No, quite the opposite. Having kids was the greatest mistake of our lives.

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids, ages 17, 15, 13, & 11. My two middle kids are affectionate, bright, make friends easily, work hard at everything they do, and are just overall easy to parent. They have their issues, but they are typical kid issues. My oldest and youngest are considerably more difficult.

I often joke with my husband that if we just had our middle two kids, we would be giving everyone parenting advice.

I have one way child and one very difficult child. It would be easy to be smug if I didn’t know how a freak accident can overturn all the great things we do for both children.

I have four kids, ages 17, 15, 13, & 11. My two middle kids are affectionate, bright, make friends easily, work hard at everything they do, and are just overall easy to parent. They have their issues, but they are typical kid issues. My oldest and youngest are considerably more difficult.

I often joke with my husband that if we just had our middle two kids, we would be giving everyone parenting advice.

My kids are great because they are mine. They have their faults (as do I) and things can certainly be challenging at times, but I feel very lucky to be their mom and am proud of who they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culture. That and family values.

15 and 17; both high achievers and hardworking. D followed by S.

We chose a more modest home in the best school district we could afford and we don’t drive luxury vehicles; preferring to put the $$ saved into college funds. We also pay 100% for our vehicles (no loans). Will have house payed off b/f kids finish college.

It is really all about values.

No it’s not great parents can have a kid go sideways.

Shame on you

Um, are you ok?

OP I don’t think it’s a simple formula shit happens good and bad.

Things we found that were important education.

Given where the US is now with all the propaganda hate and misinformation teaching your children how to think for themselves, to treat everyone no matter what color their skin is or what religion they are is some of the most basic parenting skills yet many many in this country have failed.

Libraries take your kids to libraries read to them read with them as they age read the books they read and discuss.

We found dinner time to be important but with busy schedules we couldn’t always do that so we made Sunday brunch important. No church for us.

I have been watching the young adults in my life and I have to say they really have it together some years and just seem awful at other times. I think like many of us, they have ups and downs, struggles and just needing time to find their fit and some bloom in unlikely places or get stuck on something nobody saw coming.

Anonymous wrote:Culture. That and family values.

15 and 17; both high achievers and hardworking. D followed by S.

We chose a more modest home in the best school district we could afford and we don’t drive luxury vehicles; preferring to put the $$ saved into college funds. We also pay 100% for our vehicles (no loans). Will have house payed off b/f kids finish college.

It is really all about values.

No it’s not great parents can have a kid go sideways.

Shame on you

Culture. That and family values.

15 and 17; both high achievers and hardworking. D followed by S.

We chose a more modest home in the best school district we could afford and we don’t drive luxury vehicles; preferring to put the $$ saved into college funds. We also pay 100% for our vehicles (no loans). Will have house payed off b/f kids finish college.

It is really all about values.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^
Two things I forgot to acknowledge.

-Yes, of course money can help. The music lessons alone costs thousands every thousands every year.

-He is only 9 and I know we have a long way to go, but just sharing what’s been helpful so far.

99% of 9 year olds are great kids

That’s not been my experience, and I work at an elementary school so I have seen hundreds of little kids over the past few years. That is, most 9 year olds are great kids sure, but their behavior is NOT great.

Anonymous wrote:^
Two things I forgot to acknowledge.

-Yes, of course money can help. The music lessons alone costs thousands every thousands every year.

-He is only 9 and I know we have a long way to go, but just sharing what’s been helpful so far.

99% of 9 year olds are great kids

^
Two things I forgot to acknowledge.

-Yes, of course money can help. The music lessons alone costs thousands every thousands every year.

-He is only 9 and I know we have a long way to go, but just sharing what’s been helpful so far.

Other people sometimes ask what I’m doing with my son, who is excited to learn, polite to adults, an hard worker and a great reader. I always demure and say “Oh but your kid is great because xyz!” but I will share with DCUM: He was born pretty easygoing and happy. He was always going to be a sensitive and bright kid. He had tantrums and meltdowns like any other kid, but we did not give in to them, and we helped him harness his energy (ADHD?) into appropriate channels.

Things I do think helped:

Having him to join things from a young age including team sports- has taught him how to make friends and be part of a group. He is comfortable in new situations now (which I never am myself!).

Putting him in music and enforcing daily practice. I attend every 40 minute lesson and take copious notes, even have my own copy of the music so we can practice together. - has taught him how to tackle hard things and stick with something in the long term.

Zero screens from birth until preschool, and even now at 9 yo he averages maybe a couple of hours per month. He does work on an iPad at school, nothing I can realistically do about that. Letting him be bored at home, in the waiting room, on airplanes, etc has helped so much.

Filling the house with books. We have over 1,000 books and read a lot. He knows how to sit in silence. He is never bored.

Having one meal, no “kids’ food.” He can and will eat anything. Same with cultural events and restaurants. He can sit through a fancy restaurant 10 course meal or a piano concert and enjoy both, simply because we have exposed him to those things and normalized them.

My 20 and 15 year old kids have always had lovely personalities, high IQs and are growing into responsible adults.

BUT

Oldest has autism and ADHD with low processing speed. I am expecting that he will be fired from some jobs because he's so slow and forgetful. He will need to find an understanding workplace who values his intellectual contributions despite the low productivity.

Youngest has a serious chronic autoimmune disorder she will have to deal with. I hope she can work as an adult and not be too disabled. She's quick-witted and very functional apart from when she gets flares from her disease.

Our genes were handed down and led to these mental and physical diagnoses. There was a birth incident for DC1, but also plenty of genetic predispositions to ADHD and autism in the family, so I can't say for sure how much the birth incident played into his symptoms. It clearly didn't help.

If so...how much is family culture, nature vs nurture, community, luck, SES?

What makes your kids great IYO?

Age, gender and birth order of your kids.