My 20 year old son is on the spectrum and behaves like this.

We've taught to him mask and trot out "decent human" responses to most of life's events. But we can't make him socialize more than he wants to.

He accepts incoming texts and Facetimes, but hardly ever initiates. I can see how that will become a problem later in life. But, one can only do so much with his socio-emotional limitations.

It will be interesting to see him in a caregiving role, if that ever happens. I think it might work if he understands he has the primary responsibility. But he tends to escape and rely too much on other people if someone else takes the lead. We have to say: "Larlo, this is YOUR job", and step back. And then he's going to do whatever it is (maybe badly, but he'll be willing).

Anonymous wrote:I have an older brother, single, in his 50s. I rarely even get a text from him. I have taken on the full responsibility for our mother (Alzheimer’s stage 6) and unless I reach out he would never do so. He will respond to a text and that’s about it. I finally insisted he visit her before she no longer recognizes him , it had been more than a year and she can’t use a phone etc. he did finally come out for a few days and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s so odd, I don’t expect weekly chats but if I didn’t reach out am not sure he ever would. Like, ever.

Strategic avoidance. He doesn't want to get sucked in to being responsible or feeling guilty. It's like "playing dead" from a relationship standpoint.

I have an older brother, single, in his 50s. I rarely even get a text from him. I have taken on the full responsibility for our mother (Alzheimer’s stage 6) and unless I reach out he would never do so. He will respond to a text and that’s about it. I finally insisted he visit her before she no longer recognizes him , it had been more than a year and she can’t use a phone etc. he did finally come out for a few days and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s so odd, I don’t expect weekly chats but if I didn’t reach out am not sure he ever would. Like, ever.

If they're single can they come visit easily? Invite them. Or can you go?

They don't want to do a video call. Accept it.

Just call them. If they don't pick up, leave a voicemail.

Can you plan activities?

A trip together?

Fantasy sports league?

Something like this may be more appealing to them.

They’ve told you no. Respect that.
Continue to text.

Why don’t you visit them?

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to keep in touch with my 2 adult sibling brothers. They only will text me, I'd like to have a conversation or do a video call, something a little more deeper with a connection. I've asked a few times and I'm always met with just a text back.

Any other ideas on what I should do? Both are in their 40's and single. I just think it's important as our parents are starting to age and we are getting older.

This is you judging them, calling them deficient in something, and you have expectations that they are not meeting. They sense this and don't want to be bothered. Just be natural and engage how they want to engage.

Nothing worse when encounter someone that has that has that palpable outlook of longing for and disgust for you at the same time, it is smothering and gross.

Maybe their views will evolve in about 10 years or so when they begin to realize their mortality.

Sometimes no answer IS the answer. They are. telling you they only want to communicate through text.

I'd like to keep in touch with my 2 adult sibling brothers. They only will text me, I'd like to have a conversation or do a video call, something a little more deeper with a connection. I've asked a few times and I'm always met with just a text back.

Any other ideas on what I should do? Both are in their 40's and single. I just think it's important as our parents are starting to age and we are getting older.