Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You say it’s normal, she is going to have a great first day, and you move on to another topic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You can still validate her feelings, but instead of reassuring her that everything will be fine, remind her that even if things aren't fine, she's gotten through hard things before and can do hard things again.

THIS. My dd was super nervous about the transition to HS and to be honest, it wasn’t a great year. A lot of long time friends ditched her, but she did have a group of nice girls to hang out with. She just couldn’t relax all year. But now she’s about to be a senior and is super happy. The truth is that you can’t promise everything is going to be fine, and the right clothes and supplies doesn’t mean things will be ok. Just listen to her and remind her you’ll be there, but you believe she can handle the ups and downs of life.

And be glad she's talking to you about it! I wouldn't be dismissive, but, as others have said, remind her that it's normal to be nervous about new things and she'll get used to it quickly. Also maybe remind her that sometimes anticipation and excitement feels like nerves.

I always told my kids that it’s totally normal to feel nervous about starting at a new school, but also reminded them that it will become normal and routine very quickly.

No way to ease them. she just has to go through it. You helped her develop the tools she needs to manage and she will.

My freshman daughter got her schedule today and was upset she has a couple classes where she doesn’t have at least one friend. I just reminded her everyone is in the same boat as she is. When she told me I didn’t understand I told her my parents plunked me into a private all girls school where I literally knew no one and I survived and ended up having a great time and made lifelong friends.

Anonymous wrote:DD14 is very anxious about the first day of high school. She’s having recurring dreams, comes to me at least once a day to say “I’m so nervous, mom!”, etc.

Facts, FWIW:

She’s going to school with the exact same kids she’s gone to school with since 5th grade, no new kids join

The first day is just for freshman

We’ve gotten her hair cut, bought a first day of school outfit, got the backpack and supplies she wanted, new shoes, everything possible to make her feel comfortable

We walk through the school tomorrow

I’ve sat and reassured her, we’ve walked through scenarios that make her nervous, etc.

From those who have BTDT, is there anything else I can do, or is this just something she has to endure?

The "new kids" are all the kids older than her.

She is worried about not getting a Sr. or Jr. boyfriend and scared of all the other girls getting older bf's and her being left out.

She might also be worried about older girls picking on her, or being mad if the boys the older girls like, end up liking her instead. Causes lots of fights and bullying among girls that age.

Tell her to go for a walk/run around the block each time she says she's nervous.

Sometimes when my kids spiral I have to remind them to change the subject in their minds. So I listen for a bit, but if its the 6 trillionth time, then it's time for distractions. At that age I'm really explicit- as in "I hear what you're saying, now lets do something to get your mind off of it."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You can still validate her feelings, but instead of reassuring her that everything will be fine, remind her that even if things aren't fine, she's gotten through hard things before and can do hard things again.

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

Have a Fall activity. Join something. Have a group. There still may be a Fall sport that needs players.

Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

Don’t over talk it. You already did more than enough. Just remind her that everyone feels the same.

DD14 is very anxious about the first day of high school. She’s having recurring dreams, comes to me at least once a day to say “I’m so nervous, mom!”, etc.

Facts, FWIW:

She’s going to school with the exact same kids she’s gone to school with since 5th grade, no new kids join

The first day is just for freshman

We’ve gotten her hair cut, bought a first day of school outfit, got the backpack and supplies she wanted, new shoes, everything possible to make her feel comfortable

We walk through the school tomorrow

I’ve sat and reassured her, we’ve walked through scenarios that make her nervous, etc.

From those who have BTDT, is there anything else I can do, or is this just something she has to endure?