Anonymous wrote:Being assertive isn't being upset. You can calmly maintain boundaries

This is what I was trying to get at in 7:54. OP, were you conditioned by your parents not to speak up, say if a restaurant messed up your order? If so, being "upset" was the only way left to express yourself, you likely watched them being upset about how unfair/stupid things were, and you may think everything happens TO you. Some things just happen. It's okay to say excuse me, I requested the butter on the side, and it's okay to say you earned the leave.

You already earned your day off. It’s part of your compensation. Don’t ask, tell.

I don't. My boss is not a people person. If I quit, or anyone else did in the next five minutes, he couldn't care less.

I do, in person and over email. But I work in a situation where many of us kind of take turns being the boss so it's more like a colleague who is currently sitting in the boss' chair.

I do, but I also have him on speed dial. He is very good at calming people down.
I'm about to take another 6 months off. I can do it because he wants me back be it for a month.
How valuable are you to the company? I save my boss a lot of money by just being there.

Being assertive isn't being upset. You can calmly maintain boundaries

"Upset" seems like the wrong emotion here. Your issue seems more fundamental like perhaps you see yourself as less than the other coworkers. Work on believing you are equally entitled to a day off for a break, house repair, fun trip, or medical appointment as anyone else.

There may have been a logistical reason you couldn't get that one day off that has nothing to do with a comparison to your coworkers. I wouldn't bring them into it at all. If your request is rejected again, focus on you have earned the leave, which day out of a couple choices works best for you boss? (Assuming the reason you need it off is a bit flexible on timing.) But for you to speak up, you may need to convince yourself first (see above).

You need to speak up. Otherwise, have fun being the doormat forever.

I am very much a doormat. I never say no etc and obviously I have bottled up emotions and anxiety from this.


Every one of my coworkers have days off except for me. I asked once and got turned down but really need to ask again for only 1 day off.
If I get turned down, do you think I should just be my doormat self or actually speak up *politely*.