Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:24     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:I’m really struggling here because my parents suck, but the kids other set of grandparents are amazing. My in-laws are helping us with the grandkids every way possible and they constantly visiting to help take care of our kids. They absolutely adore the grandkids, and provide significant financial support. They are willing to do anything to help us and support the grandkids. However, my parents are basically useless and they provide no help, but my parents are somehow under the impression that they are great grandparents. They only come to visit for short trips and don’t actually help much with taking care of the kids. My parents basically just want pictures to show their friends. After my baby was born my dad booked a hotel that was no where near where I was staying, and only visited the kids for 3 hours over the weekend. He spent most of the time traveling, and he even mentioned he is actually going on a week long vacation immediately after visiting my kids. This made me very angry because he clearly doesn’t prioritize the grandkids at all. My mother is not much better and she basically comes to visit only to see them without actually considering when we need really help. This situation has been very frustrating because my side of family contributes almost nothing to help with the grandkids and my in-laws are absolutely amazing people. The in-laws are very nice to me, but they are quite annoyed that my family does not even try to be helpful. The in-laws have never explicitly told me this, but I can tell they dislike my parents. The worst part of this situation is I completely understand why they feel this way because I would also dislike my kids in-laws if they acted similarly to my parents. It’s honestly gotten to the point where I’m not sure if I want them to visit at all because it just makes me angry how much they suck as grandparents.


Your in-laws' dislike of your parent comes from the information you feed them.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:24     Subject: Re:My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:23     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws are completely out of line if they're judging your parents. That's rude. Providing help when you're a grandparent should not come with strings attached, like expectations that the other side will pitch in at a similar level.

I understand that you are disappointed in your parents, because you're their child and you had expectations. But ultimately your parents are free to live how they want. Similarly, you are free to tell them that they're not as present as your in-laws, and *you are also free to not help your parents when they're old and decrepit*.





I actually agree with them. My parents are selfish and arrogant. It’s not rude to be frustrated because the other grandparents are terrible.


PP you replied to. Then you're wrong.

Your parents are not terrible. They may well be self-centered and clueless, but they don't owe you babysitting or financial support.

Also don't complain about your parents to your in-laws too often. It puts them in a delicate position. If they agree with you, they're rude, and if they don't, they know you will turn around and complain about them.

You don't sound very mature. Your children are yours to manage, OP. None of my grandparents helped with my care or visit often, yet they were still affectionate grandparents. My parents did visit and help for my kids, but very briefly. My in-laws did not, and I don't hold it against them. We have always paid for everything to do with our children. Your expectations are way off.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:22     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
You are not entitled to help. Be thankful for the awesome grandparents your kids do have.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:21     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are expecting too much from your parents. Parents aren't there to help with your kids or pay for your kids. If you get that from even one side, you've won the lotto.


I am expecting too much of them to be involved or even care about my grandkids at all?? That seems like a very low bar. I was not expecting them to do everything for me, but they are not even making an effort at all. I cannot rely on them for literally anything and they have the nerve to suggest that I should spend money on a nanny when they can’t even come for the weekend (occasionally) to help out. Thats fine if they don’t have money to help out, but they should. criticize me for not spending 4K+ a month on childcare when they are unwilling to help.


Yeah, helping out is expecting too much. You are expecting them to do stuff for you. Find a new backup childcare.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:20     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Where you always this rotten child? Maybe your parents are showing what you really are.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:19     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws are completely out of line if they're judging your parents. That's rude. Providing help when you're a grandparent should not come with strings attached, like expectations that the other side will pitch in at a similar level.

I understand that you are disappointed in your parents, because you're their child and you had expectations. But ultimately your parents are free to live how they want. Similarly, you are free to tell them that they're not as present as your in-laws, and *you are also free to not help your parents when they're old and decrepit*.





Her inlaws aren't saying or doing anything but being wonderful.

OP, my parents are useless and I have fantastic inlaws. Considering the inlaws a blessing and just accept your parents for what they are.

Long term, we have a much, much closer relationship to my inlaws. I've cared for them while ill, and even moved my FIL for hospice before he passed so he would be comfortable. I would never, ever provide this sort of labor to my parents. I don't care for them, they manage their own health and even in old age, they are in assisted living/nursing homes with care with dementia because I will not get entangled in things. They have Medicaid and burned through their money so they are set.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:16     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Accept who they are and let go of any expectations.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:14     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws are completely out of line if they're judging your parents. That's rude. Providing help when you're a grandparent should not come with strings attached, like expectations that the other side will pitch in at a similar level.

I understand that you are disappointed in your parents, because you're their child and you had expectations. But ultimately your parents are free to live how they want. Similarly, you are free to tell them that they're not as present as your in-laws, and *you are also free to not help your parents when they're old and decrepit*.





I actually agree with them. My parents are selfish and arrogant. It’s not rude to be frustrated because the other grandparents are terrible.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:10     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:You are expecting too much from your parents. Parents aren't there to help with your kids or pay for your kids. If you get that from even one side, you've won the lotto.


I am expecting too much of them to be involved or even care about my grandkids at all?? That seems like a very low bar. I was not expecting them to do everything for me, but they are not even making an effort at all. I cannot rely on them for literally anything and they have the nerve to suggest that I should spend money on a nanny when they can’t even come for the weekend (occasionally) to help out. Thats fine if they don’t have money to help out, but they should. criticize me for not spending 4K+ a month on childcare when they are unwilling to help.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:10     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Your in-laws are completely out of line if they're judging your parents. That's rude. Providing help when you're a grandparent should not come with strings attached, like expectations that the other side will pitch in at a similar level.

I understand that you are disappointed in your parents, because you're their child and you had expectations. But ultimately your parents are free to live how they want. Similarly, you are free to tell them that they're not as present as your in-laws, and *you are also free to not help your parents when they're old and decrepit*.



Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:09     Subject: Re:My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
You can't worry about what your ILs think of your parents. Nor can you fix it. Just show them how much you appreciate them and give them preference when it comes to holidays, etc. It doesn't sound like your parents will care anyway.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:07     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
Anonymous wrote:I’m really struggling here because my parents suck, but the kids other set of grandparents are amazing. My in-laws are helping us with the grandkids every way possible and they constantly visiting to help take care of our kids. They absolutely adore the grandkids, and provide significant financial support. They are willing to do anything to help us and support the grandkids. However, my parents are basically useless and they provide no help, but my parents are somehow under the impression that they are great grandparents. They only come to visit for short trips and don’t actually help much with taking care of the kids. My parents basically just want pictures to show their friends. After my baby was born my dad booked a hotel that was no where near where I was staying, and only visited the kids for 3 hours over the weekend. He spent most of the time traveling, and he even mentioned he is actually going on a week long vacation immediately after visiting my kids. This made me very angry because he clearly doesn’t prioritize the grandkids at all. My mother is not much better and she basically comes to visit only to see them without actually considering when we need really help. This situation has been very frustrating because my side of family contributes almost nothing to help with the grandkids and my in-laws are absolutely amazing people. The in-laws are very nice to me, but they are quite annoyed that my family does not even try to be helpful. The in-laws have never explicitly told me this, but I can tell they dislike my parents. The worst part of this situation is I completely understand why they feel this way because I would also dislike my kids in-laws if they acted similarly to my parents. It’s honestly gotten to the point where I’m not sure if I want them to visit at all because it just makes me angry how much they suck as grandparents.


I'm sorry, OP. In situations like this, I found the most peace when I accept people as they are. It's so frustrating when expectations don't line up with reality. Can you drop all expectations that your parents will be helpful grandparents? It's unlikely they will change. Try to appreciate whatever good they bring. At least it doesn't sound like you are financially supporting your parents? That's better than some of us in the sandwich generation.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:04     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
You are expecting too much from your parents. Parents aren't there to help with your kids or pay for your kids. If you get that from even one side, you've won the lotto.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2025 13:03     Subject: My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(
I’m really struggling here because my parents suck, but the kids other set of grandparents are amazing. My in-laws are helping us with the grandkids every way possible and they constantly visiting to help take care of our kids. They absolutely adore the grandkids, and provide significant financial support. They are willing to do anything to help us and support the grandkids. However, my parents are basically useless and they provide no help, but my parents are somehow under the impression that they are great grandparents. They only come to visit for short trips and don’t actually help much with taking care of the kids. My parents basically just want pictures to show their friends. After my baby was born my dad booked a hotel that was no where near where I was staying, and only visited the kids for 3 hours over the weekend. He spent most of the time traveling, and he even mentioned he is actually going on a week long vacation immediately after visiting my kids. This made me very angry because he clearly doesn’t prioritize the grandkids at all. My mother is not much better and she basically comes to visit only to see them without actually considering when we need really help. This situation has been very frustrating because my side of family contributes almost nothing to help with the grandkids and my in-laws are absolutely amazing people. The in-laws are very nice to me, but they are quite annoyed that my family does not even try to be helpful. The in-laws have never explicitly told me this, but I can tell they dislike my parents. The worst part of this situation is I completely understand why they feel this way because I would also dislike my kids in-laws if they acted similarly to my parents. It’s honestly gotten to the point where I’m not sure if I want them to visit at all because it just makes me angry how much they suck as grandparents.