I have a teen old boy who rarely makes A meets. Large team, lots of swimmers who swim year round 5 days a week, he’s just not as fast as they are. My son would beat girls if he swam against them and would be in the A meets based on his current times.

But most boys don’t want to win against girls just to win the race, that’s not something that they aspire to do because it’s winning no matter what. Most boys wouldn’t see that as an accomplishment. I don’t think any of of the boys who become trans girls/women are doing so just to dominate a sport. They really do feel like they are the other gender and they just want to be who they are.

Maybe they don’t need to be in professional sports, but these summer swim leagues are ref leagues—they’re not a small jump to the Olympics.

I get how you’re going for fair, I do, but I think it’s a lot more complicated than you think, and also it’s not up to you to make these decisions. Writing “boy” next to the kids name on the best sheet was uncalled for. There were many other ways to approach that without becoming a vigilante with a sharpie.

Anonymous wrote:While the child in the story is not mine, I do have a male 8u that participates in a ffx county NVSL swim league.

Since he was 2 he’s been obsessed with dresses/princesses/more categorically “girly” things. He wore dresses to preK. As he’s gotten older, he’s realized kids will make fun of him so now when he’s out and about, he dresses like any other “boy”. I know this likely isn’t the end of a journey for us. He may turn out cis, may be gay, may be trans.

While admittedly I’m a democrat and supportive of trans kids/trans rights, it’s much harder when it could be your own kid realizing the world isn’t kind to kids who are different.

What would you do if from the age of 2 your child came home bawling everyday that his friends who are girls could wear dresses and he couldn’t? That he wishes he wasn’t alive?

You don’t know this child, you don’t know the family. Neither do I. You don’t need to know the situation to be respectful. You told the referee and that’s where this should have stopped.

For the record, if my kid winds up trans I don’t think he should be swimming with girls.

I think he should be allowed to swim with boys but wear the girls suit (which im pretty sure isn’t allowed currently).

Agree with the bolded. I dont agree with males in female sports, but I would not bully a kid competing. Clearly someone told them it was ok to compete on the girls' team. I would have communicated with people in charge after the event to clarify the rules and then make my case if I didnt agree with them.

While the child in the story is not mine, I do have a male 8u that participates in a ffx county NVSL swim league.

Since he was 2 he’s been obsessed with dresses/princesses/more categorically “girly” things. He wore dresses to preK. As he’s gotten older, he’s realized kids will make fun of him so now when he’s out and about, he dresses like any other “boy”. I know this likely isn’t the end of a journey for us. He may turn out cis, may be gay, may be trans.

While admittedly I’m a democrat and supportive of trans kids/trans rights, it’s much harder when it could be your own kid realizing the world isn’t kind to kids who are different.

What would you do if from the age of 2 your child came home bawling everyday that his friends who are girls could wear dresses and he couldn’t? That he wishes he wasn’t alive?

You don’t know this child, you don’t know the family. Neither do I. You don’t need to know the situation to be respectful. You told the referee and that’s where this should have stopped.

For the record, if my kid winds up trans I don’t think he should be swimming with girls.

I think he should be allowed to swim with boys but wear the girls suit (which im pretty sure isn’t allowed currently).

Anonymous wrote:This statement is not doing you any favors. Scanning children’s bodies? Appalling.

This is a substantive criticism. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. He’s a child.

I come to exactly the opposite conclusion - because he's a child, he deserves so much more from the adults around him. All children, both boys and girls, deserve more from us. Let's restore fairness to girls' sports and remove the gender confusion that has destroyed so many children and their families.

Anonymous wrote:You were wrong about everything. You had zero authority to do what you did.

- long time swim mom who is against trans girls competing with cis gender girls.

You seem to agree with me on the underlying issue; if so, how can I be wrong about everything?

I address my authority (or lack thereof) to act here: Woodley Suspension>Luis'Account>Speaking to the Offending Team>My Thoughts.

I'd be interested to hear how you've handled similar situations or if you haven't encountered similar situations, how you expect to change the current landscape vis a vis "trans girls competing with cis gender girls". For other readers, I suggest that you can avoid situations like mine by acting now and writing to your pool and league governing boards.

This statement is not doing you any favors. Scanning children’s bodies? Appalling.

You are a disgusting person. They should kick you out of the swim club.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read your statement. You’re a creep.

+1 harassing kids is not welcome at my pool. You and other creeps, please stay away.

Neither of these statements have any substance or engage substantively with what I've written.
- If I'm a creep, I'd like to know why?
- If I harassed kids, what part of the account shows me harassing a child?

Anonymous wrote:I read your statement. You’re a creep.

+1 harassing kids is not welcome at my pool. You and other creeps, please stay away.

You were wrong about everything. You had zero authority to do what you did.

- long time swim mom who is against trans girls competing with cis gender girls.

Anonymous wrote:I read your statement. You’re a creep.

The entire thing is so strange.

I read your statement. You’re a creep.

Let it go. He’s a child.

Woodley Suspension

I am Luis Fernandez - currently suspended member of Woodley pool and subject of Virginia Dad Suspended From Pool After Calling Out Boy In Girls’ Races

I am posting these pages to try to encourage more of you to write to your pools and the NVSL board asking both to clarify the rules such that future NVSL events only include boys (males) swimming against boys in boys' events and girls (females) swimming against girls in girls' events.

The NVSL Board of Directors emails can be found here: https://www.mynvsl.com/contacts

I noticed that many of the posts in this DCUrbanMom.com forum thread were well considered, and for that reason I hope to engage with you all to push for fair competition in NVSL. I hope that many of you will write letters to your Community Pool Boards and NVSL to advocate for the clarification and enforcement of the rules concerning sex differentiated swim events.

I have nothing to hide about the whole affair and am willing to share basically everything. So if I get some good questions, I will try to engage. If the conversation degenerates, then I guess I'll ignore the thread.

FAQ

Luis’ Account

Exchange with the Board

Woodley Suspension