OK, I don’t actually have a cat. And if I DID have a cat, the cat would not get pedicures. Just trying to throw out a hypothetical and also avoid identifying myself too much because this IS pretty specific.

My more general question is how detailed judgments are in a trial. Like is the outcome going to be - sell everything and split it down the middle, or is going to be more nuanced like: Larla takes the house in the vineyard as part of her half and Larlo gets the Château in France and the vintage car collection.

I will definitely be asking my lawyer more questions, but since he’s about $700 an hour and you guys are free, I figured it would be helpful to see what other people have experienced. My lawyer seems very eager to go to trial, so I’m not sure I’m getting the best answers about the details. In all fairness to my lawyer, his goal is to get me the max possible, not to worry about the details like cat pedicures or who gets the 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder.

Most people settle and your question is somewhat specific so it's unlikely you're going to get advice from a representative group of people who have been there/done that.

Anonymous wrote:Like i said - the disputed amount is on the 7 figure range. His first offer was about 10-15% of what i think he legally owes me, so if he’s actually stuck there and wasn’t just playing games, we will have to go to trial. I’m just trying to mentally attach a rough value to how much a trial will cost me in terms of crappy-outcome. I have a rough idea of the emotional cost, and the monetary cost and want to be able to factor in the not-getting-what-you-want cost.

You split anything earned in marriage 50-50. Child support and alimony of able to get it go by a formula. What’s the actual situation. Why do you think you deserve it?

Anonymous wrote:OK, well I am biased here, but what we are hung up on is that he is a total a-hole.

I absolutely do NOT want to pay for trial, but with the way the first attempt at mediation went, I am worried that we will end up there.

I have a very specific list of things i want and I’m just wondering if mediation is the ONLY way to get what I want, or if it’s possible to give a judge the list of things I’m looking for and actually end up with some of them…. Or is a court decision going to be more of a blunt instrument, like “sell everything and split it according to my instructions”

You sound like the problem. Cats don’t get pedicures and if you get the cat you pay for it.

Anonymous wrote:Like i said - the disputed amount is on the 7 figure range. His first offer was about 10-15% of what i think he legally owes me, so if he’s actually stuck there and wasn’t just playing games, we will have to go to trial. I’m just trying to mentally attach a rough value to how much a trial will cost me in terms of crappy-outcome. I have a rough idea of the emotional cost, and the monetary cost and want to be able to factor in the not-getting-what-you-want cost.

Don't you have a lawyer? That lawyer should be answering those questions for you. If they are not, you need a new lawyer.

Like i said - the disputed amount is on the 7 figure range. His first offer was about 10-15% of what i think he legally owes me, so if he’s actually stuck there and wasn’t just playing games, we will have to go to trial. I’m just trying to mentally attach a rough value to how much a trial will cost me in terms of crappy-outcome. I have a rough idea of the emotional cost, and the monetary cost and want to be able to factor in the not-getting-what-you-want cost.

Anonymous wrote:OK, well I am biased here, but what we are hung up on is that he is a total a-hole.

I absolutely do NOT want to pay for trial, but with the way the first attempt at mediation went, I am worried that we will end up there.

I have a very specific list of things i want and I’m just wondering if mediation is the ONLY way to get what I want, or if it’s possible to give a judge the list of things I’m looking for and actually end up with some of them…. Or is a court decision going to be more of a blunt instrument, like “sell everything and split it according to my instructions”

The judge will follow the law and the more you nitpick about what you want the least likely you are to get it. Stop being emotional about him being an ahole and think rationally. You stand to lose the most if you go to trial. Perhaps he is too.

Anonymous wrote:Going to trial in a divorce is so incredibly financially dumb. Unless he is worth millions and you stand to lose millions. Otherwise, settle and be done.

And yes, to clarify, the disputed amount is in the seven figure range

OK, well I am biased here, but what we are hung up on is that he is a total a-hole.

I absolutely do NOT want to pay for trial, but with the way the first attempt at mediation went, I am worried that we will end up there.

I have a very specific list of things i want and I’m just wondering if mediation is the ONLY way to get what I want, or if it’s possible to give a judge the list of things I’m looking for and actually end up with some of them…. Or is a court decision going to be more of a blunt instrument, like “sell everything and split it according to my instructions”

Just settle.

Let’s start with you throwing away the notion of an “ideal” settlement …

Unless there is alimony and child support involved, the assets will be split with finality (unless there is some sort of stream of future revenue to be split, but even in that case, the could would probably try to reduce it to a present value in an overall settlement).

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to figure out how many rounds of mediation I want to try and what trial will look like -

The one thing I’m not quite clear on is - if we go to trial and all decision are being made by a judge, is that basically a situation where you end up selling everything and splitting it according to what the judge determines? How much nuance is there?

Let’s say my ideal settlement agreement includes STBX paying for cat pedicures for the rest of the cat’s life - can things that specific be included by the judge in a trial? Or is it going to be more of a situation where they say - sell the house, split the proceeds…

Tell us more, boo - what have we agreed to and what are we hung up on currently?

Going to trial in a divorce is so incredibly financially dumb. Unless he is worth millions and you stand to lose millions. Otherwise, settle and be done.

I’m trying to figure out how many rounds of mediation I want to try and what trial will look like -

The one thing I’m not quite clear on is - if we go to trial and all decision are being made by a judge, is that basically a situation where you end up selling everything and splitting it according to what the judge determines? How much nuance is there?

Let’s say my ideal settlement agreement includes STBX paying for cat pedicures for the rest of the cat’s life - can things that specific be included by the judge in a trial? Or is it going to be more of a situation where they say - sell the house, split the proceeds…