Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Well she probably didn't invite you because it would be difficult for her mom to observe your close relationship, and that in turn would make your DIL's life more difficult.

You can choose to be a pain about this and lose your good relationship, or you can choose to play the long game and say nothing. You are entitled to nothing here and trying to play Emily Post Wedding Rulebook will get you nowhere.

She asked if I got along w her mom and I said yes. The MOMS get along.

That's not the point. She and her mom don't have a good relationship and she doesn't want you there in an intimate setting to witness it. It's not because she thinks you'll get in a fight with her mom. It's because not being close with her mom is already stressful for her and having you there would make it more so.

Again, there is zero rule or norm about future MILs participating in this, so you have no right to anything no matter how good your relationship is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Well she probably didn't invite you because it would be difficult for her mom to observe your close relationship, and that in turn would make your DIL's life more difficult.

You can choose to be a pain about this and lose your good relationship, or you can choose to play the long game and say nothing. You are entitled to nothing here and trying to play Emily Post Wedding Rulebook will get you nowhere.

She asked if I got along w her mom and I said yes. The MOMS get along.

That’s normal.

OP, when my sons get married, I have a long weekend trip planned to get a mother of the groom dress that is appropriate. I don’t expect to be included in the bride’s preparations. If she invites me, I’d be honored but not offended if she doesn’t.

I remember my aunt wanted to be invited to her son’s fiancé‘s wedding dress shopping and the fiancé obliged graciously. It turned out to be a bad thing because the bride really got stressed because she couldn’t find a dress she liked, and I think having to manage that in front of her future mother-in-law was harder for her. It’s probably better that you not go.

Typically it's the bride's mom and a bridesmaid. I did invite my future MIL. She didn't want to go and I was a bit bummed, but now I'm glad she didn't. It was stressful. I think I tried on 50 dresses at least.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Well she probably didn't invite you because it would be difficult for her mom to observe your close relationship, and that in turn would make your DIL's life more difficult.

You can choose to be a pain about this and lose your good relationship, or you can choose to play the long game and say nothing. You are entitled to nothing here and trying to play Emily Post Wedding Rulebook will get you nowhere.

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules. You need to take a deep breath and play the long game here.

Yep

OP you are the grooms mother, right? This is usually a brides side thing. Her mother, aunt and cousin? Sounds right. Go tux shopping.

I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

There are no rules. You need to take a deep breath and play the long game here.

I just went with my mom. One of the first dresses I tried, <800. That's how we shop. I wouldn't have wanted to make it fussier. That's my idea of a nightmare.

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules about any of this, OP.

I shopped for my wedding dress with my fiance. Are you horrified? We were living abroad and had no family nearby, which was a great thing, because having my mother there would have ruined the experience. I wouldn't have minded my MIL so much

not horrified. I shopped with my DD, her sister (and identical twin) and that was it. Once DH came along but he was bored out of his mind.

There are no rules about any of this, OP.

I shopped for my wedding dress with my fiance. Are you horrified? We were living abroad and had no family nearby, which was a great thing, because having my mother there would have ruined the experience. I wouldn't have minded my MIL so much

Who is typically invited?
My soon to be DIL invited her mom, mom's sister and her cousin. She has no sisters.
Only three can come with.
I'm slightly bummed but these people have been in her life a lot longer than I have been.