Anonymous wrote:What specifically do you need spouse to help with? Can any of that be outsourced so you have more time for yourself?

I’d honestly just like him to keep me company and maybe drive a kid to sports on occasion.

To answer another PP, youngest is 14. So close, but not that close.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

OP here. Yes I work 20 hours a week and frankly it’s the best part of my day.

What specifically do you need spouse to help with? Can any of that be outsourced so you have more time for yourself?

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

I only allowed my kids to do one activity and not in the same season. One did fall soccer and the other did spring lacrosse. That's it. Nothing else except summer camp which I needed for child care. I'm a single mom and so was my mom. She had the same rule for me and my brother.

I also taught my kids how to cook basic meals from elementary school. I'm a teacher and Thursday and Friday nights are my total exhaustion nights. One kid would make dinner on Thursday and the other on Friday. Some nights were also "make your own dinner" nights. They are both in college now and are very self sufficient with everything.

How old is your youngest kid?

I feel you. My kids are generally appreciative and pleasant to be around (and I’m thankful for that) but I’m just so bored/busy/tired (from staying up late to drive them places and waking up early to drive them other places). As my oldest is closing in on driving age I’m trying to just be appreciative of that time in the car together because soon I know I’ll be a different kind of lonely. As much as I enjoy these adult-like people they are becoming, it’s a lot less rewarding and fun than when they were little.

Anonymous wrote:Me again, re: takeout- no is a complete sentence and your kids can learn this.

Eh, I disagree. Why shouldn't OP make life easier for herself and enjoy it more? Don't cook food no one is going to eat, and instead, she can decide what's for takeout.

Think of ways to tweak the time you have:
—create a group Spotify playlist you only play when you’re driving to/from activities and anyone can add songs
—if you have to stay at the activities instead of drop off/pickup then start a new hobby like crochet, or treat yourself to some books or magazines you like
—find a time every week that’s just for family. Like Sunday 11am, farmers market or a coffee shop.

My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

OP here. Kids hear no on takeout plenty, They accept the answer - doesn’t stop them from asking the next time.

Yeah, I’m pretty frustrated with spouse. He knows this. He claims he’s trying to work less but it’s not always possible. It’s been going on forever (law firm) - I like him as a person and like him when we are together but I don’t like the burden on me because of his absence. And he is totally dismissive when I try to explain other families don’t live like this.

Me again, re: takeout- no is a complete sentence and your kids can learn this.

I think the lack of spousal support/company is what's hurting you, OP. My husband has been traveling lately for weeks at a time and it is very lonely and tiring when he is gone. It's not the kids themselves or their ages. I love the people my kids are becoming, and when my spouse is present I really enjoy this stage.

It's tough, OP, and some of these things are hard to avoid. But...personally I wouldn't stand for the requests for take-out. I'd give them a small take-out budget for the month (including all fees) and let them to decide when and where to use it. Beyond that, the only take-out happens if and when you choose. (And especially none if they're harassing you for it.)

Gosh it feels like such a slog. Constant driving, listening to vents/dramas/complaints, cooking food no one is around to eat, but then also being constantly asked for takeout food, my evenings don’t really belong to me. I’m simultaneously too busy to do much for myself, yet totally bored and lonely. Spouse works a ton and helps where he can but, ugh. They tell me thanks and that I am appreciated but I don’t actually feel appreciated.

I know I will be sad when they are gone, I know. But is there any way to actually enjoy this? Because I’m not.