or will that stress her out more? Your intentions are obviously coming from a good place but you need to discuss this with her.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:30
Subject: Re:My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Op here! I really really like the week on week off idea, I dont know why that didnt occur to me! The way my scheduling is I can probably do 10 days off and come back for 10 etc so I am going to start investigating thise logistics. My nephew isnt terminal, my gut is more based on my sisters mental health and exhaustion but beyond “normal” if that makes sense. I dont even know “what” (outside the obvious) it is but I feel strong about it.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:23
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
I think a week may be the best, two at max. I hate to be so negative about this, but please consider in the back of your mind that if things take a turn for the worse, you may need to go back again for an additional week or two to offer support that she may really, really need then. You can always switch to a later flight once you get there if need be. But for now, with work and the disruption to your family, plan for a week
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:22
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Anonymous wrote:I am going to try and summarize a very long story. I have 3 kids, dh, normal jobs (neither WFH) and we have a very everyday normal life with the craziness of sports and three different schools etc. However we are wealthy in health and my sister, living 6 stated away, also has three kids and a DH and two normal jobs but my nephew has leukemia.
My whole extended family has been rallying and visiting and sending meals and done all the things. We have been planning all the kids birthdays, we are sending money to cover the FMLA gap my sister is taking, we are going out as much as possible while keeping exposure at mind etc. However the last few weeks Ive noticed a depletion in my sister. The tone is different, the updates (although they do seem honest and not particularly negative) seem fine and all is going as scheduled but in my core I know something has changed for her in a way I cant put my finger on. I am seriously considering taking a combo of pto and shift swaps (i am a floor NP and work shift/hourly) and coming out sans kids for a real amount of time. Not a few days where we cart the other kids around and have various events planned but like a real chunk of time (maybe even a month) where I gan put boots on the ground and really help. I feel bad because it will put an incredible burden on my own DH and my own kids. While they CAN make it work we are also transplants and it wont be easy. DH would always support me in theory but I worry resentment might build. He has brothers but they aren’t particularly close, so I dont know if he has a comparative relationship to help him understand.
However, I can hear it in my sisters voice, I really think shes disassociating and having a very complicated difficult time. Meal trains and laundry services only go so far. Its more of a gut feeling that I NEED to go but I wonder if I am making it up in my head and shes just tired.
Anyone ever have a similar life situation and can provide guidance? This has been a 14 month journey and I dont know why NOW other than my intuition that Im hesitant to believe.
I would start a conversation with DH.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:21
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Anonymous wrote:Go for 2 weeks. A month seems too long and too burdensome on your own family
I think she should go for a shorter period (1-2 weeks) not because of the burden but in order to make an assessment of how much she can help and whether she should go again and for longer.
This kind of stuff doesn’t happen all the time. This is our purpose in life, to be there for the people we love, not just our immediate families. Maybe OP should go for a week or two and then see if she can swing it for another week or two in a month or two. This is what DH did when his sibling was sick.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:16
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Anonymous wrote:Go to her. no question.
This. No question
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:11
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Is the kid likely to die?
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:01
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
I think you should go, but maybe a week on/week off would be better for your family and possibly for her as well?
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:00
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
OP, I had this feeling once in my life. Go.
Mine was different because my dad was already in hospice care but he could have lived for many months more. I was in the middle of a meeting at work and stood up and went to the hallway and knew I needed to book a flight home.
I flew home that night and slept in his room at hospice and stayed with him the next day. I was young and didn’t have the ability to take more paid leave so I had to go back the day after that. He died two days later.
I’m not saying that will happen to your sister.
But: if you are second-guessing yourself or think you are being weird, consider that our brains and bodies are evolved to be highy attuned to pick up on patterns and detect observations that are outside of the norm. It’s a survival instinct and something built over millions of years of evolution- think of this as not just a crazy woo thing so much as your brain putting together pieces of a puzzle and making a logical deduction.
Mine was different because my dad was already in hospice care but he could have lived for many months more. I was in the middle of a meeting at work and stood up and went to the hallway and knew I needed to book a flight home.
I flew home that night and slept in his room at hospice and stayed with him the next day. I was young and didn’t have the ability to take more paid leave so I had to go back the day after that. He died two days later.
I’m not saying that will happen to your sister.
But: if you are second-guessing yourself or think you are being weird, consider that our brains and bodies are evolved to be highy attuned to pick up on patterns and detect observations that are outside of the norm. It’s a survival instinct and something built over millions of years of evolution- think of this as not just a crazy woo thing so much as your brain putting together pieces of a puzzle and making a logical deduction.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 12:00
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
OP that would be amazing of you to go. I know someone whose sister changed her whole life around to support her cancer diagnosis. It can mean the world to someone.
Only you can judge whether it's doable for your own family but this is a wonderful thing if you can do it.
Only you can judge whether it's doable for your own family but this is a wonderful thing if you can do it.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:57
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
That's nice of you. You should help as you can. Instead of many weeks at once, can you try for a week to see what's happening without the kids around? Then go back home. Think, talk it over with your family and reassess if you being with your sister and away from your family is the way to go.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:57
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Go for 2 weeks. A month seems too long and too burdensome on your own family
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:55
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
Go to her. no question.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:52
Subject: My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth
I am going to try and summarize a very long story. I have 3 kids, dh, normal jobs (neither WFH) and we have a very everyday normal life with the craziness of sports and three different schools etc. However we are wealthy in health and my sister, living 6 stated away, also has three kids and a DH and two normal jobs but my nephew has leukemia.
My whole extended family has been rallying and visiting and sending meals and done all the things. We have been planning all the kids birthdays, we are sending money to cover the FMLA gap my sister is taking, we are going out as much as possible while keeping exposure at mind etc. However the last few weeks Ive noticed a depletion in my sister. The tone is different, the updates (although they do seem honest and not particularly negative) seem fine and all is going as scheduled but in my core I know something has changed for her in a way I cant put my finger on. I am seriously considering taking a combo of pto and shift swaps (i am a floor NP and work shift/hourly) and coming out sans kids for a real amount of time. Not a few days where we cart the other kids around and have various events planned but like a real chunk of time (maybe even a month) where I gan put boots on the ground and really help. I feel bad because it will put an incredible burden on my own DH and my own kids. While they CAN make it work we are also transplants and it wont be easy. DH would always support me in theory but I worry resentment might build. He has brothers but they aren’t particularly close, so I dont know if he has a comparative relationship to help him understand.
However, I can hear it in my sisters voice, I really think shes disassociating and having a very complicated difficult time. Meal trains and laundry services only go so far. Its more of a gut feeling that I NEED to go but I wonder if I am making it up in my head and shes just tired.
Anyone ever have a similar life situation and can provide guidance? This has been a 14 month journey and I dont know why NOW other than my intuition that Im hesitant to believe.
My whole extended family has been rallying and visiting and sending meals and done all the things. We have been planning all the kids birthdays, we are sending money to cover the FMLA gap my sister is taking, we are going out as much as possible while keeping exposure at mind etc. However the last few weeks Ive noticed a depletion in my sister. The tone is different, the updates (although they do seem honest and not particularly negative) seem fine and all is going as scheduled but in my core I know something has changed for her in a way I cant put my finger on. I am seriously considering taking a combo of pto and shift swaps (i am a floor NP and work shift/hourly) and coming out sans kids for a real amount of time. Not a few days where we cart the other kids around and have various events planned but like a real chunk of time (maybe even a month) where I gan put boots on the ground and really help. I feel bad because it will put an incredible burden on my own DH and my own kids. While they CAN make it work we are also transplants and it wont be easy. DH would always support me in theory but I worry resentment might build. He has brothers but they aren’t particularly close, so I dont know if he has a comparative relationship to help him understand.
However, I can hear it in my sisters voice, I really think shes disassociating and having a very complicated difficult time. Meal trains and laundry services only go so far. Its more of a gut feeling that I NEED to go but I wonder if I am making it up in my head and shes just tired.
Anyone ever have a similar life situation and can provide guidance? This has been a 14 month journey and I dont know why NOW other than my intuition that Im hesitant to believe.