You can always try paying for effort or grades! But just to be clear, those are extrinsic motivators and OP was asking how to build intrinsic. Perhaps extrinsic motivators can be used as a bridge to intrinsic, but there is a risk the bridge is never built.

My school hating child was unbribe-able. Money, treats, experiences…nah. He’d rather pass and not do the schoolwork. It was a long road!

Anonymous wrote:Have you had her evaluated for learning disabilities? We were told by the school for years my kid was just not trying when he had mild dyslexia.

In middle school, we paid for grades. I know that’s supposed to be bad, but we needed to motivate. He had internalized that he just wasn’t good at school and therefore gave up as soon as it wasn’t easy or was boring. Paying gave him the motivation to push through which got his self confidence back up. It’s still a slog, but it helped.

My parents paid for grades but it was after they saw that I was sitting at the table working through math homework for hours on end and not walking away. I think they wanted to reward the effort that they saw. I have a long list of LDs, math, science, and foreign languages were hard for me. It wasn't a ton of money but it was nice to have the work I was doing be acknowledged even if the grades were not great. They focused more on the effort score then the letter grade but there was a $5 bump for an A.

Have you had her evaluated for learning disabilities? We were told by the school for years my kid was just not trying when he had mild dyslexia.

In middle school, we paid for grades. I know that’s supposed to be bad, but we needed to motivate. He had internalized that he just wasn’t good at school and therefore gave up as soon as it wasn’t easy or was boring. Paying gave him the motivation to push through which got his self confidence back up. It’s still a slog, but it helped.

Your 9yo should not be doing any HW. You are going to make her hate school. That’s all it will accomplish.

My kids didn’t get much HW until high school in FCPS in recent years. Do you have her in private school?

Homework for nine year olds is dumb, beyond maybe a single math sheet. Seems like she knows it.

Does she read for fun?

That’s the thing with intrinsic motivation, right? You can’t spark it for someone else.

One think I have become more comfortable with over time is knowing that if my kid CAN do hard things in any sphere of his life he’ll be able to transfer that ability to work hard to something new when he cares enough.

He’s never had the intrinsic drive for schoolwork that I wanted for him. He has learning disabilities and school is just such a grind. But he is off to college in the fall and he’s a recruited athlete. He works hard every day (and goofs off a lot too. He’s a teen boy).

I recommend reading The Self Driven child. It helps you think through motivation and our role with kids who dislike all schoolwork.

It’s rough, but she’ll do well. That hike tells you so.

My adhd kid became more self motivated for homework around 7th grade, when it became more of just a day to day must do, like eating and sleeping, and he was old enough to sort of care about the consequences of not doing it. He’s really bright and goes to a gifted school, so I think the peer pressure helps. But he definitely doesn’t work as hard as a lot of the kids nor get the same top top grades. But he does well and homework is not a battle. So some of this may just be time.

I would consider looking into barriers that may be getting i. The way of the kid doing the homework. Not just physical but perceived barriers that the child has. And also coming to a collaborative plan/compromise so that they have a say and feel involved in the process

My 9 year old can do hard things when she sees the challenge as a “big kid” thing. For example, she trained for and then hiked part of the Long Trail with a heavy pack. It was hard a first, but she was super motivated to overcome the challenges because a big multi day backpacking trip seemed so grown up.

School is the opposite. She gives up with every small challenge and has not intrinsic motivation. getting her to do homework is torture. Any tips for soaking some intrinsic motivation?