Anonymous wrote:No, speaking from experience.

No, same

Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Addictive personalities don't change. The only thing that changes is the area of unhealthy hyperfocus: he's already gone from alcohol to food to exercise. What's next? Sex? Gambling? Drugs? Extreme sports? Old man soccer? Sudoku? Anything can become a problem if you devote excessive time and energy to it, to the detriment of your other connections and responsibilities.

No way.

He doesn't sound like a real alcoholic.

Sounds more like one of those types who wants to have some malady to get sympathy about.

Everyone has been blackout drunk before, every single person in college has at least a few times.

It's only a problem if they do it regularly enough that it affects their health.

Daily drinking is also bad. Stick to 1 or 2 days a week to have a few.

Absolutely not

-child of alcoholic who i still have to manage in his late 70s

As someone who has multiple “recovered” addicts in her family, NO. The odds of relapsing are high and they typically go from one addiction to another (alcohol to sex, alcohol to work addiction, alcohol to gambling or reckless stock market trading).

Absolutely not

No, speaking from experience.

Anonymous wrote:Job issues and family stress from young kids are more likely to be issues than simply missing exercise.

Kids can be noisy, exasperating, prefer one parent over the other, expensive to support, etc.

Op here. I mention the exercise because that's one thing he's been doing to fill his free time instead of going out to bars

NO.

I know people who have been sober for decades - but relapse is always a possibility and stress is a major trigger. Does he know why he became an alcoholic and food addict? Was it childhood trauma? Because all of that gets triggered while raising children and he has to have clear plans for coping with triggers and not repeating negative patterns.

Obviously it’s a risk. But most people have baggage and marrying someone who hasn’t even acknowledged his yet and might have no capacity to work a 12 step program and hold themselves accountable is worse to find yourself in than being with someone who knows how to work on himself.

NOPE. Would not get mixed up with someone with those issues. Leave that to a woman who is desperate for male company and drama.

Job issues and family stress from young kids are more likely to be issues than simply missing exercise.

Kids can be noisy, exasperating, prefer one parent over the other, expensive to support, etc.

He's so sweet,kind, funny and intelligent and I feel more comfortable with him than I have with any man. He's also not bad on the eyes.

But he's admittedly an alcoholic.

He's talked about being blackout drunk before.

He first quit drinking 8 years ago relapsed after 2 years and then immediately recommitted to sobriety and has been sober now for 4 years.

Along with the alcohol addiction was a food addiction food for boredom and comfort.

He's lost a ton of weight through exercise and change in eating habits and if course no longer drinking..

I don't know some specifics such as what lead to the alcohol and food dependency or what triggered the relapse.
I do know he's changed the circle he was in and his social circle now is people into fitness and healthy living.

I guess my concern is relapse when building a life together with children when he's not able to work out as often because of family responsibilities does that energy go back to drinking or drinking to cope with stress of family life?