Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 17:21     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote:Basically title says it. Were consulting with elder law attorney for how best to help plan for a younger (early 70s), divorced parent with dementia and considering memory care. Very few options for Medicaid funded memory care in their area so will likely be self pay for a while until the money runs out (could buy maybe 5-6 years or more). Attorney says put half of assets in a trust, apply for Medicaid and spend down in a Medicaid facility because memory care is “just marketing.” He just wants the money to set up the trust, am I right? It’s a decent amount of money sure but he is not wealthy. Has cash (less than half a million) and a home, but not much else. Will be broke quickly, at the rate of memory care, but feel like it’s the best setup for a relatively healthy person who is very mobile and has dementia. Are we crazy thinking this advice is self serving (for the attorney)?


Its not just marketing and this is why these attorneys are a waste of time and money. You will not get medicaid with money in a trust. Not how it works. Memory care provides the highest level of care and security. You use up all there money and then do medicaid. Healty and mobile means nothign with dementia but more reason why they need memory care as they don't realize they have dementia and need a more secuire enviroment.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 17:21     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.


Sometimes it is literally the only option as no other setting is equipped to deal with patients who become violent and are dangerous to others and themselves.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 17:20     Subject: Re:Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote:well, what is this attorney offering as an alternative for people with dementia? I mean, my mother is bored in memory care, but she is well taken care of and safe. The alternatives are her living with us and me quitting my job (because she cannot be alone and cannot just chill even for 30 minutes,) AND getting care or f/t care at home which is more expensive. She was kicked out of assisted living for dementia behaviors. I suppose I could just put her in an apartment and allow her to die through starvation; poisoning; getting lost, burning down the apartment....? This is someone who is unable to use a phone, much less care for herself.


Assisted living isn't enough care for dementia.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 17:19     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote: I would find a new attorney. Memory care is essential for some. Even the most patient caregiver can become abusive or suicidal dealing with the 24 seven demands of someone with severe dementia.


You don't need an attorney.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 17:19     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
You need to go look at them and decide. You don't get medicaid if you have money so I odn't know why you are asking about medicaid.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 17:17     Subject: Re:Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote:What would be the benefit of the trust? Is the lawyer suggesting that because money in a trust would be protected somehow or not counted for Medicaid calculations?



Yes—and this doesn’t make sense as I thought there was a 60 month look back and don’t know of an account you can set up right before you apply for Medicaid.

We are in Virginia if it matters.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:13     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
I would find a new attorney. Memory care is essential for some. Even the most patient caregiver can become abusive or suicidal dealing with the 24 seven demands of someone with severe dementia.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 13:32     Subject: Re:Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
well, what is this attorney offering as an alternative for people with dementia? I mean, my mother is bored in memory care, but she is well taken care of and safe. The alternatives are her living with us and me quitting my job (because she cannot be alone and cannot just chill even for 30 minutes,) AND getting care or f/t care at home which is more expensive. She was kicked out of assisted living for dementia behaviors. I suppose I could just put her in an apartment and allow her to die through starvation; poisoning; getting lost, burning down the apartment....? This is someone who is unable to use a phone, much less care for herself.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 09:37     Subject: Re:Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
What would be the benefit of the trust? Is the lawyer suggesting that because money in a trust would be protected somehow or not counted for Medicaid calculations?

Anonymous
Post 07/24/2025 22:38     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Yes I would seek out another lawyer. We have a parent in memory care but in another country, so maybe its worse here. It is like a jail, but one with good food, physical activity, things to do, visitors, the ability to go out with family, and help with the physical realities of aging. It kind of has to be a jail. People who try to do it at home are also treating it like house arrest. And that is very very difficult to do if you have anything else at all going on. Either way, this guy sounds like he just wants your money. Id at least get a second opinion.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2025 22:31     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.


We did for 4 years. It’s no longer tenable and not fair to the one childless sibling who has provided the bulk of the care.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2025 22:11     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.


I can see how it could seem like that but it’s hard
To keep people who need that level of care safe without all of the interventions.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2025 22:10     Subject: Re:Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
You should tour facilities and get a first hand look at the places
In your area that might accept him. Programs vary and there really isn’t a one size fits all answer.

One thing that strikes me is this. You say there is money for 5-6 years of care. Medicaid has a five year look back period so if you try to hide half in a trust, you’re going to have a problem getting acceptance into any program. No one is going to give your family member a few years of care between the point at which they run out of money and when Medicaid kicks in five years after you put the money in trust.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2025 22:07     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2025 22:00     Subject: Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam
Basically title says it. Were consulting with elder law attorney for how best to help plan for a younger (early 70s), divorced parent with dementia and considering memory care. Very few options for Medicaid funded memory care in their area so will likely be self pay for a while until the money runs out (could buy maybe 5-6 years or more). Attorney says put half of assets in a trust, apply for Medicaid and spend down in a Medicaid facility because memory care is “just marketing.” He just wants the money to set up the trust, am I right? It’s a decent amount of money sure but he is not wealthy. Has cash (less than half a million) and a home, but not much else. Will be broke quickly, at the rate of memory care, but feel like it’s the best setup for a relatively healthy person who is very mobile and has dementia. Are we crazy thinking this advice is self serving (for the attorney)?