Anonymous wrote:I would not allow your child over there.

+1

And I’d watch location when you aren’t with her. The girl in question should only be allowed to visit at your house and under supervision.
That’s a ticking time bomb.

If your family ethos is no drinking under any circumstance then you don’t allow her to go there.

I wouldn’t control what contact she has during the day or during the week.

My ethos is that I know kids are gonna drink. I teach them how to do it safely. I asked that they not stay at loud parties where police are gonna arrive.

I prefer that they sleep at the house so there’s no drinking and driving. I also gave them a no questions asked fully funded Uber account.

My son hung out at “the house that allow drinking” and it usually was just less than 10 guys watching football, hanging out by a pool, eating pizza and playing pool or poker.

My kids ended up in a few “big parties that got loud” and we discussed how we just really had no desire to deal with cops so if they continue to do that, they were gonna lose privileges.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of our neighbors and DD is friends with their daughter have no rules when it comes to drinking. (They are 16). Last night, the party was so loud the police showed up. DD is out of town with sport. She called and I mentioned the raging party and she seemed unsurprised. I get this is pretty common but it still surprised me that parents are willing to take this risk with other people’s children.

No real question besides what do you do? DD is not allowed to sleepover there but Ildi we say no contact with this girl?

If you think the maga parents ever care about someone else’s kid bad you

This is very common

This is why you must teach your children to be free to call you any time no questions asked because other parents are idiots

I don’t understand the MAGA angle here, other than that some need to make every discussion about that. The “houses that allow drinking” we encountered were those of pretty progressive people. As a parent, it is infuriating—the permissive parents are, in my experience, so self-righteous in their views that “everyone is going to do it” and “its safer at home” that they are literally stocking their basement fridge with drinks and making that choice for other people’s kids as well. The fact that other people’s children are not themselves at home and have to find a way to get home while drunk is, I suppose, a detail they often tend to overlook. Personally, I think all this is often a rationalization—what these parents really like is feeling like the “cool parents” and living vicariously through their children. But the reality is that there isn’t much you can do to control your child’s exposure to this sort of thing, it’s quite common, so you just have to hope they make good choices.

I wouldn’t ban her from seeing the kid. But obviously don’t let her attend the parties, and continue to make your expectations concerning alcohol & teens clear to her. This really does make a difference, statistically speaking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of our neighbors and DD is friends with their daughter have no rules when it comes to drinking. (They are 16). Last night, the party was so loud the police showed up. DD is out of town with sport. She called and I mentioned the raging party and she seemed unsurprised. I get this is pretty common but it still surprised me that parents are willing to take this risk with other people’s children.

No real question besides what do you do? DD is not allowed to sleepover there but Ildi we say no contact with this girl?

If you think the maga parents ever care about someone else’s kid bad you

This is very common

This is why you must teach your children to be free to call you any time no questions asked because other parents are idiots

This kind of slanderous stereotyping is pointless and potentially harmful, especially days after a political assassination.

Maybe some "maga parents" in your neck of the woods are more permissive than you, but I promise you that neither party has an exclusive hold on parents who look the other way on certain behaviors. Painting tens of millions of people as not giving a flip about other peoples' kids just makes you look like the rube.

I was shocked my one of my closest friends told me she allowed such a party at her house when her DD was a senior in high school (and still 17). She felt that she preferred this to her kid sneaking out and risking her life on the road while drunk, or taking any of the risks associated with alcohol, which she apparently had already done. Also, and significantly, she and her husband felt they had no moral high ground since they apparently behaved like this at the same age and grew up to be educated, successful adults.

This was an eye-opening exchange, because I never went to parties or drank at that age, and my teens and young adults don't either (they don't like loud gatherings and are physiologically intolerant to alcohol just like us). We're on the same planet but not operating on the same plane of reality

My two cents:

At age 16, realistically you have no real control over who DD is friends with or has contact with.

You definitely do have some control over who she hangs out with, where she goes and when- but- you have to be mindful about how much want you exercise this “power”.

I’d be OK with my DD continuing to hang out with this girl on a general level if they are friends. I wouldn’t allow her to sleep over there.

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your DD. Now is the time to talk about drinking if you haven’t already. The truth is many kids this age are drinking- you just happen to know about it because this one is your neighbor.

Anonymous wrote:One of our neighbors and DD is friends with their daughter have no rules when it comes to drinking. (They are 16). Last night, the party was so loud the police showed up. DD is out of town with sport. She called and I mentioned the raging party and she seemed unsurprised. I get this is pretty common but it still surprised me that parents are willing to take this risk with other people’s children.

No real question besides what do you do? DD is not allowed to sleepover there but Ildi we say no contact with this girl?

If you think the maga parents ever care about someone else’s kid bad you

This is very common

This is why you must teach your children to be free to call you any time no questions asked because other parents are idiots

Not sure why people think it is better for kids to be at the permissive house vs at college or at the park or whatever. It isn’t.

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow your child over there.

+1

I would not allow your child over there.

In some ways drinking at their house first is better than getting raging drunk at college for the first time.

How much contact do they have and how much do you trust your daughter? At 16, you can’t control who she’s friends with. I would not have her hanging out at the house with raging parties as much as you can help it. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your kid and she trusts you to tell you things. I don’t see a reason to start banning her from talking from people. She will meet all types as she gets older.

Look on the bright side. Better at their house than some rando's place or a public area.

But the noise would def be unacceptable and you have to shut down neighbors who make racket.

One of our neighbors and DD is friends with their daughter have no rules when it comes to drinking. (They are 16). Last night, the party was so loud the police showed up. DD is out of town with sport. She called and I mentioned the raging party and she seemed unsurprised. I get this is pretty common but it still surprised me that parents are willing to take this risk with other people’s children.

No real question besides what do you do? DD is not allowed to sleepover there but Ildi we say no contact with this girl?