Anonymous
09/03/2025 10:42
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I felt the same a few years back when a colleague kept missing work because of her young kids, and all her responsibilities fell on me. I checked myself because I worked with four kids, all of whom are now grown and remember what it was like.
What upset me most about the colleague was that she was very entitled and never showed any gratitude. We differed because I understood the burden I placed on my colleagues and showed gratitude, yet she never seemed to care.
Said that to say, could your colleague's approach be what's bothering you rather than her illness?
Yes, I don’t blame her for being chronically ill. I don’t even blame her for not taking time off. I am bothered that she is reluctant to use any tech supports to avoid the errors and resistant to asking for reasonable accommodations. I recognize that she feels very self-conscious and vulnerable. There never seems to be a good time or gentle way to discuss the ways in which I can support her without being overly impacted myself.
That is a totally fair thing to be frustrated about. I don't think your situation and hers are analogous.
Anonymous
09/02/2025 22:31
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I felt the same a few years back when a colleague kept missing work because of her young kids, and all her responsibilities fell on me. I checked myself because I worked with four kids, all of whom are now grown and remember what it was like.
What upset me most about the colleague was that she was very entitled and never showed any gratitude. We differed because I understood the burden I placed on my colleagues and showed gratitude, yet she never seemed to care.
Said that to say, could your colleague's approach be what's bothering you rather than her illness?
Yes, I don’t blame her for being chronically ill. I don’t even blame her for not taking time off. I am bothered that she is reluctant to use any tech supports to avoid the errors and resistant to asking for reasonable accommodations. I recognize that she feels very self-conscious and vulnerable. There never seems to be a good time or gentle way to discuss the ways in which I can support her without being overly impacted myself.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 19:37
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Hmm, I felt the same a few years back when a colleague kept missing work because of her young kids, and all her responsibilities fell on me. I checked myself because I worked with four kids, all of whom are now grown and remember what it was like.
What upset me most about the colleague was that she was very entitled and never showed any gratitude. We differed because I understood the burden I placed on my colleagues and showed gratitude, yet she never seemed to care.
Said that to say, could your colleague's approach be what's bothering you rather than her illness?
What upset me most about the colleague was that she was very entitled and never showed any gratitude. We differed because I understood the burden I placed on my colleagues and showed gratitude, yet she never seemed to care.
Said that to say, could your colleague's approach be what's bothering you rather than her illness?
Anonymous
08/30/2025 19:24
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
It’s not her you’re mad at. It’s really the situation—don’t beat yourself up because your organization is running too lean to absorb the costs that come with people being people.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 19:24
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Imagine working more and getting paid the same or even less than co-workers. That was me.
You are simply making up for what they did for you. My co-workers wouldn't do anything extra unless they got paid.
My work ethic, health, and abilities got me to financial freedom fast. Doing their job for free irked me, but I had bigger plans.
I would not switch places with any of them.
They have their reasons for working less. The same reason probably that won't let them get ahead.
You are simply making up for what they did for you. My co-workers wouldn't do anything extra unless they got paid.
My work ethic, health, and abilities got me to financial freedom fast. Doing their job for free irked me, but I had bigger plans.
I would not switch places with any of them.
They have their reasons for working less. The same reason probably that won't let them get ahead.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 19:10
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Anonymous wrote:Here's your pass, OP.
Congratulations on being self-aware enough to be identify your feelings and emotions.
You're a good sort.
+1 Refreshing.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 19:03
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
I really appreciate the understanding and advice. Thank you.
OP
OP
Anonymous
08/30/2025 18:16
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
I think this is totally normal. But you can also take a minute and step back to appreciate those who were probably in your spot when you were out sick. You also shouldn't be a martyr. If your body cannot keep up with all this added work, you need to not step up so much. Or take a day off. Or find a new job. Running yourself into the ground when you're still recovering does no one any good.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 18:09
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Here's your pass, OP.
Congratulations on being self-aware enough to be identify your feelings and emotions.
You're a good sort.
Congratulations on being self-aware enough to be identify your feelings and emotions.
You're a good sort.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 18:01
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Are you fuming to the actual person? It doesn't sound like you are. You're allowed to be frustrated. The important part isn't that you police your feelings constantly, it's that you're not a jerk.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 17:55
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
Anonymous wrote:A few years ago, I was dying. Not hyperbole. I was hospitalized for weeks twice and then didn’t work for eight months. When I came back, I had significant fatigue and memory issues for another six months. I wouldn’t have kept my job during that time except for the kindness and generosity of my coworkers.
I’m doing much better despite after effects from chemo. My coworkers value me as someone pulling my weight. When I can, I try to help any coworker experiencing critical health issues, whether or not they helped me.
But now I am a hypocrite because I’m fuming about working on holiday weekend yet again because my coworker with a chronic illness is unable to focus during meetings and makes errors that impact everyone else.
I know her condition is serious and she doesn’t have short-term disability to pay her during FMLA, but I’m not sure I have the physical or emotional stamina to keep this up.
It’s hard for me to manage the guilt I feel and reclaim at least part of my long weekends.
I would be frustrated, but this is a good chance to pay it forward.
Anonymous
08/30/2025 15:18
Subject: I am a hypocrite (but also empathy fatigue is real real)
A few years ago, I was dying. Not hyperbole. I was hospitalized for weeks twice and then didn’t work for eight months. When I came back, I had significant fatigue and memory issues for another six months. I wouldn’t have kept my job during that time except for the kindness and generosity of my coworkers.
I’m doing much better despite after effects from chemo. My coworkers value me as someone pulling my weight. When I can, I try to help any coworker experiencing critical health issues, whether or not they helped me.
But now I am a hypocrite because I’m fuming about working on holiday weekend yet again because my coworker with a chronic illness is unable to focus during meetings and makes errors that impact everyone else.
I know her condition is serious and she doesn’t have short-term disability to pay her during FMLA, but I’m not sure I have the physical or emotional stamina to keep this up.
It’s hard for me to manage the guilt I feel and reclaim at least part of my long weekends.
I’m doing much better despite after effects from chemo. My coworkers value me as someone pulling my weight. When I can, I try to help any coworker experiencing critical health issues, whether or not they helped me.
But now I am a hypocrite because I’m fuming about working on holiday weekend yet again because my coworker with a chronic illness is unable to focus during meetings and makes errors that impact everyone else.
I know her condition is serious and she doesn’t have short-term disability to pay her during FMLA, but I’m not sure I have the physical or emotional stamina to keep this up.
It’s hard for me to manage the guilt I feel and reclaim at least part of my long weekends.