Anonymous wrote:No, he has not been physical aside from throwing things a couple of times over nearly 20 years.

but he is scary when he is angry and my daughter once told me that when he is amgry with me, he talks bad about me on the car rides to school and said he makes a gesture wit his hands. I asked her to show me and She showed me what he does.

It’s him holding is two hands in front of him and moving them like he is choking someone.

THAT terrified me. I acted normal in front of her but called my Mom later and sobbed over it.

Talk to an attorney, see if they think that's enough get a restraining order. Also talk to a domestic violence hotline.

No, he has not been physical aside from throwing things a couple of times over nearly 20 years.

but he is scary when he is angry and my daughter once told me that when he is amgry with me, he talks bad about me on the car rides to school and said he makes a gesture wit his hands. I asked her to show me and She showed me what he does.

It’s him holding is two hands in front of him and moving them like he is choking someone.

THAT terrified me. I acted normal in front of her but called my Mom later and sobbed over it.

What does ballistic look like?

Yes, I dread him getting 50% custody but I am at the point of a nervous breakdown because of him.

My kids need me so it’s better that we split for them to have a healthy present mother over a walking zombie, which is how I feel living with him.

He can afford it for now but once he has to pay 50% child support, he won’t.

I can’t afford it. Lost work due to DOGE

He asked you to leave but will go ballistic if you do? Sounds like he wants you to leave and the kids stay..

Anyways.. Speak to an attorney.

You want the divorce, you leave.

Anonymous wrote:If I leave with the kids he will go ballistic.

I don’t want to do it by force because it will escalate things even worse.

and after I do file and officially present him with the papers, I know he will be enraged.

No way we can share a home after that happens. So this interim period, what do I do?

Do you have enough evidence to get a protective order? Like - can you legitimately prove fear of bodily injury? If so, I'd do that then serve him.

You need to speak with an attorney, even if it’s a consult to negotiate this, but no one should leave the house until there is a signed property settlement agreement that outlines the terms of the entire divorce. Who is staying in the house permanently who or are you selling the house and both getting new places can one of you afford to buy the other route? He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide that he gets the house: that’s done in negotiations.

Many people, especially in Northern Virginia live in the same house while they’re separated.

Anonymous wrote:Could this be a bargaining chip? If you agree to leave him in the house for now, he agrees to you taking the kids?

I left with my kids. Keeping custody was my number 1 priority, so the trade off was worth it. Your safety concerns might not be as extreme as mine were.

That agreement needs to be in writing and signed before either party moves out because otherwise it’s too great of a risk if things get ugly.

How old are the girls?

It is not his decision. You stay until terms are worked out in your agreement. Is he buying you out? Can you buy him out?

He will get 50% custody.

It boils down to who can afford to live in the house? My stbx had an affair so once discovered thankfully he knew he was in the wrong and moved out a year ago, but had continued to pay for the house still as we move through the divorce process. I'm really sorry yours is being petty. It is in the kids best interest for everyone to be as amicable as possible

If I leave with the kids he will go ballistic.

I don’t want to do it by force because it will escalate things even worse.

and after I do file and officially present him with the papers, I know he will be enraged.

No way we can share a home after that happens. So this interim period, what do I do?

Could this be a bargaining chip? If you agree to leave him in the house for now, he agrees to you taking the kids?

I left with my kids. Keeping custody was my number 1 priority, so the trade off was worth it. Your safety concerns might not be as extreme as mine were.

I know eventually the house will be a goner in the divorce.

But he refuses to leave and says I have to.

My kids are two girls who I know will prefer to be with me, given his anger issues.

For now, while we file and get the divorce finalized, who says who gets to stay or not? He told me I need to leave.

Would I have to leave then and find some cheap short term apartment?

I hear of other divorces where the Dad leaves so Mom and kids stay in house for least impact to kids until divorce and custody is sorted out.