Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?

Hi Grandma! More than half of my friends make more than their husbands. There are your average finance or CFO types that make more and live modestly. And then there are three very high earning women with "house husbands." They earn million+ each year and their husbands don't work.

I'm guessing you don't know many successful people and don't live in an expensive neighborhood. Probably not even in the DC area. Otherwise you would know better. But kudos for trying to stir some $hite up on your first day without the kids home.

All of my friends know not to generalize from their friend group, because of selection bias.

Anonymous wrote:So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?

Hi Grandma! More than half of my friends make more than their husbands. There are your average finance or CFO types that make more and live modestly. And then there are three very high earning women with "house husbands." They earn million+ each year and their husbands don't work.

I'm guessing you don't know many successful people and don't live in an expensive neighborhood. Probably not even in the DC area. Otherwise you would know better. But kudos for trying to stir some $hite up on your first day without the kids home.

IME as a lesbian who knows a lot of queer people - most, but not all, young females identifying as trans males are not actually interested in being “traditional” family supporting breadwinner HOHs and aren’t thinking about future children. They just don’t want to be (seen as) women or it is a coping mechanism for experiencing some form of internalized misogyny.

But guess what, a lot of young cisgender heterosexual males and females aren’t thinking much about that either.
It may change as they get older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?

External appearance is the first step because it allows other people to see them the way they see and feel themselves.

Career and life choices are not biologically driven ftmp--they are social constructs, and it is gender essentialism that women need soft work and men need more complex work.

Okay, so now you may ask, isn't being trans essentially gender essentialism...and the answer is no. It is probably more appropriate to use outdated terms like transsexual. Sex hormones drive the dysphoria, not ephemeral feelings about wanting to grow a beard or wear dresses.

It's complicated. Hopefully you are open, really open to hearing from trans people's experiences.

NP but can you elaborate in the bolded. I do sometimes think being trans can become a form of gender essentialism, especially MTF because there is often such an emphasis on a highly feminine presentation. This is something I struggle with when dealing with conflicts between support for trans people and certain aspects of my feminism.

Can you elaborate in what you mean above or point me to easy-to-read resources in the subject?

Forgive me if I insult anyone. I'm so stupid on this subject.
Does a transgender mean they completely changed their private parts or only their appearance?

I don’t know. I’ll ask my friend whose trans son is currently at Harvard if she thinks he’ll be able to support his family after med school.

Anonymous wrote:So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?

a lot of men don't support households fully, and frankly that's some bizarre and outdated understanding.

Anonymous wrote:And to add, while trans is NOT sexuality, think about same-sex couples who have to navigate the socially constructed roles of gender--they make it workk based on their personalities, NOT their genders/sex

It's actually wonderful to be in a marriage that is absent of gender expectations. It enables communication and a commitment to common objectives (depending on the time and context of events that are happening in life).

But what is the point of this post, OP? Is it a dig at trans men? Is it a genuine question? Lots of couples are out here deconstructing gender roles, day in and day out, and to the benefit of our family.

"Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will"

You should head over to the "any men ever walk away from their family" thread. No one expects men to support their spouse and kids these days. Because they dont.

Anonymous wrote:So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?

What the heck did I just read? Being a man is when you're the breadwinner? Men that doesn't make enough to buy a house are now women.

I know plenty of Households where the female is the money maker and or in charge.

There is no written rule men are bread winners always or in charge of a relationship.

Your premise is raging Christian Nationalist vibes. Project 2025 vibes on how families need to be which is absurdly bad .


Women are in charge of more households than men. Anyone who decided to change their gender doesn’t think about old fashioned gender regulations put on society by white Christian fools.

And to add, while trans is NOT sexuality, think about same-sex couples who have to navigate the socially constructed roles of gender--they make it workk based on their personalities, NOT their genders/sex

Anonymous wrote:So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?

External appearance is the first step because it allows other people to see them the way they see and feel themselves.

Career and life choices are not biologically driven ftmp--they are social constructs, and it is gender essentialism that women need soft work and men need more complex work.

Okay, so now you may ask, isn't being trans essentially gender essentialism...and the answer is no. It is probably more appropriate to use outdated terms like transsexual. Sex hormones drive the dysphoria, not ephemeral feelings about wanting to grow a beard or wear dresses.

It's complicated. Hopefully you are open, really open to hearing from trans people's experiences.

I would love to know, too.

So a young person born female feels so adamant about the strictness of gender that they have to change genders to accommodate who they feel they are inside. Fine. Are they also expecting to support a spouse and kids the way society expects that men will? Are they making career and life choices that realistically allow that to happen?

If not what aspects of being “male” are they embracing besides external appearance?