Anonymous wrote:My husband did. Took 2 yrs. to get to the truth which was that he was gay.

I think mine is but will never even admit it to himself. It’s sad for both of us.

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

My dad walked away from us too.

Same. Now mostly lives with and hangs out with other men and kids and family just aren't part of the picture anymore.

My husband did. Took 2 yrs. to get to the truth which was that he was gay.

Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

From what I understand, my husband is 1 of 3 kids. His dad had an affair, his mom found out about it, they divorced. He stayed and eventually married AP and had 2 more kids. Rarely talks to the first 3 these days.

Anonymous wrote:By walked away, what are we talking about? Moving out and refusing to contact you or the kids, or financially support any of you?

More like what the PP just wrote- do something bad, move away or temporarily relocated due to work or some other excuse, but everyone knows it’s really because they gave up, becomes a de facto separation, and then it’s up to the DW to initiate actual separation and divorce. So the coward’s way out.

I have a a friend who did this. His son is about 3 now. He sees him once a month, for a weekend, and usually with his mother (i.e. son's grandmother) nearby to help take care of the son. He gets along well with his ex, but just said parenting wasn't something for him, and it was the biggest mistake he's ever made.

My Dad. At least that's how I see it. He had an affair and confessed to my mom; the story is that she told him we had to move. He got another job out of state and we sold our family home, he moved us to the new state, and continued the affair long distance. My mom discovered this and told him he had to end it. He waffled, and she took us and left. We returned to our home state and slept on friend's couches for the summer until my mom got us settled. AP moved herself and her toddler son to my Dad's state, cut toddler off from his bio dad (yep she was special) and they played happy family. Sibling and I never lived with my Dad again. We visited for summers and the occasional weekends but this was the 80's and that was considered "good enough." For the longest time I tried to convince myself that these things happen, people are complicated, etc. Then I had my own kid who is now the age I was when my Dad essentially chose a new family, and I'm horrified.

So yeah, he wouldn't say he walked away. But I would.

By walked away, what are we talking about? Moving out and refusing to contact you or the kids, or financially support any of you?

My best friend’s dad did when she was in high school and her sibling was in middle school. High income family where everyone had grad degrees, so this wasn’t some poor teenage dad being a deadbeat.

It seemed like part of a bigger midlife crisis because he ended up marrying someone much younger, acting totally different, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Men who do that are so in denial that they would never give you a straight answer here. Most won’t even see themselves as having walked away.

On his death bed, my dad trashed the mothers of his four sets of kids even as we sat there trying to give him the best care and love. My SIL just quietly said “The common denominator was you.”

The bolded is really helpful. And your SIL is amazing. Someone married well.

Men who do that are so in denial that they would never give you a straight answer here. Most won’t even see themselves as having walked away.

On his death bed, my dad trashed the mothers of his four sets of kids even as we sat there trying to give him the best care and love. My SIL just quietly said “The common denominator was you.”

OP, please go to therapy if you hand the time and money. I understand the urge to understand, but you’ll drive yourself crazy. It doesn’t matter what the situation is.

BTDT.

I’m assuming no one would admit it. But maybe since it’s anonymous someone will chime in. Could you explain your thought process, if you have any regrets, and what might have stopped you on your way out?

(A DW asking, and yes, this is what my DH did, seemingly due to overwhelm/boredom with obligations)